Hello -- I'm Austin, philosopher, prophet, writer, economist, and cynic, and the Emperor of the Cynical Empire. I know what you're wondering -- how can I support imperialistic policies and still call myself an American? Actually, it's a lot simpler than you'd think. Do you realize how many properties the United States owns -- not just the fifty states, but those commonwealths, islands, and outposts all over the world? And, of course, the many 'bases' we have in foreign countries that we've 'assisted' in the past. We're an empire at heart, telling other countries how to govern their people, invading nations and removing their (in some cases democratically elected) leaders, and generally telling the rest of the world how to live.
Therefore, I don't believe that it's a logical stretch to assume that a Cynical Empire could be any less democratic. I would like to propose that we follow the traditional method of problem-solving by empire, and declare a war on something -- but in the democratic tradition, I would like to raise a vote on what we should actually be warring on. After all, governments that declare wars the people don't want tend to lose all credibility, and I'd like to remain credible for at least six months.
So, citizens of The Cynical Empire, what do you believe we should be waging war on? What strategies do you propose for its annihilation? And do you know of anyone who can refit an old deathtrap dungeon fortress to meet OSHA guidelines? (Apparently the previous owner was foiled by a band of adventurers after he kidnapped them but forgot to appropriately dispose of them, so I picked it up for fifty thousand critics. For those asking about the exchange rate between Imperial critics and American dollars, rest assured that you can send your money directly to me to be properly exchanged.)
(The Cynical Empire is a flight of fantasy, and is not meant to be taken too seriously. If after reading content of The Cynical Empire you feel strong urges towards political activism, economic stimulus, sexual urges, gambling, or other compulsive behaviors, see your doctor immediately.)
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Comments: 38
beginning lines Dear. Dear one, My beloved,.......one was supousedly thown off gather then two weeks later shes back!
OPEC
Canadians who only speak French
Columbia, Venezuala and all them other coca producing greedy bloodsucking vile entitie from hell.
And the one million strong dust mites under my bed.
Anyway, I'll throw my vote in with Rodney's!
"wage war on those who do not follow the principles under which they were elected." I agree with Donna.
Seriously, the country needs to declare war on itself. We need a better president, economy, a better education system and the list goes on. If we as a people do not fix what is going wrong soon, the country goes to explode itself.
"Don't hate nothin' at all 'cept hatred."-Bob Dylan
As a babyboomer I suggest we give "peace a chance," "make love not war," but if everything else fails, let's get those mother @#$%^&* Al-Queida that are keeping our sons, brothers, fathers, sisters, and mothers so far from home.
Grumps of the world, unite!
Grumps of the world, unite!"
lol I second that.