When is spending 18-20 hours a day working - not working ???

you need to tell your family just like you told us !!!

I agree with Vivian

Thank you Vivian !
I have, but it made no impact. Hubby and son want me to quit and be a 50's wife with no life of my own.

My 2 daughters want me to do well and will help out a litte IF they think it is fun, but still wont do their chores without me up-their-butt.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Thank you Renee !

I wont give up because doing my work is like my therapy - I NEED to do it + I have several customers who count on my products as they have allergies and/or MUST have all-natural stuff for whatever reason.
I use my stuff myself and would be making it anyway.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

I agree too, but you don't need them to approve of you. So if you tell them and they still don't take you seriously, let it roll off your back.

The problem isn't so much their ATTITUDE or their WORDS it is their ACTIONS.

They leave laundry all over, dirty dishes all over, junk and video game stuff all over... .
I ask them to tidy up after themselves because I am NOT the maid.

When the kids were little, I expected that behavior, BUT now they are 22; almost 19 - but with mild Asperger's; and 10 years old.

The first 2 were fine when I was a single mom. They were taught better and had no bad examples in the house. I had very little trouble with them.

Now, these two and my youngest who is hubby's only child and gets treated as such, all mostly follow his lead.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Hi Sandi !

I could care less about their approval - LOL

I just need them to be responsible for themselves so that I can do what I need to do.

My health is not great and my Mom has cancer everywhere + I am trying to run a business. They just DON'T CARE about anything exect that they aren't getting what they want.

It is 4 against 1 most of the time in this house and I am just tired.

On the days when I have a little more energy and my feet and hands are not too bad, I get after the kids and stand there and watch them do their work - that is about the only time they do it.
So, needless to say, if I am watching them - I can't do my own.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Hopefully things will get better soon!!!

Thank you Kimber !

Most days I can cope with it better, but I am extra tired today and needed to vent.
Thanks for listening everyone :)

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Selene,
Yes, I get that too - "I see you are playing on the computer again" or "...playing with your herbs again"

I too try to hold my tongue as the Bible says, but sometimes it will just get away from me which doesn't help.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

amen

I am praying that they will care more and become more responsible because there is no reason why they cannot do their chores themselves without having to be supervised. They all are old enough to do help with whatever chores need to be done.
I am only 21-1/2 but I have to take care of a whole house by myself because my grandmother died and my mom and her sister can't be at the house all the time because they have their own problems to deal with and live in different cities.
So I have to clean it constantly to keep it as dust free as possible due to allergies and also have to put up with an increasing mold problem and other things not working properly. Its an old house and has major problems.
When my family comes I get stuck cleaning up after them all after they leave on top of normal everyday chores. My family thinks I don't clean or don't do it good enough and as for my brother he's almost 18 and is plain old fashioned LAZY and a PIG.
My family at least is considerate enough to make their own beds except for brother because he sleeps on the couch.
I may not have a normal job yet as most people think but I help out around the church by running errands that are in town for the pastors or secretary,helping keep the sanctuary clean,by being the church "gofor" I get to use whichever piano I want when I practice. Also I now have earned a key to the church so that I can still practice or excercise whether or not the church is open.
I can only say hang in there because eventually the kids have to move out or at least I would hope they'd move out whether or not they go to college and perhaps one day get married and have kids of their own.
Also in case you've never heard it before how kids treat their parents is how they're kids will one day treat them,they may not realize it themselves that that's how they treated they're parents especially they're mother but most grandparents can see it and sit back and say well now you know what I had to put up with when you were that age.

Thank you Sandi !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Don't give up. People get hung up on the traditional view of "work." Housework is work. Home business is work. Not all payment comes in the form of a paycheck. Not all household contributions are monetary. If you can get others to see the whole picture, usually by not doing the dishes or cooking for a few days, then maybe they'll understand.

Good luck to you and don't give up.

When I was studying for my degree I had to take this goofy class that talked about how your family, although not deliberate, can be your biggest enemy while trying to better yourself. Basically even though they dont' think so, they are being selfish in not allowing you to do what what you need to do. I would simply let them know they are not going to stand in the way of your dreams and eventually they will get it. Hang in there.

My husband and his dad both think I don't anything either being a SAHM

Amanda.

I don't understand it either.
I did most of the chores when I lived at home - I left at age 20.

