I have written about racism before here at Gather. I have been wanting to write something else about it, but every time I start to write something it is like my mind just lays down and takes a nap somewhere. Because, to me, trying to write about racism is like trying to write about the stupidest subject imaginable. It is like writing about something that makes absolutely no sense at all. It is illogical...irrational...absurd....and unfathomably stupid.
In case some of you have not read some of my previous articles, I was lucky enough to be raised in an almost racist-free environment when I was growing up. I went to a school that only had about three African-Americans in it (from first grade until I grauduated). In the neighborhood I grew up in, I had no neighbors who were black and I had very little contact with any African-Americans until I was almost an adult.
So, it was very easy for me to form friendships with African-Americans because I possessed no previous prejudice or bias against them in any way. However, after forming some of these friendships, the first thing I noticed was the suspicious attitude in some of my friends who were black. It was like they kept waiting for me to finally do something or say something that would betray me as a racist like they figured all white people were.
The longer we remained friends, the more they kept searching for something in me that would allow them to say at last, "Aha! I knew it! You're prejudiced like all the rest!" I took a very long time, but eventually they finally stopped looking for racism in me and accepted the fact that I accepted them without any racial preconceptions. Some have moved away, but the rest are still my friends to this very day.
The reaction of my African-American friends to my complete and total lack of bigotry against them was actually my first encounter with real racism. Not from my friends themselves, but from every single person who had treated them with racial prejudice before I had ever met any of them. I was very naive back then and I could not understand why they couldn't just accept and believe that I like them and wanted to be friends with them.
Their suspicion towards me taught me a lot about what racism can do and how deeply it can affect decent people. It makes good and honest people feel like they have to keep their guards up all the time. It makes them feel like they have to keep looking for hidden racism in others even when it isn't there at all. They have been treated like second-class crap for so long they can't believe that someone could accept them and really, really not care what color their skin is or what country they come from.
It is still very difficult for me to write about racism. Because, after all these years, I still cannot comprehend why it exists. I can't seem to wrap my mind around why the color of someone's skin matters so much to some people. Like I said, when I try to use intellect and reasoning to get some kind of a grasp on the realities of racism, my mind just sort of starts to shut down. It is like my thoughts run smack-dab into a brick wall and can't go any farther.
Well, there wasn't much point in writing this article. It was just another one of my famous "Thinking Out Loud" articles. I start typing and the words just seem to flow right out of my fingertips. I guess I just wanted to "talk" with all of you for a little while and express a little bit of how I feel and why I feel it (or, more importantly, why I do not). I just think that, of all the millions and millions of things that exist in this world, racism has got to be the stupidest.
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Comments: 33
Agreed!
The world if full of interesting and diverse people, of colors, creeds, religions, languages, shapes, sizes, genders and sexual preference. No subset corners the market on brilliance or idiocy, on sweetness or the asshole factor. There are winners and losers everywhere. That's why I insist on deciding for myself with each damn one, one at a time.
You know, like they were individual people.
That's the town I grew up in... and I'm with you, Berf... I've never understood it either.
Only after my Father retired from the Army and we moved to Dallas did we begin to notice that racism was alive and well in this country. As a hispanic we too were prejudged just because we have dark hair and speak a different language.
Its a sad thing that this little thing that makes us different can be cause for some pain and hardship in this world. I really think that there are more important issues at hand other than what color skin we have.
And YES Berf it is a stupid thing!!
However; we all have prejudices and I dealt with many of mine about people of other races, nationalities and ethnic groups when I was in the military. Are people color blind in the military; no and we had to deal with these issues at times. The best part of it was that you had to; because you have to relate with all of these people from disparate backgrounds or not succeed and perhaps not survive - I was not in a job where it was this serious; but many in the military are and know they better resolve a lot of this before confronting the common enemy.
The problem back in the world is that we either by choice or by circumstances do not necessarily have to deal with this every day. We go to a church usually with most or all people like us and we often gravitate and associate with people like us at work and in school.
Is this prejudice; well yes. We prefer to hang out with people like us. Is it bigoty; no.
