My Husband, My Hero

8 Months and Counting.... Counting the days he's been gone, counting the days before he finally gets to come home... Explaining to our children over and over, that he's not going to be gone forever, and no, Daddy doesn't live in the computer.  Dealing with nightmares, temper tantrums, testing limits, etc... All side effects of Daddy being gone. Explaining that it will be yet a few more months before Daddy returns, knowing that I'll have this conversation daily, for toddlers/preschoolers have no real concept of time yet.

Sleeping alone every night, marking off the days on the calendar as they pass, seeing that it's not passing by nearly as slowly as I thought, and yet, 4 more months seems so far away.... Having to make decisions without my "Other Half". Harder than I thought in so many ways, yet easier than others. Missing the joy of waking up next to him every single day, missing the joy of having dinner as a family, going out as a couple, missing cuddling on the couch watching television! I even miss silly things like washing his dirty socks and underwear!

Knowing that I usually only get one chance per day, to hear his voice or see his face... if that at all. But knowing I am lucky, to have as much contact as we do. To be able to HEAR his voice at all, or see his face at all, I am blessed. The selfish part of me screams inside "Why me?", the unselfish part of me is proud of my husband, proud of all he is doing... So very thankful that he is willing to do whatever it takes to take care of me and our children, and to serve our country.

Giving birth to our youngest child without him here, hard. Very hard. Probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. It kills me inside, to know he won't meet our beautiful new child until he is almost 10 months old. I hate knowing how much he's missed out on our baby's life, how much he's missing out on Baby's life now and will, for the next few months.  Every new thing that Baby does, I try to document and take pictures of, tell Daddy right away, let Daddy hear Baby's sounds, cries, laughing, etc... But I feel often, that it's not enough. No, I know it's not.

Really hard, wondering how well he and Baby will bond when he DOES return home. I tell Baby about Daddy, how wonderful Daddy is, how HARD Daddy works, how much Daddy loves him and can't wait to meet him.  I like to think he knows and understands, and that he's waiting on Daddy to come home too.  I only hope and pray that he and Daddy will be as close as Daddy is to our other children.

Hubby calls us almost every day, whether it be over the phone, or over the internet, so we can do video-chat. He always listens intently to the children and I, and I know how important these calls are to him. I know how hard it is for him to be this far away from us, and I know how hard it is on me. I think we all live for the moments when we can talk, laugh, and share how our days went with each other.  Sometimes, he and I talk, and we get "snippy", and we get our feelings hurt with each other... We have to remember though, that the stress is normal for deployment, and we try to be patient and understanding with each other. 

 It's really hard when we're both tired and super-stressed. He calls even when I know he's exhausted and could be sleeping. He calls me at night before he goes to sleep. Night, his time, is my early evening or late afternon. And sometimes, he calls me in the morning before he goes to work for the day. Morning for him, is my very late-night or early AM here.

I love talking to him every chance I get, but each time we talk in the mornings as he's getting ready for work, it reminds me of the danger he's in, of how fragile life really is, and of how glad (and relieved!) I will be, when he gets back home so we can get back to our family life again.  I fear for his safety, I fear for his life. I am constantly uttering prayers under my breath for his continued safety.

 He tries to reassure me, everytime I tell him to "be safe", that he is safe and okay, and that he's not in any "real" danger. And I know he is more concerned with my well-being than his own. The problem is, I am more worried about HIM than me. I guess it's good that we are both concerned about the other, and I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who will reassure me and try to allay my fears, yet I worry.  He's doing HIS job, while I'm doing mine.

I couldn't be prouder of my husband, and I know that we're going to come out of this deployment stronger than ever before. I'm so happy being his wife, and the mother of his children, OUR children. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for my children, and I know I could search the whole world over, and I would never find another man that comes anywhere CLOSE to him. 

I thank God every single day that he brought this wonderful, brave man into my life, and I LIVE for his beautiful smile. I live to see his happiness. I want nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life, raise our babies, and grow old together. He truly is my "Other Half". He's my best friend, and (forgive the cliche'), my Soul Mate.

II am so very proud of my husband, for all he has done, and is doing for me and our babies. He is a beautiful person, both inside and out. He is an awesome husband and father, and I am so proud of him for serving our country. I miss him terribly, and I can't wait to see him again. But I know our love will get us through this, and anything else life throws our way!

Thank-you Honey, for everything you do- for being you. I love you with all of my heart, and I can't wait to see you and hold you again soon! *SMOOCHES*