My oldest 2 never used to be like this, but they see and hear hubby about how it is my job... .

As for the 'kids grow up and have kids like they were' - I WISH !!!
I was a good kid for the most part and always did my chores and helped out.
I still treat my parents and the inlaws very well.

My oldest is moving out probably next month and my son is on a waiting list to get into a group home.
I think they will learn and regret their actions.

Then, I will have the time to teach the youngest to behave. When her dad is at work I will try to counteract some of what she learned - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

What you do is most definitely work. It is an artists curse to have nonartist around them that don't "get" it. It's the story of too many of our lives. Keep your article bookmarked for your own reference. Look at all the comments you're getting, and remind yourself you are not alone.

MJ,
I've done that for almost a year now !
The only time any of them will wash a dish is if they need it NOW to eat with, same with clothes.
I do all of my own at the shop which is in a seperate part of the house.

It is to the point where I will not let any of his family or his and the kids friends come over to visit - they still do not care.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Boy, does this bring back memories. My two oldest girls used to be so jealous of the time I spent writing when they were little that they would immediately come into the front room where I was working anytime they heard my typewriter and DEMAND my attention. I know exactly how you feel, it's like Cinderella syndrome; I get to do the work I love IF I finish all the housework, the bills, the chauffeuring, etc. Basically, you need to put together a schedule that works for you, tell them at a family meeting and lay down the law about "your" time. They will begin to understand that they're sabotaging you. Make it clear that you want to spend time with them, that you love to make sure everyone has what they need, but that means everyone has to help, not just Mom. Good luck!

Thank you Jennifer !
No, I will NOT give up.
My daughters are like you said, they usually don't realize that they are being so selfish and when they do - they pitch in a little bit. Nt enough for sure, but it means a lot.

Hubby and son have their moments. Ususally they DO know they are being jerks, but every once in a while - they will help out to be "nice" thinking they are doing "extra".

Oh, well, I am going to hang in ther for sure !!!
I just need to vent now and again - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

I hear ya Sandy !
Stay strong girl !!!

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Gretchen,

I have never thought of myself as an "artist" but I guess I could as I design and make my own products... - LOL

I think I will bookmark this article because you're right - it will give the boost I need to keep going when all this stuff feels overwhelming again.
Thanks for the idea.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Sandre,
It seems that there are a LOT of us.

The part that upsets me is that 3 out of 4 of them are ADULTS.
The only one with a reason to act childish like this is the 10 year old and that is pushing it - LOL

I do set aside time for them, but they want it all. Oh well, tough !

I am feeling better and back to my ole spunky self - cann you tell - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

i think it iss great that you are working at home. Just do not forget that there is a lot to do and eating is important. What has helped me schedule my time is that I set certain times to eat, and work. I think that if you do that you should be fine.

I try not to forget to eat - LOL
It is just that I have so much to cram into my day that I do forget about it.

I have tried the schedule thing to remember to eat, but that is when something else comes up and then I forget about it again or just plain run out of time.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

It sounds like you are doing a lot of work to me.

To answer your question, though, I don't buy the "I work hard, too," comparison of women who stay at home to clean and take care of kids to women who do that AFTER working a job outside the home. I believe cleaning house and raising kids are parts of life, not jobs.
-----------
I deleted that and reposting to qualify my poor wording. I should have said an outside/additional job (like what you are doing) instead of job outside the home.

I hope you find a solution to your kaos....I would just leave it all laying where it lands and then when the dishes are all dirty, and their clothes are all dirty and they don't have any towels or soap for showers....just maybe they might get it!

Good Luck!!! all the gatherites are rallying around you...can you feel our support!

Sandy,
I think there degrees to being a homemaker and that could be the difference to some woman ???
For example, most of what I cook is from scratch and mostly from my own gardens. I used to sew my kids clothes and made my daughters a whole Barbie wardrobe all sew by hand ... .
Now these things were done with love and I did not mind all of the extra work because I wanted to do these things for my family.
I never minded doing the cleaning, cooking, teaching... that is part of being a parent.

What upsets me is that when my son was in middle school I needed to homeschool him due to his Asperger's and the schools not being able to handle it.
I sat the family down, explained that Mom will need help now and THEY got to pick their own household chores. Hubby has been mostly unsupportive and resent/jealous of the time I had to spend with my son and then the other 2 kids. Most of the time the kids do not do them because they resent the fact that I can't anymore - first because of the homeschooling thing which took ALL DAY because I couldn't afford a prepackaged teacher's kit and had to find all of my own materials - and now because I am trying to grow a business and also because of my genetic condition which leaves me with likely only have a few more years or so of pretty good use of my hands and legs.

