I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES

This is an essay I wrote a few years ago when my parents were moving to a new home.  My beloved, long-suffering husband had a week of vacation and we had a few home improvement projects and car repairs on his Honey Do list. We decided to check on my folks to see if they needed some last minute help packing.  BIG mistake! Read on....

I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES

I am just about to need a place to hide the bodies of my crazy parents!! We were shocked by how well-prepared they weren't when we went over to help them pack yesterday.

The entire pantry was full of food; ditto the fridge and freezer. Whole closets and cupboards still full. All pictures were still on the walls, curtains all at windows, knick-knacks on the tables, shelves, etc. There was a smallish pile of boxes in one corner of the living room, but pretty much everything was still in place at 4pm yesterday with movers booked for 9am this morning! What madness was this? Nay, it was senility run amok!

Being in possession of the only working pair of knees, my daughter Sarah hit the floor and emptied the lower cupboard contents into boxes. Bill and I wrapped, packed and loaded everything that wasn't nailed down. Then he began removing brackets and shelves, so we got the nailed down stuff, too.

Today the movers took a truckload to the new house, but the bits and pieces they still hadn't packed are still in the apartment.  No pressure, but they must vacate before June 1st or pay $1200.00.  That would be this Saturday.

None of Bill's vacation week projects will come to fruition thanks to my parents' lack of planning and our kind hearts.  No use arguing about ground cover vs. grass.  It isn't going to get done either way. Neither is my wallpaper going up nor is the pool going to be cleaned and opened.  My car's brakes will have to last a little longer (please, God) or I'll need a much louder horn.

Sarah worked like a trouper. I am nominating Bill for sainthood. I was hoping to get to the Art Fair on Saturday, but have just heard from Sarah today that this weekend is softball pictures and season kick-off ceremony. Oh, yes, she needs a new pair of cleats.  Heidi reminded me that I'd promised to take Megan to try on uniforms tomorrow after school. We bowled on our last night of league tonight and I feel like a freight train loaded with iron ore ran over both of my legs several times each, then parked on my back.

Once I saw an awning that was heavily loaded with rain water collapse and totally drench a man. I thought it was funny.  Now I think I know how he felt.