I want to work... Where do I find a good babysitter I can trust?

Approximately a week ago, my man and I almost got in a car wreck, pulling out of Walmart parking lot when we had a tire blow out with our young 6 month old daughter in the vehicle. Previously, us both struggling financially and not being able to afford tires and all people say is "get a new tire, if you have to, buy one at a time" when honestly, they don't or never understood, that we had to pay bills, buy things for our baby and if we just drop everything, we wouldn't even have food to eat after gasoline. Things have been so tight lately, that embarrassingly, we had to go to the food pantry to get food a couple days ago. I was very ashamed as a mother and its the worst feeling in the world, to have to ask someone for food or diapers for your child. Don't get me wrong- I didn't ask for diapers, nor wipes, but they looked at me, handed them to me in a cart full of stuff, and said, "You're pregnant." And I told them yes and they said, "What do you eat while pregnant?" I paused and got quiet. The lady said, "Do you like yogurt?," and I said, "yes," and she said, "Strawberry or peach"... and I hated having to choose like I was gonna be judged any minute in the process. I was quiet and then said, "strawberry" and then the lady said, "Rice is healthy for you while pregnant," and I responded, "I don't know," hiding back tears. She said, "We will give you rice." She then said, "Do you need diapers?" I got quiet and didn't say anything, not making eye contact. "Well, I got some" and she said, "Well, you might need some for emergencies and said, "How about formula?" I was so scared any minute she would go back to a CPS worker and stat everything down and told her, "Yes, I have two cans from my WIC left" ... She said, "What kind does she eat? What size diapers does she wear?" So I told her what size diapers and the formula type and I had a cart full of stuff and then a lady came to me and used the motion to "come here" and so I walked near her, so scared to death, with my baby right beside Walter and I was trying to stop myself from shaking all over. She told me to pick 3 items from this shelf and I was quiet and standing there, spaced out, and took a long time choosing stuff and finally after I did, I was worried she would think what took me long was that I was being "picky" but I wasn't... I was just so ashamed as a mom and felt like breaking down and crying right there, but I didn't. I'm not crying until now, writing this article.

So financially, we have been struggling and just Friday, my mom yelled at me previously when my dad gave us money to borrow for tires and told me *I need to be on time* and yelled at me after I told her that I had to pack a diaper bag and when I walked off in the door she was a ways behind me beside my friend of mine and then, my friend said, "Your mom just said something mean". And I said, "What did she say?" She got silent, "You don't wanna know." My voice gets louder, "No, what did she say to you?" She said, "Michelle don't need another baby, she can barely support the one she has."

 I broke down, feeling worthless as a Mom in this automotive place, crying hysterical infront of other customers and while crying, trying to entertain Gracee.

I'm tired of being told a deadbeat mom and I've been looking for a job before Mom even said this statement and applying places and so far, haven't gotten a response, but do need to be prepared if I do get one.

So... overall, I'm stressed, pregnant again (I'm not getting an abortion and getting "rid" of my child and I know things happen for a reason and God will guide the way and we can reuse clothes, use leftover diapers stored back, etc. There are lots of ways to raising children and saving money. I may not be a perfect mom, but I'm doing the damn best I can! And sometimes people just don't realize that, especially when its my family, it hurts the most.

 Anyway...

 I want to work... I don't care what I do.. I'm getting fed up of the life I live (having to stay home all day) and do need a break from Gracee and I'd like to get more involved in the community because I've been depressed and I think this change will be for a better outcome. I have the highest education in the family and I'm the one being looked down upon by my family? It really p*sse* me off sometimes.

So... everyone knows I want to work... Now, besides family (and I don't have serious friendships locally (most of my friends take advantage), like I said, I need more involvement) ... how can I find a safe and good sitter? any advice on this besides family or friends?