How do you keep your kids from having pre-marital sex?

My hubby and i were talking about this just the other day. I honestly don't think there is a way that you can keep them from having pre-marital sex unless you keep them locked in their rooms! The key is to educate them! They need the facts both good and bad and they have to make the decision with your help! I hope and pray that my kids will make the right choice and wait, but if they choose not to, i'd rather them be educated and protected!

I agree about giving them all the facts. I wouldn't want my uneducated kid out there having sex without protection

I think Bridget said it very well. With the media and peer pressure all around them, they begin to think that sex is the only thing that matters. We can educate them and let them know that love and respect do not equal sex, but what they see and hear often says the opposite. Ultimately, safe sex has to be taught along with moral beliefs.

I think teaching them to respect themselves and to respect others is a start. And to somehow get it in their minds that using a condom is imperative 110% of the time! Even if you have a long time girlfriend or boyfriend! Kids respond to what they see and what the media tells them is the thing to do. Have you heard of the recent pact of those high school girls that were planning to get pregnant? That to me sounds like a scene that could come right out of that TV show. A man has to put on a condom every time and teaching them that these days is critical. I've had people tell me of STD's they've gotten. HPV is a huge one, warts, even two people told me they contracted herpes and one was with her very first boyfriend! Many people I've known have had to make the hard choice of having an abortion and living with the mental consequences. I don't envy them. Men and woman have to learn to not take the risk even at a young age because the reality is that these things on TV are happening young! I see it all around me. I'm even seeing it with my 30 year old friends who should know better. Anyhow, that's what I hope to teach my son!

I agree with Bridget as well. While that show is a little over the top as far as statistics go for a normal school, it's not that far off. The key is to make them educated enough to do the right thing(whether that is abstinence or safe sex I think depends on the family). Keeping communication open with my kid is one of the things that's most important to me.

I have to agree with all of the above. Education, communication... I think it depends on the kid, and their peers, and the kind of relationship kids have with their parents... I think it's one of those things that you take one day at a time, and hope they will retain all of the wonderful things you taught them!

You need to instill the message in them from a very young age...teach them the lessons as they grow up. That still doesn't mean they'll listen and pay any attention to what you've taught them. Lots of children do what they're going to do despite knowing right from wrong. There's nothing you can do to stop them...just hope they've listened to what you've told them and hope they adhere to those lessons. Obviously, with so many teens having babies and the age they've had their first sexual experience going down; it isn't working.

Communication is the key but it still happens. Educate your kids on birth control at a young age because they more than likely will be having sex by the time they are 17. Unfortunately it's a fact these days.

I think for our family we plan on trying to be open about sexuality and talking with our child(ren) about what is okay and what is not....we would not condone sex before marriage, but we would also teach about safe practices because I would rather not have grandchildren too early, lol. I think that kids friends also play a roll - if a child gets wrapped up with kids who are more promiscuous, there is more peer pressure for them to also be promiscuous. Stopping situations where this kind of thing can happen is also key (sleep overs is one primary thought that comes to mind). I've met quite a few kids while fostering that were either abused or had sex at sleep overs. My husband had also seen a lot of this during he childhood. We don't believe in sleep overs and we do know that someday that will be an issue with our kids as they will want to but they will not be allowed to.

It is a scary world we live in, and I think that it is important to instill family values from a young age, and just try to be open and honest with your kids...

I completely agree with Bridget as well on this point. I might be getting closer to 30, but I still remember my teenage days pretty well, and I see no way to prevent it from happening, but I do know that we need to talk to our children, we need to educate them not only about sex, but about life and respect for each other as well.

Communicate! If they're determined to do it, they will, there's no way you can watch them 24 hours a day. But, you can talk to them about it, and make sure they understand all the consequences. And I mean more than one talk too. We have talked to our daughters about it several times, and they are comfortable coming to us with any sex questions they have. We don't get embarrassed or freeze up when they ask anything.

Education, communication, and trust! Trust being that as a parent you've taught your kids well enough that they won't stray from what you taught them.

