Life is round--like a crystal ball...a sphere, just like a globe.
A thought emerges, just as quickly is lost, simply trapped in the frontal lobe.
My husband? He just disappeared, and this other stranger came.
He talks to me in my husband's voice...but I sure as hell don't know his name.
My children, they don't visit me; and my life feels so bereft.
I don't know who these damned strangers are. They came when my children left.
I know just what I want to say, just as I know what I should do.
But I get halfway into it, and I cannot see it through.
1990? 1950? Well, what the hell! Nothing matters very much.
I just don't care, you see that now... No love, no friends, no touch.
I don't even know myself anymore; and, I surely don't know you!
I can't speak the words I want to say, and I'm confused about what to do.
What is it you expect from me? Damn it! I'm not amused!
I used to be funny, laughing, kind, but now I'm just confused.
Dementia, they say, is troubling me. My thoughts scatter and depart.
It takes my memories of the loves of my life, and their absence breaks my heart.
I miss the days when I saw you, and instantly knew your name.
My days are troubled now, and dark. This Ahlzeimer's thing is to blame.
The world goes around-and still it will-though my being part of it is done.
The days of laughter, of singing, just stopped. I miss my husband, my daughters, my son.
The carousel, the wheel of life, my circle...it is broken.
But, round I go, and round again, though my thoughts remain unspoken.
My dance is over, the music's stopped. And what I just cannot conceive
Is that, though this party is over, you think I don't want to leave.
I keep telling them, I want to go home, I want to be where I belong.
I want to play my own piano, and sing my favorite song.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...why won't you let me be?
I can't understand you, I don't even know you...and you, you can't find me.
Dedicated to Arlene, Mom Extraordinaire
December 7, 1932-January 12, 2008
"A lady always knows when to leave the party."