36 Hour Days

Sunday, May 18th
Entered by Jim

It is Sunday and the we are sitting 3 days from departure.  Everything seems to be in order, though there are a significant amount of "To Do" items on the list.  And what is odd about that list is that it seems to be growing rather than getting smaller.  Many little details have been pushed aside over the months, making room for us to deal with the larger ones, and they still remain to be dealt with.  I woke with an affection for the idea of a 36 hour day.  Boy, would that be nice right about now!

Do I sound depressed, anxious, or otherwise pessimistic?  I hope not, because as I write these words, a smile is slowly growing.  This is exciting.  And I am operating with the combination of two ideas in my head, which are now acting in perfect harmony with one another;  the firm belief that all the uncertainties about this endeavor (the travelling, the planning, the outstanding items to care of) with be OK, and everything will work itself out, coupled with the acceptance that no matter what happens, we are "wheels up" at 10:00, May 21st, and we will deal with everything we have in front of us.

Over the past few days, some people have told me that I seem to have a melancholy about me, and I guess I can understand how my mannerisms could be perceived as such.  But the face I am showing the world is not at all representative of the emotions that are stirring inside of me.  I guess I would say that I have a sort of "intense calm" about me, now.  I, and the rest of the crew I am sure, are absorbing the reality of our departure.  Saying our goodbyes to loved ones, coping with the idea of being away from the people who are most important to us for such a time, refining our skills in our respective disciplines, and generally preparing ourselves (intellectually and emotionally) for the long awaited day of departure.  This is not a sad thing, however, it has put me in a state of calm, reflective content.  My heart jumps into my throat every time I think about how lucky we all are to have lives that will allow us to acquire an experience such as this.  I feel that we are all a result of what happens when one follows their heart and passions, shaking off the ever common "underdog mentality" that riers its ugly head, screaming, "You are not capable of this!  These types of activities are for other people, not you!"  I am sure that all of us at some point have questioned whether we are competent enough to take on a task such as this.  I can say that the subtle undertone of trepidation exists within me.  These types of activities are not meant to exist without it.  It is not the existence of it that is important, rather, what you do with it.  We have all accepted this emotion, and from what I can tell, used it in such a way as to push us closer to success, rather than having it slow us down.

I am humbled by this crew.  I am humbled by this project.  That is where my "intense calm" I spoke of earlier comes from.  Now, if we could just do something about these mere 24-hour days.....