Child abuse and neglect is on the rise and still children are scared to speak out. There is no age on these abused children, and majority of the time its someone they know. A little piece of information that you may of not known; neglect is the first most reported type of child abuse. Physical abuse comes in second on reports. Sexual abuse comes in last reported cases.
People aren't educating their children and worse they aren't educating themselves. Baby James is now 2 years old was abused the day he came home from the hospital. The day he came home his birth mother wouldn't feed him, get up with him, care for him. First excuse individuals automatically passed this off on was postpartum. This kept going on it soon came to the end when he was 2 weeks old and she left him alone in a apartment. She then dropped him off at my home abandoned with all his belongings. In return she was around him at 5 months of age to turn around and not only neglect to take care of him again but try to drown him. Now I ask you how many times do we keep passing off that its postpartum? How many times will you say well they need mental help? You know I am to the point I don't care what is wrong with them. Lets get real people of course they are mental if they are going to abuse their child. There is no doubt in my mind they are mental so do we not get that child help? At 2 years old James now hits and screams in anger. I am not saying a normal 2 year old temper tantrums here. I have 2 children a 21 and 16 year old I know how a two year old acts. What did we do for James? We now have had him evaluated, after all the tests was done it came back to James being abused. What I am saying here is it don't matter what age the abuse or what type it effects these children and you can't tell me different. They tell me he is to young to receive counseling and I can understand that, but what do we do? We start today not only for the counseling with stress of all of this for me and Eric but they are going to help us learn how to help James. It is a obstacle raising a child it is more of one raising an abused child.
The question now comes when is to young to educate about abuse. We have started when James started touching himself like all children do when they just learn they got something down there. I tell him that is his and his alone, I tell him to go to his room if he is going to do that. I want to teach him that is done in private with him alone. I don't allow him to run around naked. Why? If he runs around naked what is that telling him? To me its telling him its okay for people to see him like that. When he screams at us I tell him "James you don't yell you hurt mommies feelings have nice voice" When he hits I take his hands in mine and say "No James you hurt mommy good hands." If he hits with a toy it gets taken away. Lets say he hits with it in the morning it gets taken away till after nap, if its in the afternoon till the next morning and he sees me take away and put it up. I was taught that one from a birth to three worker who evaluated him. Right there you are covering education on sexual, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. This is again at the age of 2 years old, actually starting a lot sooner.
Some may say I am wrong and maybe so but I am using common since here. It is logical they don't learn if you don't talk to them or teach them. They learn by your actions so if you don't want them to do it you don't do it. We all make mistakes it is natural we are human. This can happen to anyones child at any age. It don't matter how protective you are of them it happens and reports say more cases are by a loved one or someone you know. If you love your child do the best thing for them education isn't only in school it starts at home.
Do you educate? What do you do to educate?
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Comments: 57
The courts have it in their heads that the natural mother just must be the best for the child.
That's very far from always true. We see case after case where children end up badly injured or dead because public service believes that myth.
Education should start the instant a child is able to start learning a language.
That's usually pretty early. Kindness is taught by example. Unfortunately, so is cruelty.
My brother and I were able to break that pattern because we had a good mother.
It was not easy in my brother's case, but we all kept helping, and my nephew grew up un - abused and happy.
On the other hand, they also need to have only low levels of anxiety and stress, ones that they can control. Therefore, think before exposing them to things they need to learn.
I always talked too and listened to my kids. ANswered each questionsometimes over and over.
For every action there is a reaction, If they misbehaved they were punished. I bellieve in time outs weither it be in thier room, or in the cornor, or in a special chair. And sure why not a toys time out.
Here's a portion of it (Fair Use):
If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
It goes on from there, but the fact is these lessons are learned shortly after the very first breath a child takes.
Having said that, I'm a little put out by your brush off of mothers with post partum depression. It's a medical condition and is not something the mother can control without help and in some cases medication. I'm happy for James and your family but very concerned that no one seems to have given much consideration to his birth mother.
I have taught my children that
A: Life is not fair get used to it now and you will not be disappointed later.
B: When they were little like James...if there was something that my children weren't supposed to touch, I would tell them that that was a no but I would find something that was ok to play with and tell them this is a yes. Telling them no all the time is not going to help and usually makes the child rebel.
C: Tell the child the truth when they ask. DO NOT LIE TO YOUR CHILD> It hurts them and it hurts your relationship.
D: Taught them that no matter what they could always come to me and I will not judge them. I may not like there actions and be mad. But I always tell them that I love them more than anything. I just don't want them to try to be perfect it is an unattainable thing.
Well Renee I think that you are doing fine explaining why he can't hit. Children learn what they live. You already knew that~~
Karen
I think you are doing an amazing job.
My only concern is when you say bad hands. I really don't think he knows the difference and that it is confusing him. I think you are right by telling him don't. But not by saying bad hand......I was taught along time ago. You don't tell a child they are bad. It messes with their self esteem. Instead of telling the child they are bad. You need to teach them you won't tolerate bad behavior. There is a big difference.