All you can do is hope that you have raised your kid right with morals and everything. Or maybe we can just lock them all up. We have 6 boys and I know the oldest is good, he homeschools by his own choice because high school kids bug him. The next child has a few disabilities which makes him extremely shy. The next child which is 12 is the one I am worried about, not only is he our problem child but he is girl crazy and the girls are crazy about him.
The next 3 are too young to tell.

There really isn't much one can do and I agree with what I've read in the comments. Just teach them, pray for them, and don't apply any pressure. A kid is likely to rebel if they are told they must wait.

Scaring them will make them want to do it more. Talking to them and giving them the facts, not fiction or wives tales (sorry ladies) may be one answer.

I'm years away from being a parent myself, but it hasn't been that long since I was in high school myself. It's important to teach them good moral values from an early age and teach them that just because society says its ok, not to believe them. Communicate with them and educate them. The only thing you can do is to teach them good values and what you believe in as being right. Bridget worded it very well and the sad thing is its not just high schoolers, but children as young as 6th grade.

i dont know, but communication and teaching of morals is one way? my ex BF let his 14 y.o go on the pill, cuz she asked to, instead of saying," you're having SEX?? We need to talk"....he just said he'd make an appt for her...(one reason i dumped to moron...)

This is certainly a great question, but I don't think that there is any way absolutely. I think that the best thing that you can do is to teach them about sex and STDs and pregnancy and your values. You have to be aware of where they are going and who they are hanging out with. Most of all, you need to pray for them. After that, there isn't much you can do except love them and keep an open line of communication.

Good communication is the best method , what I feel.

dropping by to leave you a 10,




HAPPY 4TH

doesn't hurt to involve them in sports or other organized activities either ... in addition to the ideas already expressed

Number 1 and I can not stress this enough talk to your kids,
Number 2 Know what hey are doing and with who you are not being nosy your being a parent
Number 3 Keep them busy busy busy
Oh Above all educate your child needs to learn the facts of life from the most important adults in their lives their Parents !!!!!

I agree with most of the posters above. Just give them the facts, hand them a condom and tell them to be safe! Telling your child not to have premarital sex would not be the way I would go, but then again if I had a kid that wouldn't be one of the values I would teach it anyways. I'd teach it that you shouldn't have children before you are ready and anything that ends in teen is before you are ready and about STDs and birth control.

I will tell you what happened in my case. Some facts: I am not very religious though my mother and I explored a few religions to see what we liked. My mom was often busy and I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with her. She had a lot of different boyfriends when I was growing up (A lot to a kid anyway- it wasn't really too much). I was left home alone a lot when I became a teen so she could work and go to school. I didn't really mind. I learned about sex when I was very young and understood everything, including practicing safe sex before it was taught in school. Learning it in school in 8th and 9th grade was a joke to me and the majority of my fellow students. It was just comedy to us.
I was 13 when I had my first boyfriend. The first time he came over to my house when my mom wasn't home I freaked out. It didn't seem right to me to have a guy over without my mom home. But he didn't know she wasn't home. I didn't let him in the house. We waited until she got home and I introduced him as my friend. We had never discussed boundaries when it came to having boyfriends and allowing them to come over. She figured it out on her own that he was my boyfriend and trusted me. We weren't perfect but sex never came up. 5 months later we broke up and the same day I started dating someone else. We were together for about a year. I was aware of things like safe sex, like I said before. The summer before 9th grade, actually only a few days before we decided to have sex. We had discussed it before hand and decided to do it. I was very comfortable with him and neither of us pressured the other. We even risked doing it unprotected once...we knew it was stupid but had a teenaged mentality. Lucky for us it worked out ok. I look back now and just shake my head with relief. We broke up only a month or so later. I took it very hard for about a year. After that I became reckless with relationships and sex. I didn't take them seriously and abused it all. I wasn't "tramping" around. But I was definately NOT an angel. None of it had anything to do with peer pressure- I was the only one of my friends who was doing it. It wasn't about being first either. I did it for my own reasons and actually never really discussed it with others. Some people at school thought I may have but neither my ex nor I would talk about it if asked. Even now I couldn't tell you why exactly I did it. I had nothing to prove and I wasn't doing it to make my mom angry. Actually I knew enough to try to keep it from her though she found out anyway (they always do!). She didn't really talk to me about it but said that she hoped I was doing everything I needed to do. We didn't talk about birth control but I told her I had everything under control.
I do believe that I never took sex or relationships seriously because I saw how my mom was with relationships. I do believe that that had a lot to do with how I was. I have no idea how she could have prevented it short of never having tried to be happy. That's all she wanted.
I understand that now that I am an adult and do value relationships and what they consist of. I am not against pre-marital sex though I understand people who are. It isn't for me and I won't expect anything more of my children, though I will try to help them not make the mistakes I made with prevention and promotion. And while I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 years we are not married, nor do I plan on it at the moment. I take marriage VERY seriously and don't believe in divorce. I also learned that from mistakes my mom made. Some people may look down upon me for how I am but I am what I am and I can't change my past.
There was really nothing in my situation that would have prevented me from doing what I did.
I had a friend who had a very religious mother. She promoted No sex before marriage. My friend agreed completely. Her mother was VERY strict. No friends over. No boyfriends til 16. She had sex with her first real boyfriend. It may have been some pressure but ultimately the decision was her own to have pre-marital sex. She also became reckless with relationships after that but is happily married with a great life and family now.
I have another friend who was 100% for no pre-marital sex based on her family's beliefs. She may have made it. She also got married REALLY young. Could that have had something to do with no sex before marriage? Possibly. She also became really rebellious because of her family's strictness. She tried to get herself suspended just so she would get into trouble for something REAL. She was constantly punished for nothing.
Giving those additional scenarios is just to show that while it is really great to promote the idea, as long as you stand by your children and their decisions, help them when they do get into messes and teach them the way to get out they will turn out fine, no matter if they make bad choices along the way.

