I arrived around 9:30 to visit with my Mom. My sister Fran showed up a few minutes later and then my cousins Terry and Gino came strolling in a little while later. Newfield House loves the residents to have visitors and provides a common area for clients and guests to socialize....as a result, we know many of the residents by name. Sunday morning, Mike joined our family affair.
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From left to right: Mom, Mike, Terry, Fran, Gino, and Uncle Charlie
We try to keep the conversation light so all can follow along...so there is much storytelling and along with that laughter and tears (the good kind, mind you). Angelina, one of the nurses pops over and tells us we are a "rowdy bunch" and I have to agree. We ask if we should tone it down and she says, "Oh no...look at the faces of the other residents...they think you are putting on a show! They are enjoying all your antics."
I spy a slot machine from Casino Night the night before and I start pulling the lever. Quarters fly out. Gino comes over with Arthur and Arthur is thrilled that the machine is still spewing out money. He tells me to move over..."Hey, let me give it a crank".
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Meanwhile, Fran has checked out Mom's fingernails and has decided to give Mom a manicure. Although this is one of the services the aides provide at Newfield, Mom has objected to anyone "doing for her what I CAN DO FOR MYSELF! I'm an independent person. I CAN take care of my fingernails!" What she doesn't realize is that Fran has been doing this for the past two years.
Rather then ask, Fran just gets out her scissors and starts cutting. Mom is too involved with the conversation and fails to notice.
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Now it's exercise time and all the residents with their walkers and wheelchairs get in a big circle.
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As I participate, I notice out of the corner of my eye some beautiful flowers by the fireplace and so I wander over and start taking pictures. I didn't realize they were orchids till I saw an article on Gather last night.
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Newfield House is "certainly not home" as Mom so readily says....but "it's the next best thing" as I keep telling her and I truly believe that. I did read her the last article I wrote about her stay at Newfield and I read her most of the comments. She smiled and then she looked me in the eye and said, "But yes, Bob, they don't have to stay here! Wait till they get put in a Home, I bet it's another story!"
It's been two weeks today that Mom became a resident. Hopefully as time passes, like it has with Uncle Charlie, Mom will accept that this is her new home.
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Comments: 37
Your article is Featured in the Triple Name Club.
It is so re-assuring to see for yourself and experience the moment. Themes - what a great idea - guess it's true what they say we do turn into children again:)
Beautiful orchids - glad you saw my photo essay on the Green Thumb Festival - I couldn't resist tooting my own horn - when the opportunity arises...
Thank you for your nice comments on my article too:)
The books suggest that "home" is a powerful word that comes to represent not a place so much as a time when things made sense, felt safe and one felt connected to both people & place. It certainly seemed to be so for Ma.
I am glad, for your mom's sake, that the move came while she was still able to participate in conversations and socialize and express herself so well. Many people wait until it is too late to find placements I think.
By doing so, the individual ends up placed without the abilities needed to make connections - and the staff, I think, sees them differently without having any experience of the individual's real personality and in your mom (and my ma's case) the very real wit & intelligence being sapped by the disease. As your mom further loses her abilities (I am in tears at the thought) ...the people who know her will know and remember her and, I think, be more likely to interact with her with the respect and dignity and sense of humour that is due the wonderful person she is.
I am sad that she has that horrid disease - and that she needs to be in a home at all ...but since those are realities, I am so glad that she brought her girls up to make the right decisions for her. She did good.
And now I am really crying - not only for your Mom, but for my Dad ... I talked to him yesterday and I am SO FRUSTRATED that I don't have a flipping say in the care he receives. The only thing worse than taking care of someone with AD, I think right now, is NOT taking care of them....watching someone else make a hash of it and being powerless is very hard.
Although I have seen orchids as cosages, I had never seen how they grow...and it was your article that led me to a ha-ha moment...why yes, they're orchids!
Before leaving home this morning I checked Newfield's calendar and saw that this week they are having a "Garden theme"...Mom will like that. You are right, the Social Director at Newfield has a similar job as my own...planning themes and creating activities. Strange, huh?
I think you are right...she is beginning to settle in...but being the woman she is she'll still complain about "her freedom"! On one hand, I don't blame her...but at least I know she is safe.
Thanks Angel Eyes for stopping by.
Thank you for your long informative comment. No, I did not know that about how alzheimer patients regard the term "home". That really does make sense, doesn't it. And yes, Mom can still make friends and become involved in activities...somethings I have noticed others at Newfield are unable to do. So maybe we were right...this was the time to do it.
My heart goes out to you...it must be hard standing on the outside and not being able to make decisions for your Dad. Frustrating as hell.
Best
The staff at Newfield are knowledgeable and caring. They are just wonderful with all their residents. Over the last ten years, first with my Aunt Bernie, then with Uncle Charlie and now with Mom, I have been there many times. At times, I think it is my second home. Many of the residents I have known growing up...and so I can visit with them and their families. I feel she is in good hands...and though she complains to all three of her daughters about being there, I have heard from the nurses that she does get involved in activities.
Many times when I would visit Mom in her own home at dusk, she would be sitting in her rockingchair in the kitchen without a light on. When I asked why a light wasn't on...she would look at me in amazement. It was lonely for her in her own house.
We ARE a rowdy bunch. My cousin Terry can tell the greatest stories...his facial expressions are wonderful...and he talks with his hands. Terry and Gino also volunteer in my classroom with the PM group and the kids love the dramatics!
I'll send her over to you for a couple of weeks...I'm sure, after a week, you'd send my feisty Mom home! She's a wild girl.
I know several years ago when I was looking at facilities with my friend Wendy who needed to place her Mom, we saw some pretty sad places. Newfield House doesn't take Medicare...it's all private pay...and yes, it is expensive...but Mom worked all her life and she has the funds to pay. She always wanted to leave her money to her three girls but we thought it was a better use of her money to pay for the best nursing home she could afford.
Thanks for coming by my old poem for John today. Hugs to you...you wonderful person.
Hugs Glitter
Safety is the right word...she is safe around the clock...and she will have interaction with others...and activities that she will enjoy. I'm just hoping she adjusts.
She is right you know and her comment made me laugh. I am glad she is safe and having fun. Changes are hard for everyone.