I wrote this as an aid for little ones that have been molested to feel free to admit the truth. (I had a child in mind at the time.) I tried to speak to some of their doubts about themselves and why they didn't tell for so long ... the act of not telling makes them feel complicit.. and of course what makes things worse is that there is often some physical pleasure because that's the way our bodies are built. This adds to their guilt.
I gave it a title that would give hope and a promise of good ahead.
I fee
l sorry for the little girls and boys ... but also for some of their Daddies that are caught up in the darkness. Some men are just plain scoundrels; but some hate themselves and are caught up in this world of porn. Adding to the problem is the fact that Dads can't even go to their preacher as he is required by law (as are doctors) to report confessions to the police. Promising himself he'll never do it again doesn't usually work.
Laws are different in each state. (In case anyone reading this needs help) at least in Kansas, if the Pastor has reported the incident to police; sent the Dad to sexual counseling; and he moves out of the house until the counselor says he can move back in, the police do not involve themselves. I'm not sure if it depends on the actual acts committed. You would have to ask the pastor or counselor. You won't know what to tell friends; you may lose your marriage; but anything is better than continuing the way things are. Just throw yourself on the mercy of God who loves you and will walk through this with you, and pick up the phone.
I'm not at odds with the laws. We need strict laws. I'm just noting that the very laws put into place to protect children also have a back wash that works against their deliverance.
The child finally telling the truth is the only answer.
Hip Hip Hooray
What's wrong with me?
Why do I listen to everything you say?
I'm all tied up in secrets
And don't know how to get away!
So why am I glad to see you?
Why do I need your praise?
Why do I keep your secret
Though you're gone throughout the days?
Why am I proud you chose me
Though I hate your secret touch?
I just wanted you to love me,
Give the hugs I want so much.
Now my mind is all confused.
You mixed the good with bad.
YOUR guilt makes ME feel guilty
And that feeling makes me sad!
But now I've told your secret!
I've said the words out loud!
And who would guess that telling
Would make me feel so proud !?!!
Glome 2004
I probably need to explain why compassion is shown in my article to 'some' of the guilty. I'm sure this upsets some people. All I'll say about the particulars is that someone hurt most of my children. I found out shortly before my divorce. I won't go into the details. I know the numbness, anger and hate that it stirs. It was a long journey. But I told God I couldn't handle the bitterness and He began to give us answers. It's why I'm so in love with Truth today. :) I cannot tell you of the wonderful things we learned while in tears because it would take too long. (Unless enough of you want to talk about it and a discussion ensues)
(Nutshell) God says my way of escape is to love my enemy. Love isn't sweetness and joy. It is doing what is best for the well being of that person. It is recognizing there is more to them then the thing they did wrong. However, love may put a person in prison for life. One thing love isn't; it isn't hating.
The Bible says "Do good for them that despitefully use you." I wasn't strong enough at that time to do that but I did volunteer service to other men that had done the same thing. I learned about the power of addiction from them. I learned many hate themselves. I learned they don't know where to go for help and they are scared. I learned to love some.
I only went to court with one man. He was young. He didn't start out with an intention to do what he did. I was his only friend, other than his wife, at that time. When asked by the judge if we had anything to say in his defense ... I remained silent. I looked across at the family that was devastated. They were openly Christian. I knew they had to follow the same path I'd taken. They would have to forgive to find true joy. I knew that they needed to see justice done; that would enable them to more easily forgive. Also, I wanted to protect other children. I don't know Jim's heart. Would this be the only time or would there be many more? No one knows. Let justice take its own path.That's love. But I did let him know that I recognized the good that was in him. Helped him find love and forgiveness from the Lord; find a way of facing his future. That's also love.
This is getting too long so I'll stop. :) But please feel free to radically disagree with me. A discussion may help people that are unable to bring the subject up themselves.
Or please feel free to send me a private email.
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Comments: 68
Amazing story, Glome. Instead of rejecting the child abusers as completely evil, you reached out to them as humans.
(What a sad version of your avatar, though!)
Thank you for posting your article to Point Haven. Your article has been FEATURED!
The group: We Comment Back
is indeed be well versed to priortize what you feel and move for it !!
Thank you Glome for the thought movement !!!
And you are generous, probably more than I.
