Why cats don't wear pajamas

My cat's not discovered that one.

But it seems the cat is lonely and wanting of your attentions to him/her/it. He swishes his tail in your face, sticks his sweet anus right up to your face.

It's as if she says, "Come on, I know you want it. I know you love it."

What's up with cats and their heinies, anyway?

You don't want it, don't love it.

The cat insists, swishing away.

Dogs don't do this, but they have their own charms in this area.

I won't go into THAT; I'll leave THAT for dog owners.

Cats have a myriad of ways to delight, confound, frustrate. They know this.

They have their own secret society planned around their antics, in which they plot ways to get us, their beloved servants, to cater to their whims, hunger, need for purring, and need to be let out the back door every five minutes.

They sit on your long hair at 5:30 in the morning and "Meow."

As loudly as possible, as if to say, "Human, get thee up. Get me breakfast. Now. Meow."

You push said cat away, hoping he'll get the message. He, being a cat, is obstinate and returns to sit on your hair.

This time, he'll swish in your face with the 'ass thing' tactic, again.

You do the normal human thing and push him away. 

He returns, this time swishing closer and sticking his ass REAL close to your face.

This time, he KNOWS you hate it and will do anything to get you to feed him.

After all, he's up, you should be, too. It's only natural, for a cat.

He's been sleeping all night on your micro suede comforter, next to the plush towel, in an air-conditioned room. He's been happy, next to your warm body in a cool room.

But that was all night. Now, it's morning and his needs have changed.

Major feeding frenzy time. Time for a new bowl of water and a fresh dollop of dry food, maybe a can of Fancy Feast. OK, maybe just a dollop of dry food.

You won't give in. You're a human and you want your sleep. He's had his 16 hours, you need your 8 hours.

The cat knows this. He gets his 16 hours spread throughout the day.

You like your 8 hours in one fell swoop.

The cat doesn't understand that, however. He thinks you can  sleep with one eye open, anytime, just like him.

But you need your 8 hours. So you ignore him. Or her.

Of all the delightful and idiotically charming antics that make up a cat's 'essence' of what a cat 'is', none is perhaps more 'cat' than the 'swishing of the tail' and the 'placing of his/her sweet ass next to your face'.

Cats know this. They know, too, if they wore pajamas, they'd never be able to do this.

And that's why cats don't wear pajamas.

Good grief.

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A repost for good humor Monday.