by Andrea "slackermom" R.
Member since:
April 11, 2007

An Enabler in My House

May 07, 2008 03:37 PM EDT
views: 141 | rating: 9.2/10 (45 votes) | comments: 49
With all the talk about enablers and enabling on Gather of late I decided to take a look at my life and home. I was shocked to realize that it's been there all along. I've seen it every day but not noticed its true nature.

http://media-files.gather.com/images/d103/d709/d744/d224/d96/f3/full.jpg

See how it just stands there and allows its abuser take advantage of it?

I told it, "Toilet, you should leave this house. Everyone is always dumping all their crap on you. No one respects you. They just take advantage of you and move on. It's no way to live."

It says, "But, I can't. I'm stuck here. I've got no way to leave and nowhere to go if I did. I can't get free."

I know the truth. I know the toilet could just walk away if it wanted to. It says it's held down, but it could rip free if it really tried. It says it doesn't have any transportation. I know there's a bus stop not even a block away. It says it has nowhere to go. I know there's a Habitat for Humanity ReStore in town. It might find a nice family that only expects it to sit in their front yard with the plastic pink flamingos. But it doesn't want to leave. It secretly enjoys being abused and taken advantage of.
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Comments: 49

Andrea "slackermom" R. May 7, 2008, 3:40pm EDT
If you are not connected to me and this article offends you, sorry.

If you are connected to me and this article offends you, I'm ashamed of you. Didn't you know what you were getting into when you connected?
Teresa W. May 7, 2008, 3:41pm EDT
This is so funny and I agree, that toilet does like the abuse!! LOL
Monica H. May 7, 2008, 3:46pm EDT
Thanks for the laugh Andrea. Is your toilet a boy or a girl toilet? We have a girl toilet. Maybe they would like to meet sometime? We could connect them both to the computer and they could talk about their pain in the butts (excuse the pun).
flit . May 7, 2008, 3:52pm EDT
too funny!
Damn, Andrea! This is phenomenal. I totally needed this today.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 4:09pm EDT
there is a house around the corner that a few months ago it just tossed it's toilet out on the side of the road when it got tired of it and decided to move on to a younger model.

it was so despondant at being so ill used that it just laid there until someone either took pity on it and offered it refuge or it was taken by force to be pressed into service at the pooty plant.
juley g. May 7, 2008, 4:11pm EDT
Hahahaha! That is too funny!
I am too busy laughing to even think of a witty response
Stephanie B. May 7, 2008, 4:23pm EDT
Andrea, stuff like this is why I love you.
Andrea "slackermom" R. May 7, 2008, 4:26pm EDT
Andrea, stuff like this is why I love you.

Someone didn't like it. I guess my job here is done.
Andrea "slackermom" R. May 7, 2008, 4:27pm EDT
Thanks for the laugh Andrea. Is your toilet a boy or a girl toilet?

My Charles! I don't know. I am a bad toilet mommy. I need to go ask it immediately. I suspect it might be gender-confused.
That is too funny Andrea! Loved it~
Andrea "slackermom" R. May 7, 2008, 4:29pm EDT
CC, it is always so sad to see a poor abandoned toilet. It just breaks my heart. How can someone just dump a member of their household? Especially one that has provided years of service without complaint.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 4:33pm EDT
well andrea, don't worry about that someone who was obviously too LAME and Chicken Sh*t to leave a comment and could only fling a DB1. perhaps they have been a toilet abuser in their lifetime and are ashamed to admit it.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 4:35pm EDT
Andrea, your toilets don't complain? shoot, mine constantly run off at the mouth, sometimes refusing to shut up unless i give it a little jiggle, and occasionally try to fling back it's lunch at me.
''The One & Only BERF" .. May 7, 2008, 4:36pm EDT
scared toilet

You gotta watch those enablers, though
They can turn around and bite you right on the..........
Marianne R. May 7, 2008, 4:38pm EDT
Bad toilet! lol!
Andrea "slackermom" R. May 7, 2008, 4:38pm EDT
Berf, that is one animated comment turd that won't be deleted.

Thanks.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 4:40pm EDT
berf, i don't know how you found that animated thing, but it is rather perfect. i guess the toilet finally had enough of being an enabler and decided to get healthy.
Vicky Duggins May 7, 2008, 4:48pm EDT
You ARE the bomb, kiddo!
Sheryl O. May 7, 2008, 4:53pm EDT
If it WAS able to get up and walk away, I'd say it needed one hell of a cleaning. : - )
It's always the toilet's fault. They ask for it just because of how they look.
Peter Joseph Swanson May 7, 2008, 5:04pm EDT
ha ha

Blame the victim !!!
Tina (a slightly smaller Spanky) B. May 7, 2008, 5:32pm EDT
Too too funny.
Dame Ruth, Chief Executive Elitist D. May 7, 2008, 5:36pm EDT
Careful, Andrea. You're embarrassing the poor thing.. look how flushed it is!
Lisa J May 7, 2008, 5:51pm EDT
Oh Andrea...

