by Elsie Duggan
Member since:
November 8, 2006

Afraid and Late (prompt No. 9) 100 word stories, non challange

April 06, 2008 04:02 AM EDT
views: 95 | comments: 49
 

It's eight, I'm Late

For a very important date

My fear won't dissipate

They are at the starting gate

 

The engines are all revving

On the track with the figure eight

something is holding me back

Like quicksand, sinking feeling I hate

 

I have to make a wager

I must bet on car number eight

I have the syndicates money

And here I sit and wait

 

In traffic on Eighth Street

Frantically dialing, answer my call

but it won't change my fate

I'm behind the old eight ball

 

Can't escape

Missed my date

Shot on Eighth street

Caliber, forty eight.

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Comments: 49

Wanda H. Apr 6, 2008, 4:04am EDT
Man, Elsie you are a wonder! Fast, funny, and right on the money! Terrific use of the prompt!
Dee - Nature Babe! Apr 6, 2008, 4:06am EDT
Terrific poem! You are very talented.
meredith M. Apr 6, 2008, 4:51am EDT
cool
Susan S. Apr 6, 2008, 4:57am EDT
very nice poem, i like it!
Miriam J. Apr 6, 2008, 4:57am EDT
Awesome!! LOL I loved the flow and the ultimate funny outcome.. well, not haha funny but it made me smile. Very nicely done, Elsie!
Mimi
Marianne M. Apr 6, 2008, 6:57am EDT
Loved your drabble/poem, Elsie! "Shot on Eighth street, Caliber, forty eight." Great ending!!!
penni d. Apr 6, 2008, 9:59am EDT
fantastic, Funny...why is it a non-challenge, Elsie? :)
Kathryn E. Apr 6, 2008, 10:34am EDT
I like this one a great deal, Elsie. And the surprise ending got me! You wove the words well!

Your poem is Featured in the Triple Name Club.
Peter Joseph Swanson Apr 6, 2008, 10:50am EDT
Oh my !!! It danced ... and then went POW !!!!

(marvelous)
Gisela S. Apr 6, 2008, 10:51am EDT
I HATE being late....my mom drilled into our heads as children that five minutes early was ON TIME and I've never quite recovered from that!
Jim Ross Apr 6, 2008, 11:52am EDT
Loved your poem, Elsie. I keep seeing "Dave the dude" and his minions from Pocket Full of Miracles. At least someone put your larcenous character out of his/her sorry misery! ;-)
Barbra L. Apr 6, 2008, 12:49pm EDT
I could feel the tension in your write, Elsie! You got that across very well. :)
Steph-in-NE ..... Apr 6, 2008, 12:55pm EDT
How do you do this,, you so talented,,,,,
Patricia F. Apr 6, 2008, 1:23pm EDT
Wow! All those eights! Great 100 words with action and tension and then OUCH!
Parul S. Apr 6, 2008, 1:36pm EDT
terrifying 8's you have here Elsie.....and in the end the tension culminated into a big
Parul S. Apr 6, 2008, 1:37pm EDT
into a big OUCH just like patiricia said, very well written
Marge H. Apr 6, 2008, 4:09pm EDT
Very unexpected ending! I love it.
Stephanie B. Apr 6, 2008, 4:32pm EDT
Nice closure.
Cristina S. Apr 6, 2008, 4:39pm EDT
shot! oh my!
Kate Keeley Apr 6, 2008, 4:46pm EDT
Great, Elsie. I love how you have used the poetic form to make the story more powerful.
Susan B. Apr 6, 2008, 5:01pm EDT
Yikes! Very unucky 8's! Well done Elsie :)
Alison Pearce Apr 6, 2008, 5:01pm EDT
Excellent Elsie!
elizabeth e. Apr 6, 2008, 5:05pm EDT
She is a wonder...Elsie I can't believe you constructed this wonderful little drabble with it appears little effort.
Larry H. Apr 6, 2008, 5:19pm EDT
Very nice poem thanks for sharing..
Denise B. Apr 6, 2008, 7:14pm EDT
wow this is GREAT!!
Heather W. Apr 6, 2008, 7:55pm EDT
Great writing, Elsie.
Ann R. Apr 6, 2008, 11:47pm EDT
This was a fun read Elsie.
Jo C. Apr 6, 2008, 11:47pm EDT
What an ending and so well done. Loved the twist there at the end, wish I could write something like this.
necee t. Apr 7, 2008, 12:10am EDT
wow, that was great... what a twist of fate... great...
Lisa J Apr 7, 2008, 12:32am EDT
Wow Elsie... and the ending --- BAM!

Wow.
William Dotani Apr 7, 2008, 3:39am EDT
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't see that ending coming. Just delightful flowing verse with a fantastic story line.
June B. Apr 7, 2008, 7:25am EDT
I love your poems and your drabbles Elsie! Excellent!
Kay M. Apr 7, 2008, 10:32am EDT
Elsie this is delightful! This should be in the challenge.
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Apr 7, 2008, 12:58pm EDT
Unexpected ending and lovely.
Wilma M. Apr 7, 2008, 10:20pm EDT
Didn't I tell you that crime does NOT PAY?

Great story and rhythm to this drabble!
t b. Apr 8, 2008, 12:38pm EDT
Very nice Elsie.
Sarah (I want points) Apr 8, 2008, 2:04pm EDT
Oh wow! It's a great story, but a little scary :)
Rose S. Apr 8, 2008, 3:48pm EDT
Loved this!
~Rose
lynn a. Apr 8, 2008, 4:17pm EDT
This is funny, I love it. You can just come up with anything, can't you. Fantastic. I think you definitely have a winner on your hands here.
Sheila Deeth Apr 8, 2008, 8:32pm EDT
Love your drabble poems Elsie. You're so versatile.
Mary (diet dr pepper junkie) T. Apr 9, 2008, 3:03am EDT
great one, Elsie!
Donald M. Apr 10, 2008, 5:22pm EDT
Elsie you can tackle anything and do a great job. I love the number 8 drabble.
~*~Nina~*~ R. Apr 11, 2008, 6:21pm EDT
The pace was really nice, and the ending fantastic!
Anita R. Apr 11, 2008, 11:45pm EDT
Very fun drabble. Well-worded and met all the criteria. A great story, and a wonderful poem.
Lynn R. Apr 11, 2008, 11:53pm EDT
I am almost out of breath reading this. I feel this person's panic. lol You outdid yourself friend. Love it!!
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Sep 17, 2008, 10:24pm EDT
Never good to be late when dealing with the syndicate....

Great poem, Elsie.
Cara D. Sep 17, 2008, 10:28pm EDT

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