Chocolate Glop

I don't know whether to publish this to Kitchen Disasters or not. The story has not ended. Maybe you can get a betting pool going on how this turns out.

I went looking for fudge ingredients in my kitchen. It was John's fault.

Thing is I've never made fudge before. I've read about it once or twice. I know that there is the old-fashioned way that you have to beat forever that fails at least half the time. I also know there is new no-fail fudge that you make with marshmallow creme. I don't stock marshmallow creme in the pantry, so guess which one I chose? In hindsight, I think maybe I should have melted down those Easter Peeps and called it marshmallow creme.

My recipe seemed simple enough. There were only six ingredients: cocoa, sugar, salt, milk, butter, vanilla. I've got all that. We're set.

I'm to bring everything but the vanilla and butter to a boil, constantly stirring, and continue to boil until I reach the soft ball stage (234°). It's a good thing we're homeschoolers. We've got things like scientific thermometers.

Let me say that it took forever to reach boiling and then forever again to reach 234°. I thought my arm would break from all the stirring. It's a good thing I followed the directions and used a big pan. The stuff swelled up to twice its original size.

Once it reached the soft ball stage, (insert snickers here), I was to add the butter and vanilla, but not stir. This worried me. How would the vanilla and butter get mixed in?

I soon found out. As soon as I poured the vanilla in, it went poof and did all this weird science stuff, mixing itself in the process.

I thought of Janna and Cat Shit Volcanoes.

Now I am to leave it there until it reaches 110° then beat it until it's gets thick and loses its shine. That sounds like a job for a man to me.

So, will it be fudge or will it be chocolate syrup? Is there any such thing as chocolate brittle?

I'll update you when I know.