I really needed a laugh. Just posted a rambling tribute to my mother that possibly didn't even make sense, but kept tearing up too much when I read it. This article was really really REALLY a big help. Thanks!

Just curious here, if your toilet finally overcomes its codependent behaviors, will you be searching for another enabler? Perhaps the whole family needs therapy...
penni d. May 7, 2008, 5:51pm EDT
it doesn't wanna go anywhere, andrea...look ...you keep it clean enough to use as a foot soak..most toilets aren't treated so well....ha,ha..
tina stiles May 7, 2008, 5:58pm EDT
that was completely hysterical!
sharon SugarMomma is a wise woman, May 7, 2008, 6:06pm EDT
OOOHHHH - I do love you.

You are one of the funniest writers on gather - you and the pants.

I am in awe.

But I'll bet you someone who has broken the cycle of toilet abuse will come on here and try to make you feel guilty for taking a shit!

Poopy on them.
Aniko     May 7, 2008, 6:37pm EDT
Well, actually, one of the toilets in our last apartment fought back regularly and threw everything back at us--it had perfect timing too, always picking when we were heading out the door and already running late.

These ones here are just wusses. They're totally codependent.
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 6:39pm EDT
my slut of a toilet has decided to tramp herself out as a Jacuzzi for wayward bugs as i found some critter just doing the backstroke in mine.
My toilet practically begs for the wire brush. I think it's sick, but I'll mete out a good punishment as long as we're all consenting adults...
Duckie 1 May 7, 2008, 7:34pm EDT
My husband is a hard taskmaster... he demands that our toilets wear soft headmands to accomodate his skinny butt so, the long suffering toilets allow a new set of 'em every few months. Enablers of the worst kind!

I really enjoyed this, Andrea! I'm still chuckling here.
Danielle P. May 7, 2008, 7:58pm EDT
This is great!!
Kathleen ♥ L. May 7, 2008, 9:09pm EDT
I so needed a good laugh today and so far between you, CC and The Pants™ I have been laughing and giggling all evening since I got home from work...
Penny G. May 7, 2008, 9:19pm EDT
Considering your reports of Shannon's lunches, I'd say your toilet is at the very least a bit masochictic. Maybe it has low self-esteem.
Shannon (Stranger in your midst) L. May 7, 2008, 9:39pm EDT
Nice story! Here's my contribution to solidarity under fire by trolls with no lives but to live vicariously through others:
CC Miranda the artrat (or am i?) May 7, 2008, 9:51pm EDT
penny, good, that was the whole point of the Laundry articles. to make people laugh. i'm glad it did.
Wade A. May 8, 2008, 2:26am EDT
Whoo! An S&M toilet. I bet it secretly wants to be a flower pot.
Stephanie B. May 8, 2008, 10:11am EDT
You know, it's one thing to flush crap down the toilet, but it's a whole new level of cruel to try to flush down a kid.
Jo C. May 10, 2008, 11:28am EDT
Lol!
Larry P. May 11, 2008, 11:43pm EDT
I've known a few enablers in my time and they don't go that easy . But they're always ready give freely of the crap .
Patty H. May 14, 2008, 4:16am EDT
Andrea this is to funny! Thanks for a good laugh just before I head to bed. Now im going to be laying there half of the night giggling trying not to wake the hubby thinking about this. lol
Susan N. May 19, 2008, 10:36pm EDT
One of the last pictures taken of my dad is on the old toilet under the apple tree in the back yard on a Saturday - he was killed in a wreck on Wednesday! We laugh to this day that he made us laugh so much after we got the film developed!
Toilets do have a sense of humor - they overflow when you least expect it!

Thanks for the laughs you give us all too!

NO we will not be posting that photo online either! (don't think I have custody of it)
Ellynn (minor shoe minion) A. May 20, 2008, 5:49pm EDT
That's hilarious, Andrea.
Leah Christensen May 28, 2008, 2:53pm EDT
My toilet disrespected me in the wrot possible way once, and for that it shall be sentenced to put up with my crap for the rest of it's miserable little LIFE!!!!

You can read about it's unspeakable (but not unwritable) sin HERE!!

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976824940&nav=MyGather

This article made me laugh coffee out of my nose. Why, oh why, did I read it while sitting at the cafe?
Lainie - Just Lainie Jun 2, 2008, 1:25pm EDT
Oh how I've missed you, Andrea!

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