This is from the same place as this other one, and if you want to know what place that is, you'll just have to click through the links. It was posted on Leap Day, which was either the theme or gently suggested as the theme.
When I was growing up, I always thought it would be cool to be born on a Leap Day. It would be at least one thing that would be special about you, something people would know you by even if you had no chance of ever getting into the Positively Perfect Physique Team or the Brains of the Future Club. Oh, she? She was born on Feb 29, brats. She only gets one birthday every four years. Totally nucular!
So when it was time to produce my replacement, I requested the birth date Feb 29 from the Ministry of Birth Authorizations. They directed me to their Department of Astrologically and Numerologically Auspicious Dates, where a friendly intern told me my request was unusual but permissible under the regulations. But as they were awfully busy recalculating the new astrology charts now that Pluto had been reinstated as a planet in good standing and they hadn't seen their superiors or any paid staff since vacations started in April, he asked me to help by working out my exact age for them. I had to hurry too if I wanted to catch the deadline for next year.
I turned in the papers the next day, hoping to hear from them within a week. Three weeks and nine service Â request later I did, but it was bad news.
Â Dear Prospective Parent, the message said. Your application was reviewed on May 3 and referred for special investigation. Our records indicate that your Days-to-Date Age (DTDA) is more than what your calculations show, and a correction request was placed on May 10. After the completion of the correction process on May 15, your case was transferred to the Available Dates Department, which indicated that unfortunately Feb 29 was no longer available. The only open date for next year is Feb 14. Please indicate if this is acceptable, or if you desire to wait for the next Feb 29.
My heart broke. Feb 14? The darkest, most sinister day on the calendar? Of course it's openâ€”no one wants it! According to tradition, it's the day of the evil imp Cupid, who flies around disguised as a pudgy naked baby and shoots arrows into hapless humans, infecting them with an incurable disease called Amor Romanticus and an inexplicable obsession with the color red. AR, as we know, is the main cause of depression, suicide, homicide, and unauthorized reproduction. Some say there's a prophecy that a diabolical creature called the Beast will be born on this day, and she will bring about the end of our current era of goodness and perfection. But that's just silly superstition.
I got a couple of Margaritas from the cocktail machine so I could think more clearly. There was an attachment with the message that highlighted the error in my DTDA figure: I was ten days older than what I had stated. How could I mess up so badly? I quickly redid the multiplication on my wrist computer and I got the same thing as before. Those idiots at the MBAâ€”
Damn, the Leap Days. I had forgotten to add them. There had been ten of those since I was born.
Well, anyway. Waiting four years was not an option, so after getting a few more Margaritas and watching the latest irreality show in my teleroom ("Does This Chair Make Me Look Short?"), I decided I'd take it. I wanted a special dayâ€”well this one was even more special, and it would work just fine.