I just wanted to have a few years of a little joy for myself.
I watched my brother die from this disorder, I see my Mom suffering from her cancers and I just wanted something to enjoy - just for me - just for a little while.

I think the family misses all that I used to do and doesn't really care why I can't do it all anymore.

It is sad to think that I am JUST the cook and maid, but to hubby and the kids, I guess I am.
BUT as long as I have bigger dreams, I will be more than that.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Debby,
I do most of that alread and they don't care they just complain.
I make the soap though so we always have that - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Yes, I do feel the support - and THANK YOU to all of you !!!

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

hope things work out and get easier for you soon!

My husband knows I work hard at home, writing and promoting my books and maintaining my websites plus working for a research organization, but we both get frustrated when I work this hard and it doesn't pay much!

So I feel your pain.

Thank you so much Angela !
Alll of this support really does mean a lot !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Rhetta,
I have explained to him that it takes about 5 years to make a profit at a business that isn't part of a chain ie Bed Bath and Beyond.. . .
Since I have little help, it may take me longer. My main objective isn't money though - it is to make the BEST products for my family/friends/customers... and he knew that going in.
I am not trying to be Martha Stewart - that's not to say I would refuse to make lots of money - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

I don't know how to fix your problem, but I can empathize with you.
I sell on ebay and am always getting the 'what you just played on the computer all day?' sort of remarks.
But boy, if he needs something, 'how much you got on your PayPal card?'
My best friend goes through the same thing. She says she thinks her husband thinks the PayPal card is just 'free' money.

Don't give up Diana....Do what makes you feel best and the hell with what anybody else says or thinks.

KEEP GOING& DON'T STOP!!!

This must be so frustrating for you. Don't give up! I say (for what it's worth), forget what your family thinks. Your husband & kids (?) are all that matters. Have you tried seriously talking to your husband to try and make him understand how you feel?

Here's a strange thought - ask him to take a vacation day from work. Then, have him work with you all day. He has to do EVERYTHING you do, from your own work for your business to cleaning/cooking/laundry/taking care of the kids. He can't quit until you do. Then, see what he thinks!

Thank you for using Gather Broadcast, where there is an open line of communication for all and you're more than a connection.

Wow, Diana, YOU rock! (This is a comment link for A Stone's Throw Away. It was written for you're entertainment. Don't click this link until you're in the mood to be entertained.)

Been there.

I understand exactly how you feel. Since I am not married, my kids had to help out around the house. I always adjusted how much they had to do with how much they were in school, and I had to work. We had a balanced system. My daughter has moved out now, rather than "have to clean up everyone elses messes" If we all pitched in it all got done. She wants to believe she doesn't mess and everyone else did, then when she moves, she expects ME to financially bail her out if she has a problem, when I am only on a temporary adjustment Federal Disability Retirement check. I do things online,since too much physical activity will make me pass out, and I am going back to school to see if I can find something I can do. My son is just as bad, because he said because he words his 8 hour job, he should not have to do anything on his days off. (I got to where I couldn't do much outside of my very physical machine operator job for about 2 or 3 years before it got to the point I couldn't work. ) His wife has untreated restless leg syndrome, and suffers a lot of muscle spasms on top of a part time janitorial job at the local animal shelter, but she is supposed to do ALL of the housework, including pick up after him. I don't think so.You stand your ground with your family, because YOU deserve their support too. Sound off any time you need to sound off! May things get better for you soon.

I know exactly how you feel honey, but it's okay - rant away. We will listen and understand. I feel overwhelmed sometimes too. I've got a hubby who is a pack rat and a slob and a four year old who is seeming to take after his daddy. I work outside the home on a midnight shift. So they seem to think that since they slept all night, I shouldn't be tired when I come home. I have to sleep days so I can work nights and sometimes they just don't realize that daytime is my night time. They come in and wake me up for the dumbest things. Ah well, we can all hang in there and it won't last forever. LOL Thanks for sharing and hope you feel better. Peace.

i KNOW exactly what you mean!!my work is online!!
and i get "you r playing again" everytime i get online-grrr
My friends and family just dont get it!!
They are always complaing that i am online.

