Sex and love. Most folks will agree they are best when one accompanies the other. But each, by itself, can be entertaining as well.
Styles in literature, as it pertains to sex and love, are as changeable as anything seen on a New York fashion runway. Things that used to get an author "banned in Boston" are now found on bestseller lists. Sex and love don't just show up in steamy romance novels anymore. They are equally likely to appear in thrillers or mysteries or just about any other genre.
The treatment of sex and love in literature runs the gamut. Back in the 70s and 80s, blatant scenes of often-violent sexual assault, in what came to be known as "bodice rippers", were what passed for "love" scenes in the romance industry. I picked up one of these not long ago and was appalled. The hero drugged and raped the heroine in order to sully her so that her fiancé would no longer want her. He did this, of course, because he loved her, and eventually, she returned that affection. In another famous, and hugely bestselling series by Rosemary Rogers, the hero and heroine romp through three books, willy-nilly engaging in sex and/or love affairs and/or marriages with multiple partners. If I recall, the heroine is sexually assaulted by bandits, pirates, a Turkish pasha, Native Americans, soldiers, and prison guards, as well as by her beloved. Of course, it is only the last one she loves. And in spite of abandoning her multiple times (at one time, while she is pregnant with his twins), marrying and/or cavorting with others, of course the hero loves her as well, and there is the requisite happily ever after.
In mainstream contemporary erotica today, love is sometimes included as an element, but just as often, the encounters are purely for sexual purposes. The sex scenes in these works very often are include threesomes/multiples, same sex couplings, every level of BDSM from light to dark, or a combination of these elements. Plot and character development varies from being an integral part of the story, to merely being the thread that twines through the scenes. Yet even in these, at least by mainstream publishers such as Ellora's Cave, certain acts and pairings are still off limits.
Popular new inspirational love stories are at the opposite end of the spectrum, with the emphasis on relationship development, the sacredness of one's body and sex, and the invaluable importance of love as the most important element in the story. These types of stories are gaining growing audiences.
The current "fashion" in literature, as far as sex scenes vs. love scenes goes, provides enormous freedom for authors and readers of every taste and style. How do you, as a writer, incorporate love scenes or sex scenes or love/sex scenes in your works? How did you decide what level of heat was right for you to write about? And if you don't include this in your works, why not?
The group No Whine, Just Champagne will try to answer this question during our Live Chat on Thursday, July 3rd, at 9:00pm ET. Hope to see you there!
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Comments: 108
I think it is possible to write about sex without love, and about love without sex. The hardest is to write a loving sex scene. It isnt hard to write one, but it is hard to write one well.
Sex ( without love)
His eyes lingered on her legs, and then rose to her face. Seeing her watching him look at her, was all he needed. He smiled and walked over to her.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Are you staying here?"
"Yes I am"
"Alone?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Why do you think?"
She was smiling, and he stopped talking and held out his hand. She took it, slipped off the bar stool, and allowed him to lead her away from the pool, and along the path leading to the beach.
"Oh", she murmured, "I love the beach at night." They reached the sand and the music from the resort faded as the sound of the surf grew in intensity. At some point, when they were far enough away, he stopped, and took her into his arms. There was no resistance on her part. Within a few minutes, the beach dress and the bathing suits were gone. He penetrated her while they were still standing, and then, after a few moments she got down on her hands and knees. Finally, braving the hard packed sand, and the gentle wash of the ocean, she lay down on her back, and they came together in a thunderous and joyful tribute to their youth and happiness.
Love (without sex.)
He could see her sitting there at the bar. She was beautiful. Her hair moved as she talked to the girl sitting next to her. Her whole body participated in every word she spoke. Her eyes sparkled, and her skin shone. Helena. He said her name under his breath, thinking of the first time he had met her, back at the start of the semester. She was kind, she was gentle. She had gone with him to a movie, and he had kissed her when he brought her back to the dorm. And now here they were, at the same resort at the same time. He thought again of the words he would use when he walked up to her. And then it happened. Some older guy, maybe 30 or more approached her. They were staring at each other, and talking. She was smiling. Why? She didn't know this guy. Oh no, she was leaving with him.
He watched them head away from the poolside and walk, hand in hand toward the beach. This cannot be happening, he told himself. He wanted to follow, but he stopped himself. The pain was physical and agonizing. The world had ended, and he wondered why no one else was running hysterically from the scene of universal doom.
Love and Sex Together
Exactly the same as scene 1, except that the man is the narrator from scene 2.
See you all tonight! (Except Simon, of course.)
And one of the reasons I specifically asked Simon to participate was because of his contribtion to the Sex/Violence discussion a few weeks ago, where he wrote a wonderful example of love expressed with no more than a heated glance.
But I used it to show how much he loved the woman he finally ended up with.
What made him flash back to the past was the woman's perfume, the same one the concubine wore. And then when he smelled the same perfume on his true love, "From now on, he knew, whenever he caught a whiff of that scent, it would remind him of this moment, of her, of the teasing look in her eyes."
And I also think it's cool to use a flashback at that moment. Sounds like you didn't want the focus to be on the sex happening, but on the emotions, and the love. Well done!
I write romance, and am not ashamed to say I do.
I could write erotica, but wouldn't tell a soul if a title was mine.