sorry- that was LONG!

Guess I should add that I am happy with the way everything worked out for me, though it would have been nice if I would have made it happen a few years later!

They have been trying to that for years . I think it is a never ending battle between enviornment and peer pressure.

my son see his nephew and stated he would never put himself into the same as his sister... she had him at 16

What ??? No sex before marriage ??? What if they don't get married until they're 25 ? Sex is great, but they probably won't want anything to do with it if they think they're being taken advantage of. And used. If they have pride in themselves they will do what they want on their own terms - and when they want to, and not too soon. I'm guessing too many people have sex too early because they feel pressured. That's wrong. Then they end up with really messed up feelings about themselves and others.

They need pride in their bodies. And they need to feel beautiful and sexy and they need to know that that is totally different than HAVING sex.

That's what's important (I think).

I know SEVERAL women who started having sex at 13 and they're now adults and don't have any regrets about it. I think everybody is different. I took my time - I was shy (or maybe didn't like anybody around me, enough). Everybody has their own time line for that VERY PERSONAL stuff.

Education and communication are key. I personally don't have any children and feel ill qualified to base an opinion but have seen more than my share of young girls pregnant. I know that one of my Brothers girlfriends was 11 and he was 13 when they started having sex and I don't believe that my Brother was her first. I have a cousin who had sex at 11 also and it is simply unbelievable to me.

I think that a lot of what is happening is peer pressure and so many parents are not around to supervise their children and or giving them too many liberties. Too much going to this friends house and spending the night at friend's houses is never good. My Parents actually let us spend the night with a girlfriend only when she could call whenever she wanted to check in and only with girlfriends who did not have older brothers.

Self respect is also important.

My Brother now has a 12 year old step daughter who is very promiscuous and as he has two little ones (3 and 6 year old little girls) he is worried all of the time. I have actually seen this girl in action and she had to be taken out of her private school because of her reputation. *shaking head*

Good luck to you.

I learn by seeing my friends and some family have babies so young. I was just about married (married at 18) before I even thought about doing it. I learn by seeing how hard it was for them and how little free time they had and how they couldnt do much with everyone because they were tied down.

We also used this to help my husbands best friend little sister. Who at 15 wanted to have a baby so bad. We I borrowed my friends baby and let her see its not all fun and games. Babies are hard work and take most of your time. After a day with the baby she swore she NEVER wanted a baby. Shes married to a great guy and they have 2 beautiful kids now. My work was done and I was very happy with the end.

