Discussion: Intercultural and Interracial Marriages

When you love someone, does it matter where you're from or what color your skin? Love is blind to things like that. It's nobody's business really except the two involved.

Last summer one of my daughters was dating a African American from Arkansas- we are white from NY, another daughter has dated both a African American and Hispanic guys. My college daughter had just been dating a Puerto Rican guy. ...and last week my oldest married a Puerto Rican/Ecadorian man. I don't think race has been an issue in my family...My family is the United Nations.

I certainly have no objections.

I've always thought interracial, intercultural and/or international marriages could be very romantic.

Sadly, not all of our American cultures are as tolerant, accepting or optimistically adventurous.

Yeah, interacial and intercultural marriage are still looked down on...by bigots.

((( My boyfriend is from Cuba...love comes in many shades of a rainbow...great question! )))

my daughter is in an interracial relationship (they are engaged) and she has 2 kids. She and the kids stayed with us for a while before we moved. We actually had a neighbor call us repeatedly in the middle of the night and threaten her and her _____ kids (I won't even type the word) and demand they get off of their block! The kids were 4 months and 16 months at the time. Big brave man, threatening babies in the night, huh? It was horrifying experiencing racism first had and fearing for my daughter and kids.

I have a very colorful family and I love it you can learn so much from other people My oldest sons wife is Jewish, my brothers daughters husband is Jamaican, he sons wife Polynesain, I have a great neice who is married to the sweetest Mexician man and they have 4 of the best behaved kids. I grew up with first cousins who where mixed race I am so proud of my colorful beautiful color

It's awesome

As for bigots I think they are for the most part a dieing beed

unfortunately, there are many people here in the US that DO look down on and/or persecute interracial couples .... even among families of the couples .... what a pity ...

my family, in particular, considers itself a hodge-podge or "Heinz 57" of races and ethnicities ....... I have many multi-racial relatives, and it can be interesting at family reunions sometimes .... that is the only time that we tend to get together "en masse" and can see some smattering of physical similarities between us ....

In my immediate family [generationally] I have one sis who is married to a black man, one sis who is married to a Norse man, one sis who was married to a Mexican man and then a Peurto Rican man, one bro who is married to a Scottish woman, and three other bros and one other sis who married other "Heinz 57" mixes like us ........ then there is ME, who married a "Heinz 57" man and the "baby" who just recently graduated from college and hasn't gotten married yet ........

the kids are of all different ethnicities, but they get along fine with their cousins and hopefully have learned to be tolerant of the differences in others ..... I have to agree with donna h. above, who commented "My family is the United Nations" ..... that is the way WE feel, as well .... even if there is some normal inter-family bickering once in a while ..... we ARE the United Nations as well as Americans .... lol .....

I only listed my IMMEDIATE family [bros and sis] .... there just isn't room enough to list everyone ...... but I thought that I should mention my first cousins, at least in passing ....

this is where it gets sad ..... b/c I have many first cousins who suffered discrimination WITHIN the family, as a whole due to the fact that they were of mixed race ..... the older generations had a difficult time accepting interracial couples or their children .... so these branches of the family were basically ignored by the elders even though MY generation and some of my father's generation went against their bigoted teachings and used our own brains and made our own decisions ..... something that is NOT easy to do, at times .....

of course, that got a lot of US into the "doghouse" as well ..... but I have been a much happier person by refusing to knuckle under to bigotry and hatred .... and have had many good familial relationships with all of our interracial relatives ....... something that the few elderly, bigoted relatives that are left have denied themselves ..... as much as I despise their attitudes, I have to feel pity for them .... they did themselves and their younger relatives a disservice and have missed out on a lot ....

In my personal experience I have found that their are less problems with being in an interracial marriage than their is with being in an interracial relationship. My husband and I come from different races and different cultures, and in the beginnning of our relationship we were faced with some issues. When we had our first son, he seemed to make a bit of a bridge, and now that we are married with two children I rarely see any problems. Of course, we live in S. Florida now, where you go into the street only to be met by the world. My son went to a pre k class where there were kids from all over the world of all colors.
I do think where you live make a huge difference. I want to say though that racism is not just a white phenomenon, as what we have seen has spun across all races and religions.

I personally don't have anything against it. I feel if you are lucky enough to find love things like race, religion, gender, age, etc shouldn't matter at all. They don't to the people who are in love so why should anyone tell them differently. Live and let live and let people who are happy stay that way!