Keep up what u r doing!! if you enjoy it then by all means keep it up!
hugs- DN

Sharon,
Thank you !
The support and understanding from all of you was JUST what I needed.
Now, I am recharged and ready to fight on - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Suey & Blaine,
Thank you for listening to me belly-ache about this - LOL

I will NOT give up - I will keep going.
As I said, I NEED this as a form of therapy. It reduces my stress and I enjoy it so much.
I just hope they might come around someday.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Melaine,
Yes, I have tried to talk to him, but if it isn't important to him - it isn't important I guess.
The only way he would change his mind is if I would really start making good money at it - which you can't do right away especially without help -so, I guess it is a catch 22 of sorts.

I LOVE your idea !!!
I know he wont do it, but it sure cheered me up thinking about him breaking a sweat - LOL

Thank you !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

So you understand too Lyn - Thank you !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Thanks Carl - You Rock too !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Lisa,
Yes, it is so aggravating to see this sense of entitlement that most people have today.
I think it must start in the school because when my first 2 kids were little they knew there were chores that they simply HAD to do. They sometimes fussed about it but it was not until they heard how most of the other kids had no chores/no bedtimes/no manners... that they started to think "...Why should I do this - I shouldn;'t have to..."

Hubby learned it at home where his Mom did/does EVERYTHING in the house. She still does - when we go over for dinner, they get up from the table as soon as they are done eating and just leave all the dises/napkins/glasses... on the table for her to clean up like they are at some sort of reataurant. I will not let my kids do that to her. They have to pick up their mess there and I do the same at a restaurant too.
At home this is hard to accomplish because they take off before I can catch them and then then ignore me when I call them. I cannot chase after them because of my legs/feet.
Hubby's dad does everything outside, but has had a lot of help from his daughters and son's-in'law because they have respect for him and he is getting older. A big farm is too much for him to handle by himself now. My hubby even goes out to help a few times a year.
No one usually helps his Mom though, except me. I give her a break when I am there. I do the dishes and help her clean up.

If his Dad says he's tired... it is a big deal and they fall all over themselves to do something.
If his Mom says she's tired... well no one hears her.
Sound familiar ???

I sure hope your daughter-in-law gets a break soon and gets her stress level down. I think that's at least half of the reason for restless-leg-syndrome isn't it ?

You have a good day.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Thank you Kimber !
If you can, start working on counteracting hubb's influence on your 4-year-old before it is too late or you will have a mess like me.
I had my hands full with a son who has Asperger's and had to fight with the schools... so I didn't have very time to counteract my hubby's idea of being a friend instead of a parent to a todder - GRRrrrrrrrrr so now I have my mess.

Try to have a good day !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
http://organicgiftsbydiana.mybisi.com/

My main website :
http://www.dianascraft-antiqueshop.4t.com

My Squidoo :
http://www.squidoo.com/OrganicandNatural
http://www.squidoo.com/NaturalProductsbyDiana
http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

Actually, my daughter in law has had restless leg syndrome for many years. It may be because of how she was raised and some of the things she has been through. They always said she was lazy, and just whiney if she had health issues, and wouldn't take her to the doctor, even though they knew she had disabilities that could affect her motor skills issues. We are hoping to get her covered under my sons insurance, or get her insured soon, so we can get her all of the medical attention she should be getting already.
My kids had the same thing in school. My daughter was embarassed because she had to miss things because she didn't get her work done. It was what kept her doing her share of the work. It is so hard to raise kids with a work ethic and any kind of values today.

Most of the teachers try to do a good job, but when so many kids come to school with no manners and no respect for authority, there is not much they can do.

If I had the strength, I would homeschool my 10 year old for the rest of her education - just so she wouldn't have all of the bad influences from the the other kids.
Then I could have all day with her while her day was at work.

I just can't, but I hope that once my son and oldest daughter get moved out, maybe ???


Organically yours,

Diana

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You need to stand your ground with your family. You are not asking too much. I was in the same position just recently when I finally said that is it. I told the husband that I had lived at his level (he is a horrid pack rat and never puts things away) for the past 12 years and it is his turn to either step up to my level or step out. I informed my kids we were taking one small section of the house every day this summer and cleaning out and cleaning up. When I see one of them set something down and start to walk away, I make them pick it up right away and put it where it belongs. After the first few days they saw I meant business and are complying much better now, but we still have a lot of work to do. My husband has left everything a mess and will probably take all summer to straighten it all out especially as we have stuff for our business too. Keep at them and let them know you mean business.