I'm sure counseling is important for your entire family. But don't feel as though James will always suffer over his past abuse. They say that ten positive words negate, one negative word. I think that is true of experiences, as well. If you give him many, many positive experiences it will go a long way towards healing the hurt of the negative.
http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Martine-Agassi-Ph-D/dp/1575420775/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214945935&sr=8-1
hugs,
To Raise Children It Takes . . .
Beautiful icon,,,
Thank you Marie I sent you a email hun I hope it helps.
a copy of it to each of my children I taped it to their refridgerator!!
They saw it every time that fridge door was opened. Thank you so
much for bringing this up Renee. *smiles*
Instead of bad hands, how about fun hands? If he is hitting or throwing, have a ball for throwing, like playing catch. And for hitting, teach him patty cake, distracting him from his frustratioin and turn it into a fun time with Mommy. At least at first distraction is better than anything. As he gets older he will test those limits less.
Sounds like you have a good handle on how things are being done. Keep on loving him and you can't do too much wrong.
Oh, about the touching his um, down there. LOL My son was about 5 when sitting in the living room after his bath, before getting his jammies on, he was kind of scratching around down there. I just told him that if he had an itch or needed to adjust things to remember not to do it in front of people, cause it might embarrass them. He took it very well, and never forgot.
Ah, the fun of the little ones. I am almost jealous, almost ;o)
We began that when she was about 18 months old. Two minutes in time out is a long time for a toddler. We hugged, she apologised and I forgave. She is a very happy, well behaved eleven year old now.
Tantrums will stop when there is no audience, so leaving the room, or removing the child to another room works well.
NEVER tell a child he or she is a "BAD" boy or girl. Having no one else to give them information, they will believe you, behave badly and feel bad about themselves.
More than anything else. There is no substitute. No stories, timeouts, talks, spankings or reprimands will ever come close and not a doctor or therapy in the world can ever do anything for a child. Most only torment the child more and todays "therapies" mainly include medications that are far too damaging for their normal development. No matter how much a child is abused this is the only cure.
I love you.
More powerful than anything else you can say.
Goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby james
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Wont you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby james
(Taylor)
"as soon as a child is cognizant of it's surroundings the educational process can begin"
And this occurs prior to being born. Whatever we think is irrelevant a child actually starts learning during the second trimester and it never stops.
The saddest truth is that many parents aren't cognizant of the child's surroundings. How many have ever put themselves in their child's place to see the world from their point of view?
"Listen hear the sound
The child awakes
Wonder all around
The child awakes
Now in his life he never must be lost
No thoughts must deceive him
In life he must trust
With the eyes of a child
You must come out and see
That your world's spinning 'round
And through life you will be
A small part
Of a hope
Of a love
That exists
In the eyes of a child you will see
Earth falls far away
New life awaits
Time it has no day
New life awaits
Here is your dream and now how does it feel
No words will go with you
And now what is real?"
I'm gonna sit and watch the web
That you will build this day
Will it be a thread of love you weave
Is yours too short away
Then everything will
be as you will see in
the light
In the eyes of the child
You must come out and see
That your world's spinning 'round
And through life you will be
A small part
Of a hope
Of a love
That exists
In the eyes of a child you will see
(Hayward(?))
You will do well with him.... you care and you model behavior that is appropriate.... he will learn far more from what you do and how he sees you treat people than he will from what you say.
With my children, I was not comfortable with the bad hands expression. When I corrected them for touching something they shouldn't, I told them to look with their eyes not with their hands... after all... at that age that is what the touching of things is... exploring and "looking" at it.... and they learned that there were things they could touch and things they had to only look at.... and as for hitting.... "No" is a great word.... as is "NO.... no hitting" Showing extreme concern over the object or person being hit also works will with a child that age. So if child A hits child B.... you tell child A... "No.... No hitting" and ignore them while you rush to child B and shower them with attention.... hugs... smiles.... play a game with them.... We used this method at some of my La Leche League toddler meetings and it really was amazingly effective at eradicating aggressive behavior among the toddlers.
You have good instincts and you will do great....
Angel
When my daughter was a little girl, I drilled it into her head that her body is sacred and that no one has the right to touch her, inappropriately. She learned, early on, that there's a difference between good touching and bad touching!
You are doing an awesome job with James and I know you will continue to nurture your little boy! Love the new icon!!! God bless you, Renee!!!!
For you, you are doing great with the discipline. You have a special needs child and so you will need to have tight reins. You will have your hands full when he is older. In California, they can start getting services at age 3. You may have to push it but he will be able to go to preschool, get testing, and stuff. If you need help, I will research it for you.
p.s. How did I do? Will you approve my comment? I am just acting like a friend.
By the way of course I will approve your comment