I think you have to tell them about it, educate them, and make sure they use protection. Have some available in your house..even though the thought freaks ya out! It is scary, very very scary

My husband has told my teen he doesn't want him to have sex before marriage. But did tell him if he choose to to use a condom.

I found that answering thier questions honestly at any age is always the first step.
Even at the ages of your children Jill they are inquisitive. Never give them more information than is understandable for thier age, but never put it off and say you are to young. As they grow, then you can teach them that you will talk to them openly and not be asamed. No communication from the Mothers and Fathers on the subject, is the worse thing you can do.

You never really know about your child,s sexual encounters. You can only hope you have kept the lines of communication open. Start early having those talks. Never forget to teach your son when he turns about eleven about the girls cycles. That is important. It will keep him from making fun or embarrasing some little girl who dont have parents with open communication, or has just had an accident. Tell them to not say anything but go tell a female teacher to approach the young lady and make her aware of the accident and to take her to school nurse which sould be able to call her Mom or have the proper supplies to handle the situation. That is one way to open lines where you can start teaching him about the cycle and when all this leads to pregnancy. What his part in the equasion is. Having teens is very scary.
,,,,,,,,my middle son let it be no secret that being a Christian he would keep himself pure for his wife, then the men around him started calling him names, calling him a sissy etc; That really put a lot of pressure on him. We talked about it a lot because he was 25 then. Still pure.
......Daughters are even scarier , worrying about them.

I think you have to bring them up right and educate them and don't be afraid to talk to them about sex etc. You also have to have a good enough relationship for them to come to you to ask questions. Then, hope for the best. They are going to do what they want when they want but they need to have good information behind them so they make the right choices.

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What a fantastic discussion! I agree that just talking to your kids and having an open door policy is key. I think my daughter feels she can talk to me about anything! Educate them on being safe and hope that they listen when you tell them about the risks of being sexually active.

Jill - this showed up as a "you might also be interested" after I posted my own article about abstinence and sexual education. Believe it or not, I ALSO mentioned the show on ABC Family! I like that they still have the one girl a virgin, though struggling with it at the end of this season.

I was raised in a nice, Baptist family (okay, actually it had its issues, but we were certainly taught "right" and "wrong.") I also ended up pregnant at 18. You might want to read my article about what I think was not taught for insights on what might be missing? Granted, only my own experiences and own thoughts, and I'm raising sons now, not daugthers, and struggle myself to be sure I teach them that girls are someone you respect and care about, with delicate feelings and a need to be appreciated and known as a whole person.

Many mainstream network shows are showing a subculture where sex is exchanged as casually as a handshake, and oral sex, etc., is frequently performed multiple times in a single party. It's frightening that this might exist, or that younger children may be being exposed. That being said, my ex's son's mother got pregnant at 14 at just such a party...

Part of not having a child exposed to that kind of life is being one of those terrible overbearing parents that we so resented growing up - you remember, the one who always had to meet our friends, our friends parents, make sure the parties were chaperoned and that they knew our dates...

I think having mom at home, instead of working and having two parents who are good role models, respecting the opposite sex goes a long way. I was a divorced working parent, which was better than having my kids beaten by my ex. But, it gave my kids no supervision and my girls did not have a father figure who cherished them, teaching they were precious and worth more than gold. Teaching them right and wrong doesn't work if you don't give them a strong self esteem. If they are taught they are not worthwhile, they decide they don't have to keep their bodies sacred and that their wants/needs are not less important than a "friend" who tries to convince them that his or her need for sex is more important than your child's right to choice. They are easier to be manipulated when that happens.

I would have to say that educating your kids is the most important thing you can do. You can't stop them from having sex. You can make sure that they have all the facts and know the possible consequences of their actions. I don't feel that having the perfect family with the stay at home mom and the working dad and all that stuff is going to stop a child from having sex. A single mom is just as capable of teaching her children right and wrong. i believe you need to have respect for your children and let them know that they are able to come talk to you if they ever feel the need. yelling and screaming at them at the first mention of sex is not going to work to your advantage and locking them up to prevent the opportunity from arising is not going to help. When they get out it's likely they will go wild and end up doing more than they would have if you had just provided the support they needed.