Previously, I wrote this message to Renee, but I still haven't got a response and thought maybe a lot more feedback would be beneficial. Please read my message, in order to understand my questions thoroughly.
Some of the questions are highlighted in black....
Hello Renee,
I hope you won't get upset at me for writing you tonight, but I'd like to discuss a few things with you about Gracee, Walt and I.
Gracee is now almost 4 month old and is going through a stage, where she screams non-stop and nothing seems to soothe her. I've tried rocking her, singing to her, feed her on time at 3 hour feedings, changing her diaper more often, and nothing seems to be working for the screaming. Someone at Walter's work stated that she is bored and needs to be entertained more often, though Walter and I are finding ourselves up all night, holding her non-stop and then sometimes, she'll stop crying and then once we lay her down, she will scream, throw a fit and roll on her stomach. She has now discovered to roll on her stomach and I'm very scared to even put her in her own bed and its been draining lately to both of us.
I think my man Walt knows how draining its been for me. He watched her a few times in the living room, while I'm in the bedroom. The past couple days, I've broke down and cried. She is a mommy's girl. It doesn't bother me that she is, but she constantly wants ME and when going to someone else, she cries. (Why is this? Is this an attachment disorder) Or do babies have a disorder as such?
I just want to soothe her, but its so hard and frustrating that I don't know what to do. She did have colic and changing of formulas help that for a long while, so I do not think its colic.
She has been spitting up a little bit and acting "weird", but has "no temperature". We just thought it may be baby spit up or she may not be feeling well. She constantly has gas on her stomach (like her mommy) and has displayed some constipation issues, though the doctor keeps brushing me off and telling me just about everything I state is normal, without listening.
Without you taking this the WRONG way... is there anywhere where you can take your child for an overnight emergency drop off? In meaning, when you are about to break down and cry and need a break, and need time away from your child? Is there such thing as that? And if so, are the staff background checked because I just don't trust anyone with her, but I literally need a break? Is that wrong? Am I the only mother that needs a break from her child? Parenting is very hard. I never stated I didn't want to be a parent. I never stated I don't love my child. I do, but I just need some time away. Since she has been born, I haven't had a night away.
Please don't take my email the wrong way, as in terms, I just want to "drop off my child" because I don't care, but instead, I just need a day away from her to get things done around the house.
Thanks for reading my email.
Michelle
Ps. I cry every night, thinking, "If I ask for help, will someone understand and not think I don't love my child, but need a break? Will they take me the wrong way, when simply, I'm just scared to reach out and ask for a night alone from her."....
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Comments: 17
as far as her fussiness, it very well could be gas. have you tried the baby gas drops? my nephew and a friends baby had the same problems and they used the gas drops and it helped quite a bit. she could also be teething, 2 of my kids had a few teeth by 4 months.
But as far as I know, there is no where to just drop off your child - except daycare, or a family/friends home.
We also invested in a bouncy seat, the kind with vibrations. That was a GOD SEND. For some reason, when we put him in that it would soothe him. He actually slept in that thing at night for the first 3 months of his life. If we laid him in the crib he would scream. If you buy one of those.......might even find one for cheap at a yard sale.....that may help you alot.
The more upset you get, the more upset she gets. She understands that you're upset. Find a family member, a friend. I'm open for overnights with my best friend...
Go ahead and ask. Someone will help. Ask your pediatrician to be sure nothing might be wrong.
Sending up a little prayer...
Find someone to help with the baby. Have them come to your home if nothing else. That way you can keep an eye on them but still not have so much pressure on yourself.
Most babys that age want only mommy. Have them wear a blouse or something of yours with your scent on it, that will help. Even your husband can drape a shirt you've worn over his shoulder.
Even as a non-parent, I can understand the need for some alone time! It is hard to be a mom - even I know that.
If you feel that your doctor is brushing you off, try a new one. Remember, he is there to work FOR YOU, not the other way around. If you forget that, remind yourself what you (or your insurance company) is paying him. Throw a small fit in his office - you'll be amazed at what it gets you.
Are there teenagers in your neighborhood? Lots of teens love babies and would be happy to spend an hour in your house with yours. If you're not totally comfortable with the teen, you can even stay at home, just let someone else be in charge of the baby for a while.
Also - call up your local library or church or whatever and ask if they know of any new mother's groups. It will help to talk to others in your boat.
Sometimes . . . we project our own feelings onto the baby. We can train them to want only one person (usually mom), we can train them to cry unless being held, etc., It's subconscious or unintentional, but it happens:)
I wouldn't worry so much with the attachment...just leave her with daddy more often and let her get used to being away from you...Some would say she needs to be put in daycare part time...I don't buy into that unless you're working and really need her to be away a few hours...
Otherwise the ears are always a possibility though she'd probably be clawing at them like mad...Its also about time for teething - are her gums looking puffy or red?
I think she's just used to being held in your arms...Do you have a snugglie or those new wrap things they have now? That will allow you to get things done....I carried mine around on top of the laundry in the basket when she was like that...Baby swing with me in plain sight was life saver...bouncy seat, highchair, whatever as long as she could see me...I spoiled mine to being held real bad once I finally got her home I didn't want to let her go..
I hope you figure out what works...a trip to the peds would ease your mind about ears or colic what have you...Go with your heart...If you want to hold her, hold her...If you think she needs to cry, let her cry a little...Just go with your heart, nobody knows her like you do..
For the six month old--I got him Mylecon gas drops, which helped with his spitting up/ reflux and his gas. I am now using teething tablet (homeopathic) and who knows if they help! LOL! He was never soothed by the swing really; he did sleep better a bit elevated in the Fisher Price Newborn to Toddler rocker that has a vibration feature in it. This way, he wasn't flat on his back--I was always worried that he would suffocate on his reflux during the night. At six months, now, he is better but has that attachment to me that you described with your little girl. I have him spend as much time as he can with my husband & I have my hubby lay him down to bed, soothe him, etc. It takes time, but I am noticing an improvement. Your daughter is so little yet, it's not unnatural for her to seek comfort in you.
What I didn't know was that I was going thru post-partum depression. At this moment in time, I was very naive and didn't even know that such a thing even existed.
Most mothers and some doctors believe that babies can pick up on your feelings, me included. Having said that, I really do feel your baby is picking up on some very strong emotions from you. I agree with these other moms!!!! Get someone you trust to watch your baby for a few hours or better yet, for the day. It will give you time to unwind, maybe do something you haven't had time to do, or just pamper yourself.
I do suggest trying to see your doctor if you feel you may be having post-partum depression, especially if you're a first-time mom. As for your baby, if you don't feel this pediatrician is listening, get another pediatrician. Finding out if your baby is suffering from something physical is better than not knowing at all!!! It will give you peace of mind. Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going with you and your baby.