Yep, believe or not there are still people out there who can't get past the color of another person's skin. I personally believe it is not our right to judge others, only the Lords.
I dated a boy from Mexico in high school very briefly. Luckily no one looked down on us. I just can't stand when others prejudge before getting to know someone. There's still racism, sexism, and a few other isms out there that I hope one day will be erased..
And, that we all can just learn to just get along.

I think acceptance is much more common now than in the past. I have met many interracial kids from my daughter's school, but the divorce rate seems quite high in the racially mixed marriages. I don't know if it's pressure from their families and society or just incompatibility. I think if two people of any race(s) come from similar cultural backgrounds, their marriage has a better chance. Shared religious beliefs and moral values are important, but even such issues as different ethnic foods and customs can create a strain on a marriage and family.

Jan I think it will always be difficult when you mix different cultures in a marriage, but I think it is more a cultural thing than a racial thing.

I have never understood why people are so violent and intolerant...honestly who the hell cares what color skin you have or if you are gay or straight. Love is better than hate and war anyday.

J. frugal mom...I don;t think it would be hard to mix cultures....both people just have to be tolerant and open to their spouses life before marriage. AND not let family interfere...that is the hardest part.

Unfortunately there are still some who do look askance at mixed-race marriages & even mixed culture marriages. My late wife was from Ukraine and on occasion she was the target of remarks about "Ruskis" or commies. Too bad folks have nothing better to talk about.,

America is the melting pot, so what's the big deal. These marriages aren't causing problems medically, or any other way, so I don't see what it's hurting. Some people may not have gotten the memo that we are all God's children.

I hear there is prejudice but I don't see it myself. My teens in the 70s and 80s were told we didn't care about the race. However, just as in same race marriages, they were required by the Bible to marry a Believer in Christ. It was their choice, but it was still our desire that they do so. Also, again, as in same race marriage ... their culture and character should certainly be compatible each with the other.
I know a lot of people and I don't think any of them are racial any more. We are more prone to judge them on their political leaning, their sense of humor, & whether their willing to help us when we move :):):)

I think society, at least in the US, is mostly open to it. But I think there is a very vocal minority who doesn't approve. I know my wife's family was bothered by my last name (Puerto Rican). My wife's uncle was very skeptical. And apparently if I had wanted to date his daughter, he would not have approved.

My mom's father was the same way when he brought my Puerto Rican father home to meet her German/Irish family. It took him a long time to get used to the idea. He always wanted to know everyone's last name and ethnicity. It was important to him. But he never referred to either my sister or me as Puerto Rican. We were American.

My Mother raised me to see the person not the color of their skin and I grew up in the segragated south...my father was more of an Archie Bunker type person and some of his friends were KKK memebers, to my knowledge he was not a member...

I've dated women of all colors and found them all to be the same inside...of course if my dead father had seen me dating a black woman can imagine his expression...my choice not his...my Mother did see one of my girlfriends all she said was if she makes you happy then I'm happy...

My oldest son married a woman from Liberia while she was here going to nursing school...now they are divorced, don't know why but then if he wants to tell me is up to him...my family, my other children can't speak for others in my family, never had any problem with him being married to Precious, we all loved and still love her...

And yes, living in Georgia there are still those who hate blacks for no reason other than the color of their skin...but that is not limited to just the south...I've heard others speak when they think they are around just "whites" about "them"...I listen to what they say and tell them that they are wrong...

I have friends who are so dark you can't see them when the sun goes down and others who are so light they glow in the dark...color isn't who you are is only what the out side looks like, you are the person inside the body and who that person is means all to me...

I haven't dated in over nine years not because I don't want to but when you can't afford to buy food for more than yourself isn't easy to ask someone out and have to say uh, can you pay for the date, oh and come by to pick me up as well...doesn't go down well for me, so I haven't asked anyone out ...and don't go many places so not asked out either...

Society is a strange beast, it is what we make it...if we treat others with respect and courtesy then maybe one day we will live in a much better world...I'm still waiting for that to happen, in the mean time I do my best...

:O)

I think it's hard enough to find true love without fussing over race.

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I think the couple having different religious, cultural or racial backgrounds does present extra challenges to a relationship. In some cases, that can actually help to make the relationship stronger, as communication, mutual respect and support for each other will be essential for the relationship to flourish.

Thank you for using Gather Broadcast where there is an open line of communication for all and you're more than a connection.

