Above is a picture of me as a baby. I believe I was about 4 weeks old.
Tomorrow is my 40th birthday and yet I have no excitement what so ever. Some of you will probable think its the age thing but to be honest really it isn't. I mean sure it seems weird here I am going to be 40 and my husband is 25. Do I care about that? To be honest no, I am very much in love and more then I ever have been before. So, you ask why am I so in the dumps?
Above is another picture of me. How could a mother not love her baby?
For you that don't know I was a child of abuse. My mother still to this day emotionally abuses me, my father physically, and my uncle molested me. I was hoping to have so many more signatures on the law then what I have. I was hoping to have the foundation out there more then I have now. My hospital stays recently, husband loosing his job, as well as the fight for James' adoption has put a hold on the foundation. I will say I don't regret any of this and I will fight till the end for James. His so called bio mother finally signed termination papers, however she called a few nights ago to cuss us out I don't know how many times. Now she I guess is in a better mood again. I have so much anger in this woman to be honest with all of you I would like to get ahold of her and just knock the crap out of her. I know it probable wouldn't solve anything except me feeling better but I have no sympathy for her. She is diagnosed with Bipolar and Psychzophrenia and still she won't take her medicine. Her grandmother told us that she hasn't taken it since she was incarcertaed, which was a year. She is mixed up with a man that you can tell by his actions what kind of person he is. I just want this done with and her out of our life forever; especially out of James'. We have filed report after report for her breaking order of protection with no success of her getting locked back up. Finally after a meeting with the states attorney he agreed to the warrant but recommended we do it after July 3rd so hopefully she don't back out of the adoption. He agreed to call her and let her know she was breaking the order of protection so far so good. I know Laura though it won't last.
Above my parents. I believe this was taken soon after I was born. Where was the love? Where did it go for the family?
Now lets go to my abusers, I am pissed to the world with all three of them. My father for all the abuse, alcohol, drugs I witnessed with him. My uncle for molesting me (my parents for witnessing this and never doing anything). My mother for continuing the abuse. Our of all of them I guess what hurts the most is my mother. How can a mother treat her daughter so bad? I still ask what I have done to make her hate me so much? I would do anything to hear the phone ring tomorrow and hear "happy birthday" but I know she won't, for that matter either will my father if he even remembers tomorrow is my birthday. Then I have people sit there and tell me I need to forgive. No I don't need to forgive, how do you forgive someone who hasn't changed? Don't believe me ask I will tell you how to contact her and I will tell you what she will say to you.
Yes I am diagnosed with PTSD and depression all from years of abuse. This pisses me off too because I have all of these people sit there and tell me how I should solve my problems their way. I am solving it with this foundation. I am fighting for what parents shouuld fight for, I am fighting for these children. Then the famous one I have received how I am supporting sex offenders because I made an article on how I don't see why they aren't allowed to participate in adult choir and how I think it should be different as far as the registry goes for these offenders. For you that don't know what I am referring to its this article "Sex offenders sue for right to volunteer in church - What do you think?" In no way do I want everyone to agree with me , however in no way am I standing up for these sick individuals. I am just saying I think this registry has gone to far, its time parents stop wanting this registry to save their kids and they start saving them themselves. What ever happened to adults monitoring their children including at church? Why do so many people trust individuals with their children? It is time we as parents take a stand for them and stop wanting the law to do it for us.
I guess yes right now I have a lot of anger. I will admit this, but I will also admit I am now back to fight full force for these kids. I will not give up no matter who tries. My anger is helping with the fight and I am using it in a positive way. That is something I can't say I have done in the past.
Now as to what I want from anyone at all for my birthday. It is quite simple to be honest..
1. Signatures to Baby James Law
2. Individuals to copy the flier and post it. Just one copy can reach so many individuals. I don't even care where its posted a laundry mat, school, daycare, newspaper, even a bar I don't care. If you will just please let me know where you posted it and that you did I would appreciate knowing.
If you need the flier emailed please email me at president@babyjamesfoundation.com I will be happy to email you a copy.
One final thing I am sorry if I came across as hateful or ungrateful. I am very grateful for what I have. I just want the best for James, and all other children of abuse. I want my abusers to just say I messed up. I have removed myself from my abusers and will never put myself or my family in danger again. That abuse has made me the person I am today that I can thank my abusers for.
I am sorry for going on and on I really needed to let it out. I am excited about the 3rd being the adoption court; I am just real scared as well. I don't want my little boy to suffer anymore then he already has in the arms of his abuser as I did for so many years. Thank you all for your support I love you all.
Above our foundations flier.
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Comments: 103
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know how your parents could have done that stuff. I am sorry you had to deal with it.
Happy Birthday Renee.
Cute baby photos.
Kerrell I will do what I can I promise that.
