My friend has a son the same age as mine.
My son is into skateboarding, sports, and swimming. He plays video games but not daily. Let's say he plays maybe 1 hour a week .I have three children. If my children want something expensive they do not always get it. If clothing must be name brand or over 20.00 for pants for example, they must earn this himself.
My friends son plays video games 24/7. He is an only child and very spoiled.
If he wants anything the mother or grandmother will buy it, no questions asked, regardless of price.
(Ipod,laptop,video game systems,games,televisions,you name it)
ALL none of my business, and I only mention this to paint a picture of these two children.
My son is not perfect, he is the average 13 year old boy.
I will call the child Tom.
Tom invites himself to spend the night, or has several times in the past. If I said no, he would try to ask my husband. Twice, my husband did not know I had already said no, and he said yes. I was busy and had went to the store. I later learned
my children did not even him the child to sleep over, nor did they wish to have him as a guest.
Not knowing this, my husband said yes. I found out an hour later, and let him spend the night because he was already here. Now we (my husband & I) are aware of this child's tactic's. It will not happen again.
Weeks later my son tells me he does not really like this boy. He explains that he throws tantrums, calls him names and tries to force him to be his friend. He has also told other neighborhood boys he does not like my son, and called him names to these other children. (supposedly)
He adds details about the spend the night issue, I understand but care for the child's feelings.
I do not want my children to be rude to other children. I tell my son I cannot force him to be someone's friend if he does not like them .I explain he can say hello, be polite and keep his distance. He said when he is outside the child follows him, making it hard to be nice. He asks how he should deal with this situation.
I tell him he needs to learn how to deal with these things in life. That this will not be the first time he needs to figure something out. I let him know it is not acceptable for him to be rude. I suggest that he be brief, tell the child that he is going to do "" (whatever it is he is doing) and then he is allowed to walk away. He can come into the house, go to the park, anything except saying something mean or rude.
My dilemma. The child continued to follow my son around, after several days of him trying these polite tactics. The child complained to his mother that my son did not want to play video games with him. The mother stood watching her son try to talk to mine from some distance away. The mother comes to me complaining that Tom was calling my son's name from about 50-75 yards away. She said my son heard Tom, ignored him and walked the opposite way, all the way around the complex. Until she finally saw him enter our house. She was upset that he did not want to talk to her son, stated that she did not like my son because she does not like anyone who is mean to her child.
Now, my problem is this. I do not think you can force your children to be friends at this age. I understand why my son does not like this child.Still, I feel sorry for the boy.
I explained as politely as possible exactly that to the mother. I also told her that I would rather my son walked away, than if he told him something nasty. The conversation went well.
Now a few days have passed by. I talked to my son about the situation, he did not even know what I was talking about. He did not hear Tom. He did say that he has (previously) just told him he was going to the park, but came home instead. He was trying to do what I told him to do. (instead of being rude or nasty)
I do not think I should be that involved with this issue. I am not going to force my son to be friends with someone. I think this is something they can deal with.
My son is the quiet type. He is not a big talker.
My son is pretty upset & it is obvious to him this parent does not like him. He does not understand how an adult, a parent can try to force him to be Tom's friend.
I did tell my son its natural for a parent to care about her child's feelings. Beyond that, I am not sure what else to do.
I would love some opinions on this from other parents.