Update: The Korean War, My Father & What He Told the Psychic the Night He Died

The night my father died I had a remarkable conversation with him through a psychic I knew.  He told me things that she could not have known and things that I did not know which were soon proven true.  Before I get to that point though I will speak a bit of the life of my father and why I hope there is something in this story that can help other people.  It gives some evidence for survival after death of the body and it suggests that we can heal relationships with people even after they have passed over. I especially want to share that we can do this with family members that are difficult or worse than difficult.

My father was a veteran of the Korean War or more correctly stated he was a veteran of the police action known as the Korean Conflict.  He lied about his age and joined the army when he was 17.  He was at the battle of the Chosin Reservoir and was shot but later walked out on his own.  I will not go into details but everyone else in the vehicle he was in died and their blood covered him and later saved his life.  He laid in the snow for 24 hours after the battle ended amongst the dead to be sure the Chinese soldiers they had been fighting were gone.  Those soldiers had been bayoneting the bodies of the dead all around my dad.  My father's own wounds and his appearance convinced them he was dead.  So he lived.

I later learned that he went to Korea with a large company of men and out of all the men pictured in the photograph only five returned alive.  According to my mother he could not comfortably watch war movies for a long while after his return for the big guns bothered him.  In the late 1960's I remember going with him to see one but can't remember what it was.  He was a love it or leave it American.  He believed in what he did or he would not have gone but it changed his life irrevocably and he never truly did rejoin life.  He was a Republican and as far as I know remained so his entire life.  I remember the day Spiro Agnew was found to be guilty of crimes he had committed or plead no contest to.  I watched my dad cry.  I remember he said: "What was it all for? All we did in Korea? Was it for this?".

For the last twenty years of his life we did not speak, not because I wanted it that way.  It was his choice.  Our private war began almost from my birth.  Though I was daddy's girl for the first five years of my life even when we didn't get along.  I was stubborn and too much like him.  Had his temper too but made my mind up when I was four not to be like him so I had to take a stand against him

He was an angry, depressed man and I did not then understand.  He dreamt nightly of Korea and woke up every night from nightmares thinking he was still there.  I was 22 when I heard from his third wife that he was still suffering that way.  I was stunned.  He never showed it and we never heard of it.  He never spoke of the war.  Accept once.  I asked him was he really an atheist because he often said so.  He said to me: "There are no atheists in the foxholes".   He was a real tough "tough guy".  He worked every day though I never knew where or what he did until he died.  He helped build things.  The highways of the states of Oregon and Washington and other things. 

All I knew was that every night he drank.  Later learned he did that to sleep.   Every day he got up and went to work and was functional and you would not know he was an alcoholic.  To the outside world he was a charming and charismatic guy.  His family saw another side.  Won't go there too much but violence was an issue.  Anger was an issue.  Something all three wives and his kids could talk about.  Not a pretty story but also a pretty common story.  I am not writing to criticize my dad.  I understand a lot now I didn't then.  I have made my peace with it all and with him.

When my parents divorced I was only five and I became the person in the middle.  That was a big part of the battle that continued through out my life. I defended my mother against him.  If he would raise a hand to her I got in the middle.  Like I said I had his temper so I took my stand.  It cost me but it helped slow him down.  I could never do things his way or see them his way.  I even changed my name when I was 18 and that is when he quit speaking to me.

Years later I took his name again so he wrote to me but never spoke to me.   My sisters had a relationship with him but not an easy one.  He was just a very hard man.   He did finally quit drinking for the last 15 years of his life but his state of mind did not improve.  He did get deeply involved in working  for veterans rights.  That became a real cause for him.  He didn't want to see it all slip away.  He wanted the young men who would be in future wars to have something in return for their contribution.  My sisters and I feel strongly about that too.  If your family has been touched by war you are even more aware of the price the men and women in the service pay.  You are aware of the price their families pay too.  

I remember looking at the number of men and women who fought in Korea and in other wars since.  Not so huge a part of our population.  Actually a very small number but a huge sacrifice.  Whether one is for or against a war it is a real sacrifice and one must respect that.  I have personally stood against them for the most part but not against the people in the military.  I respect them and honor them.  I was a kid in the 1960's and did march in the big march at the end of the decade against the war... the Moratorium to End the War in Vietnam in October of 1969.  I remember the one thing I didn't like was the attitude a lot of people had toward the soldiers.  I thought I was doing what I was doing to save the soldiers and all the people in Viet Nam.  I was a kid.

I like soldiers because my dad was a soldier and I love my dad.  I am haunted by the knowledge of what it costs to be a soldier (be in the military) because I know what it cost my dad and other men I know and I care about.  My nephew recently left our state.  He is in the military and will likely soon be in Iraq.  So for the record I state that I like soldiers but I do not like war or what it does to people.

The night my dad died I was with a friend who is psychic and she said: "Your dad is here and he wants to speak to you.  He is sorry for the way he treated you and regrets not speaking to you for all those years."  She then asked: "Was he an alcoholic?"  and I said: "Yeah, how did you know"?  She indicated she could just pick that up from the imagery.  He said some personal and powerful things to me and we reconciled.  It was actually like speaking to him ... amazing for she didn't know me well and could not know how he would speak of things.  I have to say it was a great gift for he spoke of many things he regretted doing and what he would like to do if he was reborn and had a chance to be my dad again.  All very interesting for he didn't believe in God, an afterlife or reincarnation but was surprised to find out he was still alive and going on a bit of a journey to learn and grow and heal.  

The next part of the story is the most amazing of all.  My friend said:  "Your dad's brother is here to meet him."  I said: "He didn't have a brother".  She said: "He says this man is his brother".  I said: "No way.  That is wrong".  She said then:  "He says this man was his best friend and his brother in war".  That this man is the man who saved his life at the battle where he was wounded.  He says they have been together as warriors in many life times and have each sacrificed themselves for the other.  This time it was this man's turn to save your dad.  Your dad says he is now at peace because he understands better the relationship and the way they have helped each other in war in many life times.
Your dad says this mans death was the cause of his unhappiness and guilt and that he could not live with it.  That he could never really be happy again.  He sees it differently now and knows he could have and should have and should have done better for his children.  He says he is sorry and hopes you will give him another chance."

I was stunned.  I said yes I would and I do forgive it all and would want him to be my dad again if it worked out to be that way.  I later spoke with my mother and she said she didn't think the story could be true and was sorry she had to say that.  Two hours later my sisters called and told me they had been going through dad's things and found photos in his wallet. Three of us and one of a young man.  The young man was in uniform and it said Korea 1949.  My dad had carried this photo in his wallet his entire life from that time to the day he died.  We later found out more about the man who came from Portland Oregon where my dad had been born. They were very good friends and he had died in Korea.  The story was verified up to that point and no one in our family ever knew about this man until that night.

 The most important thing that I want to share is that even if you do not reconcile in life your loved one will see what they need to see and there will be a reconciliation and understanding in the end.  One may not realize that until one also crosses over but there seems to be a lot of evidence we come to an accounting and an understanding.  My dad was not in a bad place just in a place of understanding his errors and seeing them clearly and coming to terms and hoping to make peace with his family.  I have seen him since in dreams which I feel are more than dreams and he is doing very well.