I am sure my advice is echoing that of many comments above mine, but I am giving it nonetheless.
Stop DOING for those lazy butts.

If they don't wash their clothes then soon they won't have any to wear. Just wash your own stuff.

If they don't help with the dishes, then don't wash any but your own. And then put them somewhere so you can use them again.

It's time they grew up.

Since you have your own business that IS your work. If it was a business in a downtown location they wouldn't expect you to do all that other stuff. So don't do it. When you go to work for your business, set it in your mind that you are away from the house. Pack a lunch, drinks, snacks and get on with your business.

Your family is like many families. They depend on Mom and that was fine when they were little but now it is your time. They need to be independent!

Diana B.

All to often we get so caught up in the doing and just forget the whole reason we chose to start something in the first place. I know all to well about the pit falls of starting a home based business. Sometimes our focus swings off the main reason we started a business in the first place, our families and their needs.

Sharon,
I am just about disabled now and can't go chase after them anymore, but that IS what I used to have to do to get the kids to do what they needed to do.
I just can't do it anymore and they know it so now they try to get anway with whatever they can.
I take things away, refuse to let them go places, throw some of their stuff away (or donate the good stuff)... it usually doesn't matter. They'll just say they didn't care about ...xyz... anyway. They have almost no INTERNAL motivation and that is smoething I can't give them or teach them.

As for hubby, same thing if he doesn't care to change - there is nothing I can say or do to make him WANT to. He knows I can't leave because of our daughter - but mainly for Biblical reasons, but I am trying to at least be friends and not argue so much as my youngest doesn't need to hear it.
He is not a bad man ! He was just a spoiled child that grew into a spoiled man-child.
He can be thoughful and nice - he just doesn't value most of the things that I want/need. That I could take, but it the passive-agressive stuff like "forgetting" or saying "You never told me about..." an appoinment or something.
When everyone else in the room heard me say it AND he answered me - LOL
Again, he is not evil or cruel, just my other teenager - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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Thank you Wanda !
I already do that (see my 8th or 9th... comment in answer to MJ)

The only one who has any sort of excuse is my 10 year old daughter.
She and I spend special time together and I even let her "help" me in the business. She will answer the phone in her best secretary voice which is VERY good by the way. She also helps out with the garden and harvesting/drying of my herbs... .
I take breaks during the day to just sit with her. She will rest on my tummy like when she was little and we talk.
She is very good girl as far as 10 year-olds are. She sees that the others aren't helping much and thinks she can be little-miss-attitude too ! I am the one who makes her listen so most of the time she hates to stay with me. Daddy lets her eat/drink/play/watch... just about whatever she wants and is then supprised when she disobeys him.
I am pretty much the "DAD" of the house and have been. I have been trying to get him to be the man of the house and he has started to slowly - LOL
He IS starting to see, but will NEVER admit that I was right about anything - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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Hi Philip,
I see what you are saying, but I have not forgotten about the fanily at all - I have just made a little bit of room for ME now.
There wasn't any room for ME before - I was ONLY a mom and a wife I was not a person myself.

As I have said in my other comments here, I used to do it ALL. I was little-miss-perfect-mom/wife-with homemade cookies-and-beautifu- dinners-every-night-who-did-all-the-chores-in-the-house-and-yard-and-gardens-myself-except-a-few-that-the-kids-had-concerning-their-owns-toys. AND, I was a full-time student in college.

It wasn't until my son was really having a horrible time at scholl (he has Asperger's but was dagnosed with ADD instead so he was off the wall and the scholl was stupid and blamed him) and so I decided to homescholl him. He thrived because of it !!!
The family however chose to rebel and whine about me asking them to step-up for a few years until I could get my son into a better school.
I did not think asking for a little help was too much to ask.
So, upon seeing there lack of respect for me, I decided I needed to FINALLY do something I wanted to do.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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My main website :
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My Squidoo :
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Your business sounds very busy indeed.
Many "working mothers" get no credit these days.
Just because you are at home, it does not mean you are not doing anything.
I have been upset at my hubby at times because he complains about my long hours in front of the computer.
But, it's necessary if I am to be published one day. I am very serious about being a writer.
And, he doesn't consider it work.
Not that he gets angry..
He just gets that annoyed, uh! Look.
I understand where you are coming from.

