I have received your invitation to enter a drawing for free cremation. Although I find this offer very tempting, I would like answers to some questions before accepting. To wit:
Is there an expiration date* on the cremation? What if I don't meet the deadline? Is assisted suicide an option?
What happens if I die before the drawing? Will you store my remains until the winner is determined?
Is an urn included, or will my ashes just be shovelled into a bag? If there's no urn, will it be a stretchy Hefty bag, or one of those shiny black ones? FYI, I'd prefer the latter, since I've always looked well in black and I'm afraid a Hefty would be as uncomfortable as stretch pants.
Is pickup and delivery part of the award, or will I have to make my own way to the crematorium?
Are airline tickets included? I plan to have my ashes dispersed in various places around the world, so travel expenses for my loved ones would be much appreciated. Would they at least be given funeral discounts?
*I'm unable to locate my own expiration date. Can you tell me where to look?
Thank you for your attention. I look forward to your prompt response: I haven't been feeling too well and would like to settle this matter as soon as possible.
Yours in flames,
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Comments: 36
Does this mean I may be stuck with my cheap imitation Ruth? How could you pass up a free cremation over the expense of having your mummified remains shipped to my house? I understand, but am sorely disappointed.
Of course, you could have your ashes shipped to my house.
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977340525
It must be tough for a crematorium to come up with an advertising campaign.
Too funny.
And buried under a cement udder? I don't think so...but thanks for the offer (I think).
Too bad you're not a man, Stephanie...they always have their brains in their pants.
To say nothing of conferring immortality upon you, Amelia. Anytime you care to share, I'm ready to listen.
great questions too. have they answered them yet?
My father was imminently practical.
I agree with Aniko here, except when people called me "left brain dominant" I didn't know that they meant I had left my brain somewhere.
And then, we all retired to the local bar and toasted her...and toasted her...and toasted her...
That said, I do have some cremains here. They're in a clear plastic bag. There won't be as much of you left as you think there will be. It's definitely not enough for a black garbage bag. Try freezer bag, gallon size. I don't think they come in black.
I felt them too. They're fairly soft and silky but with some crunchy bits that give me the creeps.
my first thought on reading the article was on how disappoint Ina would be; sorry Ina
Yes, David , he was the Roman equivalent of Poseidon, as you well know. The society named for him originally offered burials at sea, but apparently the morticians' lobby insisted on a law prohibiting this practice, so they now offer prepaid cremation, followed by ash-scattering, as noted by Jennifer. I've always thought turning corpses into fish food was a splendid way to recycle necessary nutrients, as well as being both a symbolic and literal return to whence we started, but evidently our lawmakers aren't paid to agree with that viewpoint. I think the Navy still does it, though, despite the legal ramifications.
And Stephanie . . . "My father, I kid you not, is waiting in a cookie jar until a cherry tree is sufficiently established for him to be buried under." . . . perhaps this is his way to tell the World to 'Bite Me'! :)
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
We're going to be cremated, we decided, and my kids are under instructions to take 1/2 cup of me to the grounds of Graceland and scatter me secretly. After the tour they let people just roam the lawns, so that's their chance to throw me into the azaleas.
You never fail to get my laugh and usually cheer me up, DR.