Love plays a major role, the relationship is developed making physical intimacy a natural next step. There are degrees here as well. Personally I try to play on the side of not too much detail and focus on the emotions of the situation.
I have a wip where a friends with benefits will be mentioned, not shown, because it's part of the character's experience. I'm certainly not in the habit of having bed hopping characters.. it has no purpose in propelling the story forward..except maybe to fill pages.
I enjoy reading both love scenes and sex scenes. I like, too, when they are blended. What turns me off is is a romance with absolutely no hint of sexual tension or a sex scene only about parts A and B with no surrounding narrative. Either extreme is unrealistic and therefore takes me right out of the story.
As for friend and family love, very different indeed.
Hi, Wendy!
Hi Wendy! Modern mainstream romance does frown on bed-hopping, although clearly, in the 70s and early 80s, that was the norm. Only Kathleen Woodiweiss, of the six grand dames fo bodice rippers, had monogamous relationships. I'm glad to see the trend now is definately for monogamy.
Hi, Beth. I hate sex scenes with only body parts. Or heat that's artificially generated because of som contrived conflict.
So, any examples of non-adult/sex related scenes of love? Pat B., while you're busy killing off half of a state, do you include sisterly/brotherly love, or parental love?
And Brenda, you've done a magnificent job of describing an erotic scene. Yes, it should totally include all the sense, which is what you've done!
I mention male/female differences knowing that not all men are the same and not all women are the same and not all want in the same way. But men and women are different and typically have different responses in the same situation.
"He got to his feet and walked over to Greg. He stood in front of Greg for a long time, staring at him with wide, solemn eyes. Then he climbed into Greg's lap and nestled into the crook of his arm.
Kate stopped breathing. Since she heard not even a whisper of a sound, she thought the others had, too, but she didn't turn to see. She couldn't take her eyes off the little boy; although Shadow had come to tolerate their hugs, this was the first time he had willingly touched any of them."
But that's not a proper response to the question. Do you write love scenes? You'd have to; I can't imagine any book without some sort of connection between two people.
Ken... I have no way to convey the sound of my groan.
Pat B., yes, oh yes, that's absolutely a love scene, and very well done!
Pat B, and Wendy. Yes, it's the addition of those tiny, almost throw away elements that add depth. The inside of the wrist is a good one (and the inside of the elbow!)
I think it's funny. You started out with no sex, but each book you write has more than the last.
My first attempt at writing a novel (which needs so much rewriting that I don't consider it one of my works) was very erotic, and each novel has less than the last. In fact, the last one had none at all. I tried to put it in there, but it didn't fit. The couple were so in tune that it seemed redundant.
"The rising sun shot pink spots of light across his chest, and I chased them with my lips."
Now that I'm reading it again, though, I don't like the word "shot" Ideas?
I just thought of another reason for the monogamous relationships in books: there is always a movement away from the middle toward the outer reaches. So perhaps the trend is toward monogamy on one side and eroticism on the other with nothing in the middle.
Also, with series books, the old way of the detective having a new sex partner in every book went out when female detectives came in.
Trying to follow: gratuitous sex is like junk food, you can honestly only eat so much of it. Part of it is cyclically and historically speaking trends of sexuality and hemlines often follow economics. Roaring 20's with ground breaking attitudes were followed by the Great Depression. The eighties were still fallout for the wildness of the seventies which was just about throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
The romance market is mainly geared to women; therefore, the media must meet the requirements. Women are more highly aroused by psychological than sexual. Ironically, in opposition to heterosexual males, heterosexual females are not "turned off" by imagery of women like HM are of other men.
But the dog is demanding a walk. See y'all in a few.
Love- is an emotion while sex is an action. As pointed out, love has multiple manifestations, as does sex, though only a few are sanctioned in our society.
For me the most powerful loves scenes are those that denote tenderness in a character when you least expect it.
Funny Pat B. how women place themselves within the image of another. The difference in the hardwiring of the male and female mind are truly amazing.
A cold damp pressed against her cheek, she rubbed at it to go away. Her toes peeked out from the duvet and dangled over the edge, suddenly a warm large tongue licked them. Sticking her head up and pushing the hair out of her face Natalie could see Hannibal. Groaning, she rolled over and into something else. That something else was – oh God, as last night came roaring back into her mind and she surveyed both the disheveled state of her bedding and their nakedness. She slid out of bed, hoping not to disturb its sole remaining occupant.
Jill, I'm with the rest of the folks. I love the concept you have written, and just a couple of word changes will spike the heat!
Vivian, yes, wonderful. Women do see themselves within images of one another, which is why it is so important for our heroines to be someone the reader is comfortable living in for awhile.
Thanks- life with animals always involve a bit of comedic relief.
He Said, She Said, He Does, She Doesn't
Thanks ladies. A walk in the fading light calls. Ciao!
Since everyone is heading out, I'll say goodnight as well. Thanks to the Pats for another fun Thursday discussion. See everyone next week.
I have written some love scenes that are set in the eighties where the characters end up having sex. Given the major change in attitudes about STDs at that time, making no mention of contraceptives would not have fit the times. By contrast, I agree very much with Beth about the very different "anything goes" attitudes of the Seventies and one of the scenes I have set in that period has a much more uninhibited flavor.