A Procrastination Helper that will... (I'll finish it tomorrow)

    Procrastination is getting a bad rap. In this fast-paced society, where "getting things done" is the mantra and time is the currency, we have devalued the option of taking a wait-and-see attitude.

     Wouldn't the FBI have been better off if they hadn't rushed Richard Jewell to judgment? Wouldn't Martha Stewart have been better off if she hadn't yelled "sell" to her broker?  Wouldn't Evil Knievel have been better off if, just once, he had looked before he leapt?

     Procrastination can be good for you. It prevents you from making a premature fool of yourself, the worst kind of fool there is. Jumping in without thinking is the second leading cause of foolishness in the Untied States, right after showing your kids how you danced when you were their age.

     The problem is people don't know how to procrastinate. Housewives sit around and read every word in the business section of the newspaper, men turn on the sports channel and watch last fall's South African cricket matches, teenagers slip in a rap CD, don headphones, and zone out. That's not procrastinating, that's dawdling. Procrastination is doing something you don't have to do right now, instead of something you do.

     People give lame excuses for not doing what they should do, said they'd do, or promised their probation officer. Gone are the days when "the dog ate my homework" had any currency.

     The trick to world-class procrastination is to have other things hat need to be done, someday, ready at a moment's notice, ready any time you have a job to do but are hesitant to start. At a minimum, you need a procrastination checklist.

Here's what goes through my mind when I have something I don't want to do:

Does my ant farm need cleaning? (If you don't have one, get one. They always need cleaning.)

Am I overdue to color-coordinate my socks? (For females this means matching socks with outfits. For males it means making sure each sock in a roll-up-pair is the same color.)

Are my ears clean? (I remember how important my mother said this was and I don't want to let her down now.)

Is it time to take a CPR course? Or, if you've taken one, is it time for a refresher?

When was the last time you:

Gave the cat a bath—yours or the neighbor's?

Built a really great Leggo model

Sharpened the lawnmower, checked the air conditioner filter, rotated your tires?

Bonded with your kids by watching the Cartoon Channel or taking them to a Bogie festival. (No one can fault you for wanting quality time with your kids. If you don't have kids, borrow someone else's).

Other activities which may be more pressing than what you wish to avoid:

The car needs a tune-up (You can take in Kill Bill 2  while you're waiting)

It's probably time to brush up on your bartending skills, go through clothes for Goodwill donations, or rotate the canned goods in your emergency supplies storage (for World War III or an earthquake, whichever comes first).

And when was the last time you …

- Changed the tidy bowl thing?

- Threw out the old food in the refrigerator?

- Read over your old term papers to see if there are any column ideas you could send me?

- Looked at your high school yearbook to see how many people's names you still remember? (This can should done once a month as an Alzheimer's check)

- Checked with Social Security to see how your contributions were doing (any interaction with a government agency, by definition, always takes a lot of time)

- Started a new can of bacon grease?

     Writers are into avoidance behavior big time. There are chat rooms dedicated to talking just about procrastination: why it happens; how to get past it; how to talk to others about it, until the urge to work has subsided. It's a disease of the writing profession that started with the 10 Commandments. Moses was on Mount Sinai for some considerable time, if you remember, and it wasn't because God didn't know how to spell adultery.

     Writers will do almost anything to avoid putting pencil to paper or fingertip to typekey. Writers will undertake things that cause other people to procrastinate: spring cleaning, taxes, returning calls from their spouse's divorce lawyer.

     Yet, writers are creative, and being afraid of a blank sheet of paper doesn't make them any less so. Here are two excuses I overheard years ago in a writer's chat room:

A wind blew away all my ideas.

and my all-time favorite:

I can't write today because it is too hot where I used to live.

     That's all for now. I have to start on next week's column.

Will you look at that! How did my video tapes get out of alphabetical order?
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(If you're serious about not procrastinating you might want to check out: I Organize You.
I have no connection to this site or it's owner other than, in a hurry to publish, I lifted a most appropriate picture from this web site.)