by Shelbia C.
Member since:
November 19, 2006

The Gift

June 06, 2008 09:03 PM EDT (Updated: October 07, 2008 09:07 AM EDT)
views: 85 | comments: 29

 This is something completely out of the box for me.  I've been working on it for a while and I kept getting stuck.  I guess I have finished it, but I am not sure if I did what I wanted to do, so all comments and opinions are greatly appreciated


" What are you willing to sacrifice?"
He wasn't sure I heard so he asked me twice,
And I had no idea what I should say,
But he needed an answer and he wanted it today.
For years my life revolved around only me,
So I wasn't sure what the response should be.
So I walked away and I sat on a rock
and with my back to him I tried to take stock.

I'd always been a gypsy of sorts, a wanderer at heart.
Whenever life got too rough I jumped into a brand new start.
I never worried about those that I left behind.
All I cared about was my own peace of mind.
I just took what I needed and walked away.
Not one of my lovers could compel me to stay.
But this time it was different, my feelings were caught,
And the thing that I wanted couldn't be bought.

So what was I willing to sacrifice?
What was I willing to give
Was I really willing to pay the price
For a brand new way to live?
Then I had to confess that I couldn't do anything less
 I didn't need to guess. The answer was emphatically yes
 So I walked back to the man with my heart in my hand
And as I handed it to him I whispered

 EVERYTHING

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Comments: 29

Ashmin C. Jun 6, 2008, 10:11pm EDT
That was moving and great. Its pretty powerful.
A. F. Stewart Jun 7, 2008, 9:28am EDT
Very enjoyable.
Amy H. Jun 7, 2008, 10:02am EDT
Thank you for submitting your content to:
The group: We Comment Back
René Allen Jun 11, 2008, 12:44am EDT
My Lord Shelbia ~ EVERYTHING!? WHEW!

Okay.

This was EXCELLENT!

Really, really good writing Sister.

Blessings ~
Rene
Shirl T. Jun 11, 2008, 12:58am EDT
SOUNDS GREAT TO ME
Carl Prime Time Lee Jun 11, 2008, 1:11am EDT
Thank you for using Gather Broadcast where there is an open line of communication for all and you're more than a connection.

Hey Shelbia, you should leave a link in future emails to make it easy for everyone to get here. Preferabley clickalbe. More poeple will come to view your post.
Wanda H. Jun 11, 2008, 1:44am EDT
A heart-felt poem. Shows your emotion very well.
April H. Jun 11, 2008, 2:12am EDT
Happy Triple points! I am visiting your content. So sorry for the generic post but this way I get to see more peoples content and help you get those points
Emily H. Jun 11, 2008, 2:33am EDT
I really enjoyed reading this. I think it's really good.
Shelbia C. Jun 11, 2008, 3:11am EDT
Thanks everybody. I really appreciate the comments.
Shelbia C. Jun 11, 2008, 3:13am EDT
Carl, I am still feeling my way around the system and wasn't exactly sure how to include the link. I will get it down by next time though.
(The Other) Dale C. Jun 11, 2008, 3:58am EDT
Gosh, I hpe you're only writing this for exercise. Nobody should sacrifice everything.

Um.. did ya ask him the same thing? Sounds like a one sided romance to me. But I stand a few miles away.. so maybe I'm off base.
elizabeth e. Jun 11, 2008, 9:32am EDT
This was quite beautiful.
Patti M. Jun 11, 2008, 11:19am EDT
Shelbia, this was a very moving, very emotional piece. I think you did an excellent job. I think you are DONE.
Rosa See Ya Jun 11, 2008, 12:37pm EDT
Nicely written
Angela A. Jun 11, 2008, 1:13pm EDT
The best poem I have read all day! Wonderful job.
Austin Cushing Jun 11, 2008, 10:56pm EDT
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations, and check out our Triple Trouble Special Feature!
Charles Temm JR Jun 12, 2008, 3:56pm EDT
not a poetry fan but I liked it, you may not have done all you wanted to do with this piece but what you did is well enough.
J R B. Jun 13, 2008, 9:42pm EDT
This was beautiful. Willing to give everything is amazing.
Rodney R. Jun 20, 2008, 2:08am EDT
You really need to keep on writing!
Terry Collett Jun 21, 2008, 5:35am EDT
Writing rhymning couplets is no easy task at the best of times(Pope was darn good at it) but you have maneged to do it and at the same time keep it modern and relavent. I thought it very good. Darn good I'd say.
Shelbia C. Jun 21, 2008, 6:36pm EDT
Thanks everyone
Keisha V. Jun 21, 2008, 11:18pm EDT
Powerful words and sentiment. I have felt this way exactly and to read these emotions was a reminder of the strength of them.
Shirley U Understand Me S. Jun 22, 2008, 4:03am EDT
deep
Barbara B. Jun 25, 2008, 8:17pm EDT
What a way with words you have Shelbia. This was
certainly a great read and from the heart. *smiles*
Nancy L. Oct 7, 2008, 3:39pm EDT
I enjoyed the poem very much.

The only criticism I have is that since it's a rhyming poem, I would omit some of the words and make the lines a little shorter to improve the rhythm.


What are you willing to sacrifice?
Unsure if I'd heard, he asked me twice
I had no idea what I should say
But he needed an answer and wanted it today

For years my life revolved around me
I wasn't sure what my response should be
So I walked away and sat on a rock
With my back to him, I tried to take stock

A gypsy of sorts, a wanderer at heart
When life got too rough, I'd make a new start
Never worried about those I left behind
All that mattered was my own peace of mind
I took what I needed and walked away
None of my lovers compelled me to stay

But this time was different; my feelings were caught
And the thing I most wanted couldn't be bought

What was I willing to sacrifice?
What was I willing to give?
Was I willing to pay the price
For a brand new way to live?

I had to confess, I could do no less
I didn't need to guess, my answer was yes
So I went to the man with my heart in my hand
And whispered

"EVERYTHING"
Marsha S. Jan 24, 2009, 9:48pm EST
Just letting you know your content has reached 25 comments and has therefore been removed from ~3,000 Here We Come!~

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