by Jennine D.
Member since:
November 18, 2006

Free at last-- 100 word Challenge week 8

April 01, 2008 06:55 PM UTC
views: 0 | comments: 38

She took a last look around, the form on the bed reproached her.   Her bags were packed. She paced the floors, waiting for the cab and last phone call she would ever get from her daughter.   Their funds had been transferred weeks ago to a Swiss bank account.  

The phone rang shrilly in the silence.   A photo of her children on the table mocked her as tears rained down her face, she said .   "He's fine, everything is fine."  She walked to the waiting cab.  Tomorrow when they found him, she would be living in Brazil sipping Margarita's on the beach. 

 

Comments: 38

Marge H. Apr 1, 2008, 7:29pm UTC
Sounds like a great beginning or end for a murder/mystery. Wonderful drabble. Makes me want more.
Marianne M. Apr 1, 2008, 9:17pm UTC
Enjoyed reading your drabble! Lots of suspense here, Jen!
Tanya P. Apr 1, 2008, 10:26pm UTC
Strong drabble. Interesting (to myself) that I find the fact that it was the last phone call she'd have from her daughter sadder than the man's death. Wonder what that says about me?!? LOL
June B. Apr 1, 2008, 10:32pm UTC
This is great. I agree with Tanya. I feel worse that she'll never see her daughter again. How sad is that?
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least five votes and over 8.0 average rating, and as such has been removed from Rating Resurrectionists! Congratulations!
Anita R. Apr 1, 2008, 11:47pm UTC
Powerful drabble - this story really grabbed me, and made me curious for more details. Good job.
Jim Ross Apr 2, 2008, 12:11am UTC
Murder most foul, Jen. Dum-de-dum-dum-dum! Marvelous setup. The end is just the beginning. Good job.
Kasey Klein Apr 2, 2008, 2:48am UTC
A fun rendering.

Thanks for posting this to Short Story and More!
Tracey W. Apr 2, 2008, 9:28am UTC
Chilling. I'm with Marge, I'd like to read more. Very good drabble.
Jennine D. Apr 2, 2008, 12:02pm UTC
This was my first drabble and my first time at trying to write a mystery. Glad you all liked it. LOL maybe I will continue this.
Parul S. Apr 2, 2008, 1:01pm UTC
jen, I think you should continue it.....i would love to read more about this character and what led her to this path...I'm sure of a great novel-in-making from this strong powerful piece.
Lynn R. Apr 2, 2008, 1:40pm UTC
Oh this one could easily be continued. I loved it and the mystery behind it.
Jimmie (Hey! Let's Gather!) Harris Apr 2, 2008, 5:43pm UTC
Every angry wife's fantasy?
Alison Pearce Apr 2, 2008, 6:21pm UTC
Great drabble Jen!
Susan B. Apr 2, 2008, 8:27pm UTC
So much packed into this short story! I must have more :)
Lisa J Apr 2, 2008, 9:22pm UTC
Muah ha ha ha ... either my imagination is evil, or this is an incredibly sinister piece.
Stephanie B. Apr 2, 2008, 10:24pm UTC
She doesn't seem remorseful about her husband, just her children, but then, this wasn't a crime of passion.
Austin Cushing Apr 3, 2008, 12:01am UTC
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
Tara T. Apr 3, 2008, 4:28am UTC
haunting drabble Jen! Well done
penni d. Apr 3, 2008, 9:18am UTC
this was good...isn't it great what can be Implied in so few words?
Ann R. Apr 3, 2008, 9:25am UTC
Controlled passion builds a lot of suspense. Very well done Jen.
Amanda C. Apr 3, 2008, 11:29am UTC
Well done, Jen
Kay M Apr 3, 2008, 11:36am UTC
Great job Jen
Lucky Stars Apr 3, 2008, 11:52am UTC
Good one, Jen. Makes me want to know more.
Sheila Deeth Apr 3, 2008, 6:32pm UTC
Interesting. Sad tale.
Kate Keeley Apr 3, 2008, 9:51pm UTC
Great surprise ending. This was fun to read, but I'm sorry for the dead guy. Unless he was evil. Then I'm not sorry for him.
Wanda H. Apr 4, 2008, 3:00am UTC
Leaving her kids? Couldn't do that.
Great drabble. Brought the whole story right home.

LOL kate. Swiss bank account? Shoot him in the bed? must have been evil! LOL
Doyle ( IS SOOO 7 for 7 soon... ) C. Apr 5, 2008, 12:15am UTC
Crime? Typical woman response to remote control envy!
(*Ducks*) LoL! Well done, in all seriousness.

Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Charli Mills Apr 5, 2008, 12:34am UTC
Definitely begs for more, but it is still a well written drabble.
Ruthe M. Apr 5, 2008, 12:56am UTC
Great drabble. I want to know: how'd she do it?
William Dotani Apr 9, 2008, 5:57pm UTC
Sounds like a second or third chapter blurb in a murder mystery. Good 100 word story.

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