Janet thank you. To be honest I am thankful my abuse wasn't to the degree of some children. I don't know how a parent can do the things they have done and do either. Me, as a parent I sure know I couldn't. I may not be the best parent but I sure not an abusive one.
there is no excuse for abuse!
I can remember in Middle school the counsler asking me about my sisters bruises and I lied for him !! But ya know that was years ago and yes it still effects me but not as much.
Your doing a great thing here let it set you free !! Remember nothing that is worth anything comes easy !!!
Love and Prayers and Many Blessings
Happy birthday Renee, I hope you do celebrate and enjoy your day.
Terry amazes me because of that. Her mom abused her through all of the yeats of her childhood and even as an adult has never really shown her any love. The fact that Terry is the exact opposite of that and the most loving woman that I have ever seen is what amazes me. She is also the best mother I have ever seen to her children and that is so impressive considering how she was raised.
I also was brough up with an alcoholic abusive father and I think that effected me in ways both good and bad. The scars will always be there but I also knew because of how I was raised that I wanted to be a totally different type of father. Alcohol and the damage it can do if used in an irresponsible way taught me something to through how my father was. That is why I do not condemn drinking but I rarely do any myself and always am aware of what it did to my dad and many other people I have known.
Please send me one of the fliers to my Gather e-mail if you can Renee? If not let me know and I will give you my regular e-mail address. Also where would I sign your petition? I will gladly do so!
Try looking forward, you have a good life now. You have a beautiful little boy to watch grow to a young man. A good husband to grow old with. You have alot more then most right now.
You are smarter then alot of women out there, who grow up being abused to going into a marriage full of it and a lifetime of it. God bless your family.
Many happy birthday blessing to you. Enjoy the day with your family.
I agree with Kerrell.
Renee as I stare at your baby photo it is in my heart confirmation that your battles gave U the training, the strength, the wisdom and the energy for winning the war.
Happy 4-0! It is YOUR SEASON!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og5AaN0jeq8
Bob I will message you and the law can be signed at Baby James Foundation I should of included that
Patty actually I wasn't always the smarter one. I have been married three times and I followed those steps of abuse. My second husband was very abusive.
I am bipolar with PTSD. I take my meds every day every four hours. I have two beautiful and intelligent and wonderful children. I have my own home. I take other kids in if there parents are messed up. Many a child has stayed at my home. So that is what I do. I like to help children too. I understand that Renee. I really think that once all of this is over and the papers are signed you will feel better and maybe you and your family can celebrate your Birthday on that day from now on. Hold on you are almost there.
Love,
Karen
I hope the 3rd goes well
and try to do at least one thing that will make you smile tomorrow
When people tell you to forgive. It isn't for the abusers sake. It is for your own. An option would be for you to do is forgive them than walk away and don't look back. That is what I have done with my abusers. I have made sure I didn't continue the cycle either. I am sorry you are going through all of this.I just know I refuse to let the abusers continue to hurt me after all these years.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers on the 3rd. May all go well for you and your family.
(((((BIG BIRTHDAY HUG)))))
I'm 68 and every morning is a birthday. Happy birthday to you. You have reached a milestone , bu tonly one of many.
You are doing so much for those that have no voice.
I do believe with all my heart that those who perpetrate these horrible acts upon those who cannot defend themselves WILL, one day, regret their actions... even if it only happens as they are drawing their last breath upon this earth... Their horror will start when they realize that it is too late to do anything to try and make it right...
Oh' and happy Birthday to you.
and happy birthday!!
Many heart-felt Prayers for you ~
René
I am so sorry that you have suffered so much in your life but it seems to me that you have a positive outlet for your anger and suffering. You are doing a beautiful thing and I know that many are grateful to you for this.
I have about a dozen brand new teddy bears that I have put into plastic bags (to protect from dust and whatever) that I have received as gifts. I would love to donate these to your foundation and possibly contribute a little cash. Please contact me if you are interested.
You said your Mom emotionally abuses you to this day. Is she a part of your life now? You might feel relief by keeping her at a distance. I know it is nearly impossible because she is your Mom, but ... well, you know...
Peace to you and thanks for sharing. Happy 40th...you have made it far!
But when I read His Word and knew that He had forgiven us all enough to allow His son to die for us, I became able to let it go and forgive as well. The hurt and the pain of it all eats us alive and if we don't learn to forgive, it just continues to destroy our lives. While I was living my life daily, hating everybody, they were not even giving me a second thought and were living their lives to the fullest. I couldn't sleep at night but I bet you they were sleeping like babies!
