So a friend of mine and I have been toying around with the idea of doing the online dating thing; doing SOMETHING to sort of dip our toes into the water, if not jumping right in feet first. She has a lot of really good reasons for thinking this a good idea, and I have to say I agree with her completely. I really, really DO believe in it, in theory. So I thought about it all afternoon yesterday, even went so far as to fill out part of a profile on Orkut, and then went home from work and thought about it all night last night.
The conclusion that I have come to is this: I am not ready. And to go one step further, I don't see myself ever being ready. I hate the whole dating thing. I suck at it. I hate the idea of trying to sell myself enough so that someone wants to go out with me, and I hate even more the thought of sitting across the table at dinner with someone, trying to figure out what to talk about. I hate the whole idea of starting over with someone new, I hate the idea of first dates and first kisses and all of that crap. Before I met Steve, I did date on rare occasions, and I hated every single minute of it. I don't want to go there again.
I am still in love with Steve, too; whether he is good for me or not, whether I could BE with him even if he wanted to be with me (which he doesn't), all of that is irrelevant when it comes to my feelings for him. I love him more than I did both my husbands combined, and then some. I know that it isn't a possibility that things are ever going to work out between us, but even knowing that, I can't make myself hate him. I just can't. I also know that getting into another relationship on the rebound is not going to help things any; instead, all it will do is cause a whole bunch of other problems, and I just can't do that to myself or my kids.
So it has been a difficult time lately, because I am coming to the conclusion that I just need to accept that I am not going to find someone. I don't think I believe in love anymore, at least not for me. Maybe it exists, I just-I don't know. And it is sad and hard to contemplate being a loser single woman for the next 50 years, but at the same time, well, better to accept it now, right? It isn't that I have a terrible life, not at all. I just think Iam going to have to change my perceptions of things.
So. No dating for me, and it seems like the best (and only) decision I can make for myself and my kids at this time.
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Comments: 13
That said, I think when it is meant to happen, it will... whether you are looking for it or not. Don't beat yourself up in the meantime; enjoy the company of yourself, and your children and your friends... and know that even if you are alone, the company is good.
I met my husband through an online dating service, by the way... it didn't work out. It wasn't till three years later that we just met for lunch one day on a whim, and ended up inseparable. It happened, I think, because neither of us expected it.
It is most important that you are happy with yourself and who you are. I know you want "more" but you aren't giving yourself credit for being the extraordinary woman you are. You ARE more.
There's nothing wrong with dating either. You have to do what you think is best.
But why not keep an open mind for the future, instead of prematurely condemning yourself to celibacy for 50 years? ;-))
I don't think I would want to try the online thing either. Until you are ready to move on and that seems like something you want, I would pass also. Maybe at some point you will want to, if not so be it.
Also, you might get lucky and have a great guy move into your world and you meet him some other way, you never know.
Some people need someone to share life with, some people need to have a wide range of experiences in life before they decide to settle down, some people need different things all together.
All that aside Online Dating is a good idea if you do it properly you can easily find what your looking for, serious or casual, and probably make some cool friends on the way!