I have been searching for the right word to find to describe marriage and divorce and everything in between (living together, trial separations, estrangements) and the closest approximation is this: an ongoing process.
This article was inspired by Vicky who asked how people met the man(or woman, I suppose) of their dreams. For the record, I am married and I did write my story. YOu can find it in my articles in a link in one of the comments following this article. Links don't work for me in my articles.
Anyway, about marriage and divorce. Plenty of people seem to see both words as a place, a destination, a state of being....rather than an evolving type of relatiionship. Married people aren't always in love and divorced people aren't always uncommitted, not wholly, to one another.
This got me thinking about how many married people I know who might as well be divorced, not just because I think so - but because one or the other clearly is unhappy, complains about being in the marriage or wants out. But the couple stays together. I expect they have their reasons but they sure seem miserable. Maybe that is the point. Being miserable and fighting with someone is still some sort of relationship, even if it is an unhappy one.
Then I think of so many divorced people I've known who seem to hang onto great pain and bitterness for years. They want justice or resolution or some thing to take away the pain. They haven't really let go of the marriage but they have a piece of paper that say the marriage is "over". But is it? Really?
And what about the people who live together? Are they committed or just testing the waters? I have no idea.
Just some random thoughts today.
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Comments: 26
My heartfelt feelings? Many years ago I reached what my lawyer predicted I would. Indifference. Oh, and I wouldn't take him back if he came with a million dollars. I am happy now. Lonely, but happy.
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we overlook or are not aware of the real cause 'Human Nature/behaviour' and still we get married ( I an talking of India and Indian woman) who are groomed only to depend on the man the bread earner and devotedly or selfishly stick on to the knot all of the life inspite of great differences which is understood accepted because she stays at home ..... only recently woman those are working are getting the backing from their mothers or the good loving/understanding mom-in-law, to lookafter their children while they go to offices .....
many woman who do not bear children and not working face the problem ultimately forced to leace/divorce as the husband quitely has a reltionship (with his female bussiness patner who is living single with her children) and has the pleasure and pride of becoming a father ..... knowing such good news the father in law goes on happily pronouncing /propagating this without being ashamed 'that we have not given any trouble to our daughter-in-law, she can live here as before if she wishes '......... ?!!!
I wish that more people could let bitterness go, but that is a pipe dream. It doesn't really do any good and makes it hard to move on.
Also, we are living together and are just as committed as a married couple. In our case, we waiting for his divorce to be final. Also, it just made more sense, why pay to have two places when we were together all of the time anyway?
hhmmmm MEN, they all suck. oh sorry about that guys. I'm just a bit angry at the moment.
Honestly, I've lived a very turbulent life - so I will just say that this is not a subject I could possibly discuss within the scope of a comment.
Relationships change because people and life circumstances change.
I would not consider ever staying in a partnership that I was not happy in.
I've learned over the years to insist on the things that are good for me, otherwise I am denying my true self and that spells trouble and unhappiness.
Go here to download a copy of how to dry your strawberries
http://extension.usu.edu/files/publications/publication/FN-330.pdf
Go here to make the examiner icon you were asking about
http://www.imagechef.com/
I make my icon and then save it to my computer instead of using the codes.
People are always change, so relationships must change or die. My husband and I have days where we're not so happy and days when it's complete bliss. But what we've been through together has made us more in love.
If domestic violence is involved, the marriage tends to end immediately. Otherwise, I think some people rush into divorce. I bliee it should be harder to get married and easier to get divorced. That would weed out some of the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce.
I also highly recommend a legitimate pre-marital counseling session. My husband was reluctant, but my paster would not marry us otherwise. It ended up being great. We talked about good ways of arguing, worked out our budgets and made our first trip to the grocery store. We both knew when we got married, how much disposable income we had and how our past would affect our relationship. For example, my family was the type where you could yell at each other and then, 10 minute later, everything was fine. His family preferred the silent treatment...and often it went on for months.
This is a very good article.
I couldn't agree more about divorced people who can't get over the pain and bitterness. It is tragic because the ones who hang on to the pain hurt only themselves. I saw too many bitter women in my life to become one of them when my husband left me for another woman. I could have been bitter, but what is the point? I could have stayed angry because he never helped support our son (he's Australian so I couldn't take him to court), but anger wouldn't pay the bills. I could have felt victimized because our son blamed me for everything (I was the only one around to blame), but I knew he would eventually see his father's flaws more clearly -- and he did. In the meantime I got on with my life. Now, I am grateful that he left me. I am so much better off without him. I never realized how much he drained my spirit until he was gone.
I will probably never find a new love at my age, but being alone is far better than being with the wrong person.