THE BEGINNING ... I wonder what it was like?

I wish I remembered the beginning of my life, did I even have a memory way back then?

I want to know right from the start of conception umm perhaps from when the race of the

egg and sperm was on, and not before.

Did the sperm and the egg colide in utter confusion or were they

deliberately aimed targets. Kapow .. that's me!

Did the egg radiate a warm after glow so it could be seen,

and was the sperm instantly smitten, or was there no choice.

Did they get to know each other first or did they coyly dance around each other

and lovingly became one?

Was Mum pleased when she knew I was coming,

Or embarasssed, disillusioned and sad I was on the way?

Did I enjoy growing in Mum's womb.  Did the liquid, I grew in,

feel like satin on my skin, did I blow bubbles?

The sensation of floating weightlessly, turning around and upside down

what was that like, did it make me feel sick? 

Is that when my fear of not wanting to be in dark, confined

spaces begin? 

Was the beating of Mum's heart frightening or comforting to me?

When my Mum cried did I feel sad for her and are her emotions

now hidden deep down in my sub-conscience?

Was I blessed my senses of sight and smell

were dulled, as I emerged into this world. 

Is that when feelings of helplessness set in?

I couldn't stop the doctor from smacking my bum.

Did I let out a rip roaring scream or

just a shocked whimper.

Was that when I became assertive, get me outta here .. now!

And, 'I ain't going back!'

Was Mum happy I was a girl not a boy or didn't it matter,

as long as I was healthy and strong, or were her

thoughts elsewhere ... our survival ... our future?

The lights were they hard on my eyes,

who did I see first, did the blood and mucous feel yukky

on my skin.  Did I want to go back to where I came from?

Did I enjoy the strange unknown world I'd just entered,

was I scared?

When my sense of hearing kicked in, instinctively did I

even try to cover those things, I now know as ears, that let the sounds in. 

When did Mum's gentle hands hold and cuddle me? When did her

lips touch my head or was it the drop of her tears first?

Did I give my Mum much pain, and did it disappear instantly, as they say?

Was she alone, was the doctor and the nurses kind to her?

When did Mum fall in love with me?

What did Mum feel when she breast fed me, did she breast feed me?

Did she melt when our eyes met?

And, I wonder, did I see God when He gave my Mum to me?

One day, I hope I can thank Him, for my first precious gift, my Mum.