It is funny I ran across this; I was going to write something about the recent primaries in Kentucky. On thing that came out is 20% of the white voters found the race of the candidate to be an issue. Not condoning and agreeing with this; how is that different than probably a large % of black voters being for Obama because he is black?
It does work all ways.
As for me, I have always had white friends in schools I attended (or met on the job or wherever). We got along as well as any kids would. It was some of the teachers who would see differences. I had one try to dissuade me from being friends with a classmate because she was dark-skinned. My skin color is "light, bright and damn near white" as some black folk like to say. I had many black kids dislike me because of that. It still goes on today with adults too.
One situation where I was mistreated in school by a classmate was when a white student and I attended The University of Michigan-Dearborn and transferred to the Ann Arbor campus. This same guy and I had always been friendly before but in Ann Arbor he acted as if I didn't exist and we had at least two classes together. It was kind of shocking because I thought we were really friends. Then there was another time when a white woman student and I got really friendly. I began to question her intentions because she seemed as if it was important for her to have a black friend because she began to really going out of her way to be friends. I became very uncomfortable as I felt as though she considered me a pet. We sort've drifted apart after awhile.
The white friends I have now are those whom I can be myself with. I have been friends with some over 14 years. In other words we are friends because we like each other. We are not trying to score points and show we aren't prejudiced. I am not treated as an anomaly because I can speak Standard English when I want to or have to and have completed college. I am not treated in any other type of way where I would feel patronized. I have one white friend whom I don't speak my entire mind with because I don't think he'd be able to handle it. I value his friendship enough not to argue certain points with him. He lets it all out when he is telling me how he feels about things but I am unable to reciprocate. This bothers me a bit as I feel our friendship could stand the different viewpoints but I am not willing to take that chance because he is a genuine friend. However, I must not trust our friendship enough to be all of myself. This makes me feel a bit hypocritical.
Richard P. I feel sexism and racism walk hand in hand.
This doesn't mean that it's hopeless. We have come an awfully long way from the times when we thought that the people living in the neighboring valley had tails and cloven hooves--today many of us understand that there are all kinds of people in every "race" and ethnic group, and we cannot judge anyone by what another member of group we have sorted them into has done. Cultivating friendships across ethnic lines and national borders is extremely important. But it takes a lot of honest thinking and overriding of default reactions to get rid of this evil--just wishing it away won't work, unfortunately.
I have seen racism from blacks and whites. It's emotion.
I grew up in the white suburbs. The first time I remember seeing a woman with dark skin was at the age of 5 on a bus going downtown with my mom. I stared and my mom got mad, but I wasn't staring at her skin color. I was curious because she carried a mop and bucket. I didn't know that people had cleaning ladies, and I was really impressed when I discovered that she knew rich folks. Wow.
In 6th grade, the first black family moved into our neighborhood. My parents never said anything to me about that, but I heard other adults talking. They said it brought the property values down. I never could figure that out. Most of the people in our neighborhood were farmers (the original people in the neighborhood) or blue collar workers (those who moved in). This man was a doctor! Wouldn't that help raise property values? I really didn't understand.
I always considered my dad to be an Archie Bunker type, and I think he was in his younger days. But eventually, he worked side by side with black men whose skills he admired. (He was a sheet metal mechanic.)
And when my folks were retired, they were the only white faces - beside my cousin's - when that cousin married a black woman from the Caribbean. Mae already had two kids, and my parents became their adopted grandparents. Later, David and Mae had the cutest little boy of their own. His features were identical to my cousin's, but his face was a different color.
That incident - the marriage of my cousin to a woman of a different color - brought out racism in my family. My parents ended up being like grandparents to these kids because their own real grandmother would have nothing to do with them. My cousin's siblings stopped talking to him. My other cousins would have nothing to do with them either.
I'm ashamed to say that a part of my own family believes that skin color matters.
I can say that I was discriminated against and I know how it feels. I loved someone whose family didnt want me because I was white. We broke it off. How could I ask him to turn from his family?
So this is something ALL people must fight against. Good article, Berf. Keep thinking out loud.
Pressing "post" and moving on . . .