A fun way to jump on the triple-points whore train: write a limerick using your name that describes some aspect of your life or personality. I'll start:
There was an old Dame named Ruth
Who yearned for her misspent youth.
She vibrated her toys
And grab-assed bag boys.
But did it with the utmost of couth.
Your turn. Winner receives a full-color map of County Limerick.
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More by Dame Ruth, Chief Executive Elitist D. |
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Comments: 50
Who sometimes could get very pissy
With the children crying
and the customers whining
Missy would throw a big hissy.
Whose stupid name rhymed with vagina
Her mother she blamed
For being so named
Any other name would have been finah
Who bought himself an Austin,
There was room for his ass,
And a gallon of gas,
But his balls hung out and he lostem!
Whose husband just bought a new boat
When she made a small fuss
He swore it was "For US!"
But it never came up for a vote.
(Where does the boat float, Danni? In some Finger Lake, I bet.)
But it's not all that this boat can take!
It can go Trans-Atlantic
Although I'd be frantic
And have quite a different wake
I'm here but have no faith in my ability as a limerickist. I am enjoying everyone else's though.
Who called to the crowd, "See you later!"
But her plans went awry
And she fell from the sky.
The results were more like "Sea, you ate her.".
Now, do one about Lake Skaneateles, Danni girl. I dare you.
Amelia, you stay in character so beautifully, I can't figure out who you are, although I know you're on my friends list somewhere. Your style is so familiar, your identity is right on the tip of my brain. I'd love it if you'd PM me with that information. I promise, I won't tell.
Fame came to the lady named Lola.
though her garden brought praise, not payola.
When asked how she managed,
said "I had an advantage.
I watered it with Coca-Cola!"
But, technically, it's Skaneateles Lake, which would make it easier. I'll see what I can do...
With few edges covered with sand
So no skinny Atlas
Along Skaneatleles
Lost girls to some musclebound man
Who was known to have a strong back
But the ladies all said it was all in his head,
But he was really great in the sack!
when I feed it with stuff you'd call yukky
I think it's terribly neat
for my pet goat to excrete
Shit happens and I'm she who is lucky!
In a world she was never to fit
When she went for broke
They called it a joke
But when joking they never got it.
Always bitching and giving what for
Bring her a design
She won't think it's fine
Give an inch and she'll only want more.
Lola IS grandmother in Tagalog, my native tongue. I love it because it is such a sexy name used in Literature. My grandson christened me "Duckie" when he was first learning to talk and Lola became a secondary name. I am now better known as Duckie.
About the Coke, I can't check... three teenager boys descended on us tonight and took off with everything edible... they are holed up downstairs with the XBox and the wall-sized TV.
The goat shit is actually "reconstituted Milwaukee sewage sludge". Sorry for the poetic license.
had friends who considered him royal,
Proclaimed King of Cool,
some thought him a fool,
but followers all remained loyal.
Who's limericks were known to be slicker,
"What Have you got,
You outrageous snot?"
"Something rhyming with quicker and thicker!"
There once was a dyke called Melisser
Who loved to have women carress her
she humped and she moaned
all the way home
Mom called her a slut and slapped her.
Are there rules for writing limericks? Like a certain number of syllables per line or meter or anything like that?
Limericks are officially described as a form of 'anapestic trimeter'; the 'anapest' is a 'foot' of poetic verse consisting of three syllables, the third longer (or accentuated to a greater degree) than the first two. Lines one, two and five of a limerick should ideally consist of three anapests each, concluding with an identical or similar phoneme to create the rhyme. Lines three and four are shorter, constructed of two anapests each and again rhyming with each other. Thus, the overall rhyme structure of a, a, b, b, a, with the beat pattern
a:da-da-daah da-da-daah da-da-daah
b:da-da-daah da-da-daah
Source: Google (not sure where they got it, though it appears to be correct...maybe we should write a limerick aboutthat).
some people say that she's vapid
so she cut off their heads
stuck them in sheds
went home and had a nice bath.......id
got knocked up at 17, how randy
raise up the baby did she
while daddy paid no fee
'cause he was only worth eye candy
When asked why I'd don such a craft,
"I will wear leather
In all sorts of weather,
But one can't cap a kilt in this draft."
there once was an artist named CC
who like to eat lots of kiwi.
she takes a lot of pills,
to cure all her ills,
excuse me, i have to go pee pee.