I'll bet you handled your own problems with grace ... at least by the time they were over with :)
Thank you for sharing your content with Post it Feel free to post more at anytime! Dropping by to give your content a 10!
This is a powerful and very needed message.
Blessings ~
Rene
Thanks for coming by and for commenting.
Thanks for all you've done concerning getting the poem on ... and keeping it up front.
It's hard for most kids to admit it or seek help. It's great that you want to help and reach out to them. I'm afraid if it were my own children something happened too I wouldn't be very "kind" to him/her. In fact they would wish the cops get to them before I do!
Blessings to you.
We don't need to discuss it if you don't want. your experience in telling the first time may help someone else share.
Thanks for participating. I know it isn't easy to relive any of it.
Our society is pretty puritanical, of course, and sexual predators are forgiven if they abuse their own children (as in grow your own), but not the neighbor's. The whole subject is horribly sad for all. Every young woman in this country can tell you many stories about abuse of all kinds, from talk to everything else, but we are not alone. It is a worldwide problem.
Your ability to forgive with what happened to your own children is certainly God-given. I don't know if I could be that spiritually kind. Amazing post and a subject that needs to be exposed, discussed and solutions found for all parties.
My husband and I worked for companies that placed children who had been abused (physically, emotionally, and sexually). We ran a house for them where we had 4 teen girls of whom at least 3 at been sexually abused as young children, and then two of the 3 abused their younger siblings, neighborhood children, etc. The other one is now into posting nude pictures of herself to the internet and to sending the pictures to men that she doesn't know. She recently moved in with someone she sent her pictures to. Sometime I feel like we worked so hard with the kids, trying to show them God's love and it just didn't work, but then I have to realize that each person is a individual and they have to work through their hurt in their own way. Eventually they may all come to the Lord, or they may not. It doesn't keep us from keeping in touch with them, and praying for them. If we reached just one, that will be great! It is such a hurtful and debilitating thing to have happen to such a young child - and it really does mess things up so much - that they don't know if their feelings are good, bad, or indifferent.
Again, thanks so much for this. You will raise awareness, and that is so needed!
That is great about washingtons program. Another problem to this is the fact that people are blazing as soon as they hear & feel that mercy makes you guilty of thinking it isn't too bad. But you pointed out a MAJOR reason for looking for answers short of prison. What was don cannot be taken back ... but POSSIBLY the broken pieces can be put back together with the family being better off. A child that has already gone through much may be crestfallen if she loses he Dad as well as the financial problems. Some of the men are worth working with.
We have allowed a world where pornagraph is abundantly available beginning at a damaging age. Then we expect those kids to grow up and have a well balanced sex life. We have forsaken decent standards are as a society, we are paying a price.
Thanks so much for sharing that info.
You must be overwhelmed. I would think you would feel defeated even know God is in control. Being so close to it.
We know why it has come to this. But don't know what the answer is to change things. Of course all turning to the Lord and receiving new life from Hin and walking with Him would turn things around but ... I don't see it happening. I posted a poem today or yesterday named 'Doubt.' Speaking to this very issue. (partly)
I don't mean to depress people. We need to each focus on anything God brings in our direction and do what we can. He has a plan.
Thanks for befriending me Cyndi.
I believe "the truth sets you free." I can't speak for others, but, I believe,
we can only really find ourselves in truth and forgiveness.
God bless you Glome, and your family.
The rest of the story was a good lesson in how you can get smacked upside the head for doing the right thing.
I don't know how I would have handled it differently. I'm not the kind of person to go crazy and try to get even. I dealt with the situation honestly, it took a while, and in the end my family was vindicated. It was a mess.
You're an amazing person.
There is a very fun and exciting truth about forgiving your enemy that can make a person actually laugh. This is the first time I've mentioned it but I am going to give a fun and life changing lesson shortly. I hope you will be there. Not that you need it ... but because you have come through your situation well. At least you sound like you did. I'll befriend you and let you know when we do it. I think it will be in renes' http://artistictherapy.gather.com/
I haven't met you before. I'll pop over to your site.
I'm getting ready to do a series on how to get rid of bitterness and hatred. It is possible no matter what the situation is. The answer is in the Bible but I've never heard anyone expound on the actual answer of 'how.' And it can be so much fun.
