Separation Anxiety: What should you do if your baby won't go to anyone but you?

Around 6-9 months, even a very social baby may become stranger-shy. Suddenly, only Mom or Dad or another familiar face can hold the baby. This separation anxiety, while sometimes inconvenient, is a normal developmental milestone. However, do not be worried if your baby skips this stage. Some babies continue to go to any warm pair of arms or may develop this anxiety later on.

Often the separation anxiety influences other areas. For example, is common for babies to wake during the night. With the onset of separation anxiety, babies who had been able to go back to sleep on their own may suddenly require a visit during the night. They wake up and want you! Be careful not to pick the baby up at this stage unless absolutely necessary as babies quickly become used to being rescued from their crib.

Separation anxiety can be a nuisance, especially as the baby gets older. Some parents are embarrassed by this sudden social phobia. Inexperienced care providers (like friends or family) may take it personally, but parents can usually reassure them that this is just a phase the baby is going through. Experienced care providers will often be the ones doing the reassuring—telling parents that it's OK to leave. In general, once the parent is out of sight, the baby usually stops crying fairly quickly, especially if distracted. The best you can do is expect tears and drama when you leave, but know that it will abate with a little time and distraction.

Separation anxiety can last for several months; usually by the age of two, toddlers can tolerate separation better, and many never experience it.  

What have been your experiences with separation anxiety? Do you have any remedies for the crying?

Dr. Victoria McEvoy graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1975 and is currently an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at HMS. She is the Medical Director and Chief of Pediatrics at Mass General West Medical Group. She has practiced pediatrics for almost thirty years. She has been married to Earl for thirty six years and raised four children. She currently enjoys writing, traveling, reading, almost all sports, and spending time with her two grandsons.

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