I've worked at several large group homes for mentally ill/retarded adults. For people who are "low functioning" privacy isn't important. You give them their dignity by communicating with them often, and in a way they can relate to.
Group homes always seem to be a mixed bag. There are always people who shouldn't be there because they are so "high functioning". They should have more privacy. They should live in a smaller home where there's only 4 people, not a home where there's 40. They don't need eyes always on them. But they do. So they end up acting so institutionalized.
An example:
I might be in one of the bathrooms brushing the teeth of somebody who is low functioning and needs that care.
And then in walks a high functioning woman who drops her pants, sits on the toilet, and pees.
I say, "Wasn't there any other bathrooms that were empty?"
She looks at me like she could care less.
I say,'"You'll maybe have some privacy if you use a bathroom that's empty.
She finishes, gets up and walks off.
I say, "You didn't flush.
She looks at me like it would be a huge ordeal to have to DO something extra like that.
I say, "You should flush the toilet after you use it. It's important ... In case somebody comes by later and falls in.
Odd humour always works with her. She smiles at the idea, then goes to flush the toilet but not after acting like it was a huge ordeal that really took a chunk out of her day.
Group homes are odd places to work.
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Comments: 56
http://rainbow-reviews.com/?p=203
But what made us all always so sick at the group home is what they brought in from outside the home.
They don't want to be made to feel like small children and a lot of times they will rebel. It's the only way that they have to express the desire to have control over their lives.
They only way that I've ever found to make things easier is to learn about the person in question and learn how to reword things so that it helps make the person feel more in control. Like what you did. Instead of simply saying, "Flush the toilet," you said it in a way that appealed to the woman and made her feel a little more in control.
The doors were not locked, except from the inside at night for security reasons, like any house.
Issues (like rebellion) usually happened around food. The dining room was a war zone. That's a whole different matter.
You just described every patient I've ever known.
See the reason I say that is sure, she could have chosen a free bathroom for her own privacy, but in the situations I've been in, it was no longer about privacy for themselves, but rebellion.
You're in the bathroom with someone else. They barge in... they are taking control, they know that an unoccupied bathroom would be the better choice, but by barging in on you and the other person, they are asserting their control... They have taken the control away from you.. I mean, what are you going to do, drag her off the toilet and make her go to a different one.
By doing this, she has taken the control from your hands into hers. She is saying, you can't tell me what to do, you can't tell me to use a different bathroom, and you can't make me get out of this one.
Obviously, this might not be the case with the woman you're talking about... It really depends on the personality. This has just been my own experiences with people like this.
And oh yes... The food wars, haha.
Yeah - the dreaded "power struggle"
We try to avoid those.
Try.
Sounds like you're fully prepared for parenthood, those are the types of things you run into daily raising kids...come to think of it, sometimes you deal with this with "normal" high-functioning adults as well! Love the way you turned it around, wanna baby-sit?!
Before getting on Gather, I did have some compassion. But I see people who have so-called mental disabilities, use them as some excuse to harass everyone else, and Gather does nothing. Well, I do not believe in enabling anybody.
Like I said, my mother had a gift for it, but she would not have handled situations the way that Gather has handled them. No matter what your issue, she made sure you respected everyone.
My hat is off to you, Peter. The babies -- yes, I have tons of compassion for them.
Gregg
It was a relief when they retested her and decided she was no longer eligible for our program...
Lisa - I hate it when they put people in that don't fit - it takes all the attention.
Feeling secure has nothing to do with it.
If I had walked in on a high functioning person on the toilet or bathtub (I'm sure it happened) I would have just said "Excuse me" and backed out. And that would have been the end of that.
You have to blow off steam - but you also have to give people their respect so they can find some happiness.
Hi William !!!
Gregg
As far as the comments by the others in regard to these people, no one knows how it feels to walk in their shoes. You don't know what these people have gone through, what there level of understanding is, or the medications they take. Sometimes the people who are lower functioning don't realise that they are different, the more functioning people can and this adds to their issues, knowing they are different. It is not an excuse for poor behavior, but what comes so easy to us, may not be easy for them.
One has to have a great level of empathy and compassion to work and help people who are different. Like I have been saying a lot lately, hurting people hurt others. If you are hurting because you know you are not as functional as others, you will lash out or act inappropriately. These people may be there not really of their choice, but sometimes there is no choice. We can feel secure in our world, but if you not been in their shoes, you really don't understand how they feel and what they do or don't know or even what they are thinking.
The best illustration I can give is when a person smears stuff on themselves that no one wants to touch. We look at them and it disgusts us and makes us angry that they would do this and if it is our job, we get to clean them up. If they were in their right mind, they would not find this as appropriate acceptable behavior and it would disgust them, the key is, they are not in their right mind, and if we were where they are, we might do the same thing...it is easier to think the person disgusting, than that their mind is not making good decisions.
The worst of it was that they were all lonely. I hated bing on duty on Sunday afternoons when families came to visit. Some of them never had a family member or friend come by to visit the entire two years I worked there.