I just put my Mom in the nursing home 1 block from me. I've been so splattered I couldn't think straight for a while ... she was very ornery ... day and night. So I've finally decided to post it. I notice people don't care much for series but God can do what He wants with it. If just one person is helped, that is up to Him.
Thanks for your encouragment. You are the only one that actually acknowledged that confusing experience of good and evil mixed. But that was true with myself & my uncle when I was young also.
If anyone has the right to feel anger, it's you. That you can use this experience to help others who have committed the same act against others can only be the miracle of God working through you. May you continue to be blessed and bless us with your words and actions.
to share it.
If you read 2 !/2 ... I think ... The Way of Escape :) You know that God taught us that if I wanted mercy from Him, I must desire it for every one.
However, I think I faied to make something clear. See my note to Cheryl below.
Thank you so much for commenting ... and I can see that you know Him and desire truth.
The comment you made on Lesson 4 ... I think you made a valid point. I did not cover the place of confrontation and justice in the articles. Unless they come back here to this article, they will fail to get the whole story.
CF Stewart just left a comment on Love Your Enemy #1
Between his comment and your comment on 4, I realize I need to be sure these things on brought out earlier and stronger in the lesson. Thank you for that.
Elizabeth and Cheryl, please go to the last two comments; one by CF & the other by me.
I think you will agree that should have been in the lesson itself.
But I have found that forgiving frees, not so much the perpetrator as the victim. And it opens the door for a possibility of deliverance, as well.
Still, I know that only God can deliver any sinner from his or her sin.
2 Cor 1:4"... who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
I know God's love for others here in Gather was part of the purpose of allowing us to suffer so He could pour blessing out on us; which we, in time, were to pour on others. :) Cool!
There is a light that shines so brite that it will drive away all darkness, but we must chose to partake of it. Only God can forgive sin, but we must be able to forgive man. When we get to this place in our life we will find that God gives us a way to leave our past to be what it is, OUR PAST. A healing takes place and a new life begins.
After forgiveness we do have a responsability to humanity. Becouse we are able to forgive does not mean someone else has changed thire ways. We go thru things in our life to learn, if you have been hurt you should try to help protect others. Just becouse you forgive a pig for being a pig does not mean you have to go lay in the mud with it.
God gives us the rite to make laws to protect us from those who dont abide by them, and tells us to abide by them. When law is broken there should be consiqunce. Just becouse we feel better now that we are able to forgive dose not help a child who is being molested understand what is going on. We go out of our way to wear our seat belt and understand that if we dont the consiqunce may be being thrown thru the windshield, we wear saftey glasses while runing power tools becouse our eyes are to precious to chance.
How important are our children?
Maybe I miscommunicated.
Sameuel ... "Just becouse you forgive a pig for being a pig does not mean you have to go lay in the mud with it.
Me ... No Samuel, I don't. That's why I did not ask for mercy for him and wanted him to go to prison. But God still loved him. He needed to know God still had a plan for his life.
Samuel ... " Just becouse we feel better now that we are able to forgive dose not help a child who is being molested understand what is going on."
Me ... Again, I'm not saying people shouldn't be punished Samuel. And I do have empathy for the children. That's why I wrote this poem. I even sent it to a couple of counselors in the field but had no feed back.
It's just a very emotional subject and people tend to have different perspectives.
We just each need to trust God to guide us, as individuals, through these things. He is faithful to make His will known. He knows our strenghs and weaknesses and, I'm sure, leads each of us through these things a little differently.
I appreciate your taking the time to come and comment.
Like I said, that poem was actually written because I wanted to approach a little girl. She was so funny. "ME? ME? You though someone did that to ME? Oh YUK! No one better EVER try to touch me!" I laughed for more than one reason :)
I wrote a little lesson on Gather about a daughter that got caught in a spiders web for a period of time. Well, there had been some people in her house that I was worried about. For her 7 yr old daughter. It was that daughter I was questioning.
It still helps to have us old victims watching.
HUGS ~
Rene
Of course one thing helped us a lot. Myself and 8 kids were kind of isolated because I didn't share with people. But we all talked to each other non stop for months and months :):) That was a big help. And of course, it never ended. It's part of our life. It's just spent all it's energy. Working at forgiving helped. The scarring God uses for good.