It is funny that you should mention this. I have an Asian Indian friend dating a white person. His family calls it being "white washed" and are not really happy about it.

Some people will never accept anything and everything. My thought is that if it is their life- let them do as they wish. Excellent thoughts here.

I see nothing wrong with it as long as the couple is happy and realistic about the negative attention they may receive.
One day, (I know, I know!) there will only be people who want people. They'll be the luckiest people in the world!
My apologies to Barbra Streisand.

In certain areas of the US, they are somewhat frowned on but it's slowly being accepted. I dated a woman outside of my race and my friends at school not only accepted me but they respected her as well. I also had a cousin (who has since passed away) who married outside of the race and she was accepted immediately by my family.

If the parties in question want to date, have sexual relations and get married, that's their right. No harm, no foul! Great job, Sarah!

My husband is African/white/native American with a family history of slavery. I am German/American (second generation). We've been married for 40 years, have six lovely, well-educated children and many different hues of skin color in our family. At the time we married, there was a great deal of skepticism about what problems we would have, but my mother made the point that solidified our marriage. She emphasized that practicing the same religion would be more important than any race issue and so my husband chose to become Catholic and we were married at a nuptial mass and received the graces implicit in the rite. Since we were both older than many (late twenties), we were much less impressed with any snubbing we may have received. Today we see many interracial couples. Noone appears to pay much attention any more. I personally feel that when we all learn not to identify people by such an artificial concept as "race", the world will be a lot better off. Ethnicity is a more valid description of people as a whole, but even then it is unimportant when people choose to spend their lives together. We have denigrated marriage through the years, so that it is no longer seen as the permanent bond that it should be. Once we return to a view of the sacredness of marriage as the cement of the family, our society will begin to recover from a lot of ills. Now if we could only tackle promiscuity and eradicate that, we may have a far more utopian society as a whole.

I can recommend an older movie: Green Card. My sister had shown that in her Interpersonal communications class as a study on how we get to know each other, what we disclose, and when, and how we build those bonds that make us happy.

Good article. Some day, goddess willing, we will all be a beautiful honey-color beige.
And we will incorporate all the best characteristics of all the races, and evolve even further. Ugly men in white sheets will be a sidebar in history books, and our great grandchildren will laugh about how funky the BS ideas were, back at the turn of the millinium. I'd love to come back and see it happen!

Blessings,
Wilka

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I think there are still problems with race but in some places not as bad as the 50's or 60's. In the world in general I think that it will always be a problem to some extent. I had a kid at a Lutheran church tell me that he like me but since my skin was brown he had to hate me. I was 11. To my knowledge Race is: Black, White, Asian, Indian and I think they (the gov) have added Hawaiian as a race. Ethnicity is: French, Norwegian, Swiss, Mexican (shows white as race on birth certificates), German, Italian, etc. At least that's what I've been taught and I could be wrong.

I think there will always be haters. I also think that some people love their culture so much that they want to keep the culture alive by marrying only within their own culture and I see nothing wrong with that. I do see something wrong with putting others down who don't believe in your ways. If you believe in marrying only within your own culture/race, etc. than so be it but that's not always going to be what's right. A heart has no eyes to see color, religion, or culture.

I don't have an issue with interracial or intercultural relationships as long as the coule love and respect each other.

I think it is sad that some people can't look past this.

I have no problem with it.

My husband and I have been married for 26 years and we have two beautiful girls. We were in the military when we met and married...and it is not as uncommon there being that military is stationed all over the world; they meet and marry people of many different cultures and backgrounds. I personally haven't felt we have had too many issues...other than adjusting to each other's families and upbringings. I am from up north and he is from the south...so we have had issues, though minor....more over the differences there than with our color differences. It has been interesting. I think it has opened up our lives and the lives of our children; being exposed to different cultures, beliefs and people. I have run into people occasionally who by talking to them, I can tell they would not look too keenly on it....but never have encountered anything directly involving the two of us together. If anything, we were out to prove that we could make it regardless of what others thought.

It does seem to be a case of white/black marriages/dating looked down while most others are ok. I noted a lot of hostility when I dated black women and that came from both black men and all races of women. And some depends on where you are too, when I took my wife(she's of Mexican descent) to my home state of Maine, we got a lot of hostile looks.

i am italian and im engaged to a black man...we get looks sometimes but we dont care..

thanks for sharing