Angela,
Thank you !
I wonder if some of it is guily feelings ???
I mean, when he is at the computer - he IS playing games.

Oh well, I will just keep plugging along and do my best - LOL

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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My main website :
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My Squidoo :
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Diana B.

In no way would I ever try to diminish or put down the responsibilities of a homemaker because I had both job and home to contend with as a single parent for more than 10 years.

I have found over the years that some tend to take for granted what they have as was stated by you. I also note that some long for things they never ask for!

Glad to see you got lots of supportive comments -

Print out the Gather page - or make sure they get to see it...if they see you have lots of support and acknowledgement, then maybe an awakening will occur.

As others have already said, leave them to clean up their own messes. Do the basics of housework, but leave anything that is supposed to be their domain.

Thanks all.

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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My main website :
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My Squidoo :
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http://www.squidoo.com/AllNaturalPerfume

My Mom worked from a home office, for a few years. I was in high school, at the time, and would come home for lunch, sometimes. It was always weird to see my Mom, in the middle of a busy day, using her "business voice" on the phone. I was proud of her. I think it made me build respect for her, as a person, beyond being my Mom.

I hope to have the same thing with my family someday- that they see me as a PERSON.
Thank you for the nice thought Nathan !

Organically yours,

Diana

My virtual storefront:
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My main website :
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All I can say for you is that I feel for you. Perhaps you can get your own "office space" in your home? Have you ever read any of Julie Morgenstein's organizing books? Perhaps they might help you.

How about make a list that everything that has to be done in a day. Tell your family you are going away for the day and when you get home everything needs to be finished. I think they will quickly see how much you do.

Some times there really is nothing that you can do; you just have to roll with it, and on a really bad day, just forget the house cleaning. You need to make everyone realize that your job is just as important as your husband's, and that is what you are going to spend your day doing it. And just do it. And then when you "come home" from your work, allow the chores to be divided equally.
I work in a kitchen, with four people under me. When they leave or sit around without doing their fair share, I am tempted to finish the dishes on my own or do cleanup without calling them back or making them catch up the next day. But I've found that if i just don't do certain things, my kitchen staff will end up doing their job after all.

Thank you Chris - I wish it were that easy.
I have made lists and they just sit there unfulfilled - LOL

I am at the point now where I do what I can't stand to look and leave the rest. If they want to live like that - I'll just just work even harder on my own stuff.
I have my hands full with my Mom's illness and do not need their crap - so I let it go.

Organically yours,

Diana

Tracey,
That's just it - I never had trouble like this when I worked outside the home. I could fire people who didn't pull their own weight.
Sometimes we wish we could fire our family - LOL

As I said in my last comment, I am just letting it all go and doing what I need to do for my own sanity and letting them live in their slop.

Life is too short to be an unpaid maid and I want to have a little fun and peace of mind for myself - so I am working hard on my business and taking care of my Mom and the rest will be whatever it is.

Organically yours,

Diana

I am a stay at home dad, i look after my daughter while my wife works and I also run a few websites and sell software. My wife is pretty good about it but my stepson who is 17 just wanders in and starts chatting away like i have nothing else going on.

I think when my daughter goes to school I may rent a office , just so I can go away from the home and say "I am going to work". The other option is to buy a small building and make my office outside in the yard somewhere..

Thanks for the support Paul.
Yes, the family does the same thing here - walks and interupts me like I am just sitting here doing a puzzle or watching TV.

It is funny because I do 2-3 times as much in a day as hubby - but because I am home all day he is the one who "works".

Oh well, when I make my first million, we'll see who's laughing then - LOL
Then I will hire the help I need and I wont care what the family thinks.
Of course, I may be too old to enjoy my fortune by the time it happens - if it happens.

I can't afford to rent/buy an office or anything like that.
I do have a travel trailer that i got almost free for storage and to work in on nice days, but it doesn't have heat in it and it is 5 degrees outside + a wind chill so I think I'll stay in the house.

Organically Yours,
Diana

you're a busy bee.

Brian,
Yes - LOL
Bzzzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz !

A huge thank you again to everyone here.

I just came back to read this again and - again it really helped me.

Organically Yours,
Diana