Let it go for Renee and believe me, you'll wonder why you waited so long. What you are doing for baby James is a most wonderful thing and yes, you are entitled to be happy! Reaching the age of of forty is a blessing from God! Enjoy your birthday ( and every day) and be happy! And you know that you've got it going on with a twenty-five year old husband girl! What's not to be happy about that?! :)
All Cheers and blessings are with you strengthening your resolve
and making your 'NOW' most updated as a social worker of outstanding caliber !!
Happy birthday to You Dear Rene !!!
Esther that is so sweet of you and the bears will come in handy. I will contact you in message.
Sandy S. no I don't speak to my mom in less it is something I really must. Those really must times don't happen to often. Last time was when my dad was in the hospital and she wanted to make herself look good so upon his request she contacted me to let me know he was in ICU. Mind you she has said numerous times how she hated him, wanted him dead, and I can go on. They have been divorced for years but again for sympothy upon herself went to his bedside. Yes I know this is true this is how she works. At any case answer to your question no I have nothing to do with her.
Dr. Arlene
This was in the 40's to 60's when it was just ignored. I escaped as soon as I was able.
i love you... i love your new icon... very sweet...
Hi5 Comments @ Hi5Tags.com
You are a true surivivor! You have survived and you have triumphed over all sorts of abuse and adversity. Now you have your son and husband who love you.
This is cause for rejoicing! Kick out the blues and celebrate! You are very special.
Thank you all for the support and the Birthday wishes
Don't let your parents get the best of you.
Live your best life, that within itself is the best revenge.
Keep away from what's bad in your life.
You don't have to forgive, you are not ready.
When you are, you will know.
It is easier said then done. I have never been physically abused thank goodness.
But, emotional scars run deep just as well.
I can't truly understand how you feel. But, know that you are not alone and that others have suffered with you.
You have made the first step by helping other children avoid the hurt and the pain that you endured. You should be commended.
And, be easy on yourself. You have much to live for, much to rejoice in.
You have to go through trials and tribulations before you see the light at the end of the rainbow.
Have faith, and you will see that eventually everything will be okay.
loving husband and little James this would make them happy
to share this with you. Make a cake have icecream be happy
because you are alive, saving James also many others Renee!!
I would celebrate with you if I could young lady. You can be so
happy young lady if you let yourself. I did, I'm happy!!
Huggers4U
Just Me
Barbie
Obviously, this has taken a toll on you (PTSD, etc), but you seem to me a strong capable woman who is motivated to create postive, constructive change that will impact on the lives of others...
I wish I could do more for them and people like them. I can sign your petition and I can put some fliers up in our area, although we are several states away. If you believe it will help your cause though, I'm happy to do so.
To those who withhold refuge,
I cradle you in safety at the core of my Being.
To those that cause a child to cry out,
I grant you the freedom to express your own choked agony.
To those that inflict terror,
I remind you that you shine with the purity of a thousand suns.
To those who would confine, suppress, or deny,
I offer the limitless expanse of the sky.
To those who need to cut, slash, or burn,
I remind you of the invincibility of Spring.
To those who cling and grasp,
I promise more abundance than you could ever hold onto.
To those who vent their rage on small children,
I return to you your deepest innocence.
To those who must frighten into submission,
I hold you in the bosom of your original mother.
To those who cause agony to others,
I give the gift of free flowing tears.
To those that deny another's right to be,
I remind you that the angels sang in celebration of you on the day of your
birth.
To those who see only division and separateness,
I remind you that a part is born only by bisecting a whole.
For those who have forgotten the tender mercy of a mother's embrace,
I send a gentle breeze to caress your brow.
To those who still feel somehow incomplete,
I offer the perfect sanctity of this very moment.
..
U wishing you laughter and healing
Thank You for working to positively change the world around you.
You are doing a good thing - despite MANY bad things happening to you. Please let that help ease the anger. That emotion is way more powerful than you realize - take care of yourself and find a positive way to release that energy before it causes you permanent damage and sucks the energy right out of you.
Been there, done that. No one else can tell you how to feel or how to get to a better place, so I'll just tell you two things I did that make me look forward to birthdays now.
Let go of the anger. How is up to you. I wrote a letter to my mother, filled with all the fear and anger I'd saved up and played and replayed in my head and my heart over and over all these years. Then, I folded it into a paper crane. I set it on fire, and as the the smoke and ashes rose, I said to myself, "Thank goodness. Now that problem is gone."
Second, the best revenge is to be the mother you always wished you had. I told (and still tell) my children and husband how much I love them every chance I got. I make sure to "catch them doing something good" and compliment them on things they do so well. I have encouraged their special talents and made them understand that each of them is special and unique and important.
Forget wasting anymore time on people who obviously had their own problems, problems you will probably never fully know or understand. Use your energy on doing good things and loving the people who deserve you.
Have a happy birthday!
Happy fourth of july!
May you find peace in your heart!