When a relationship is in trouble, most people unknowingly do things which inflame the situation, and thereby cause separations, break-ups and divorces which simply should not happen. We have lost the art of keeping relationships together - or perhaps we just need to be more conscious about it in these interconnected, fast-moving modern times.One thing my degree in Psychology taught me was that 90% of what happens in relationships is at a subconscious level - which means that it is totally invisible to the average person. If you get your hands on these little-known facts, you will be able to save your relationship, no matter what curve balls your partner may throw your way.
If you are in the middle of a separation or break-up, I am particularly speaking to you. Nine times out of ten, it doesn't need to end. Your partner probably still loves you, deep down - and there are simple ways to gauge that. No matter what horrible things have passed between the two of you, there are clear and straightforward ways that you can wash the negativity away, and restore your relationship.
You see, one of the major mistakes people make when their partner says "That's it! It's over!" is to start acting as though the relationship is actually over. Big mistake. Obviously, you have to respect what your partner says in terms of moving out, giving back keys or whatever, but there is no reason to treat the situation as permanent. Consider it as part of a necessary process to clear some long-standing issues out of the way.
The reason that taking your partner "at their word" is such a mistake - apart from the fact that they almost never really want to break up - is the impact on your functioning when you start to believe the relationship is over. You feel stabbed, almost literally. Your adrenaline level goes through the roof, which makes you feel sick, and interferes with your sleep. Stress reactions and lack of sleep make it much harder to keep a clear head and handle the situation well. The feelings of betrayal, hurt, anger, and sadness will well up and mess with your communication skills, just at the time when you need them the most.
The second mistake people make, once they have unleashed the horrible abandonment emotions, is to talk to their partner. Needless to say, when you are feeling hurt and betrayed, you won't be putting forward your best face!
Before you know it, you will have made a brief emotional drama into a permanent separation - and you won't even be quite sure how it happened.
There are little-known facts about human psychology which mean that this "break-up" doesn't need to be a break up at all. You can simply follow a basic process to clear up the misunderstandings and negative emotions. This will allow the underlying love to return to the surface, and before long, your partner will be talking about "trying again".
Saving your relationship is a relatively straightforward process, once you understand a few little-known facts about how your partner's mind works. No matter how dire it seems, armed with the right knowledge, you can save your relationship - and as a bonus, have a better-quality relationship in the future.
Jenny Bennett B.A. (Hons) Psychology
Making Up at EasyToBeRomantic.com
Image: HAMED MA SOUMI
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Comments: 12
Thank you for sharing!
What Jenny is saying is that these days is that people are too quick to give up. Thinking about ending a relationship, even wanting to end one, is part of a complex emotional process. Ask any couple who have been together for 30 years - I guarantee there have been times when one (or even both!) have wanted to end the relationship, at least for a while.
Where genuine love exists, it only takes one person to keep the faith, and do the right things, and eventually that genuine love comes back to the surface - and from some pretty hopeless-appearing situations.
Don't take my word for it - check out the examples at http://easytoberomantic.com/makingup.
It's true that not every relationship can be saved, or should be saved. But at the moment, we are teaching our kids that a partner is disposable, and when things get hard, you should ditch them and look for a better one. More often than not, all that is required is some relationship skills - and how will people learn those if they bail out of every relationship at the first "I hate you!"?
http://friendsofdanh.gather.com.
Our goal is to help you further your exposure and to support other gather members.
I fully and completely agree with you here. But if the other party is unwilling to “do their part” in the relationship, then it is not even worth your time and effort. End it and move on with your life.
Thank you Mark.
However, many people give up simply because they don't know how to get that dialogue going again.
Learning how to re-engage is a key to long and successful relationship.