It wasn't a trip I wanted to take; there were no beaches or cocktail hours; and the only souvenirs I brought home are carved into my abdomen. And yet, I traveled far, saw things I'd never seen before. I learned more about the internal and external world than I have on any other trip I've ever taken. My love for friends and family has deepened and changed.
If I could go back and refuse the journey, I'm not entirely sure that I would. I'm not the same person I was when I entered the hospital for the first time on November 28th, and I don't think I will be her again. Her preoccupations are not mine. Her sense of time and priorities are different, too.
If you asked her why she wanted to live, her answers would have been theoretical, and would not always have been borne out by the way she spent her time, or the words that flowed from her mouth.
There's nothing theoretical about my reason for living now. I think before I speak or act now. Do those words, that way of thinking represent who I want to become? Is a given activity really worth doing or am I doing it because it feeds my ego or alleviates my fears?
In the past four months, I've spent a total of five weeks in the hospital. I shared both a room and many intense hours with unknown roommates from the U.S., China, Equador, Monseurrat, Cambodia, and Panama. I found some more congenial than others, but I learned from all of them.
If I had a choice, I would have opted for a private room, but these "strangers," each enduring their own hour of crisis, blessed me with their lives, their stories, their friendship--and above all their courage. They proved again and again that what we think we want--solitude and a chance to control our environment, is good; but rising out of ourselves and the narrowness of our lives is better.
"My" hospital was a teaching hospital, and I came to love the atmosphere of wild learning that pervaded the place. As one resident told me, everyone there was mentoring someone else. It was an atmosphere where no one knew so much that they couldn't learn from someone else; and no one knew so little that they didn't have something to teach.
That's the kind of world where I want to live; it's also the place within myself where I returned to at the end of my trip. If I have something to give, I want to give it--and without reservation. At the same time, I want to keep my eyes, my ears and my heart open to all that I clearly have to learn from the mentors who startle me at every turn.
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Comments: 30
Julie G: It was! Thank YOU for all your continued support.
Louis: So true! I only hope I don't forget what I've seen and learned.
It is great that you can share what you have learned from your experience and that you are out of the hospital now!
Natalie: We are all teaching each other. Your warmth always shines through your words.
Janet: When we share what we learn, we reinforce the lessons. Thanks so much for your lovely comment.
Welcome back, you were missed ..Seems this journey made you happy and so I am.Loved to read your experiences..
Best Wishes
Many people don't have such an early opportunity to truly look at priorities this way. I think through sickness we become well.
Your writing is powerful as always.
Trish: Yours is an amazing story. Your words "through sickness we become well" strike a chord. It's certainly true that life is stripped of its illusions when we face suffering and mortality. So glad that you've survived and thrived.
Kimberley: Thanks so much for the good words--and especially for the blessings you always leave behind.
Becca: There's no better word than "Amen!"
Ron B: In its way, it was wonderful--though I'm hoping I don't have to make it again.
Mary: what a beautiful thought-provoking comment. Thank you.
Angella: You're so right; we never know what's coming--which is probably a good thing. The present is enough!
Kathryn: Thank you. You always leave the most gracious comments.
Laurun: Thank you. Yesterday was the first day I felt truly better--maybe because Hank was here?
Aaron: Thanks for reading--and of course, for those hugs.
I hope this find you well. Great article.
Thank you for this beautiful thought, Patry - and so good to see you. It's hard to find folks on Gather these days unless I see them comment on someone else's content and I saw you on Beryl's post. I think of you of often and send you healing thoughts. Blessings for your courage and for enlightening us all. Salud
This is a marvelous way of looking at your journey.
Take care.
God calls us to find our need for Him! The truth is we are truly lost without Him!
Through all our searching within this world to find ourselves, our need to be in control of our lives, our destiny, or just to sway our very existence a little is all lost to the eye opening reality that we are in charge of nothing more than our choice to follow one path or another. We may all at one time or another wish to have the power to do a thing but it is totally, completely in Gods hands. Finding out just how powerless we are and to come to God in the humble state of our own nothingness seeking to become complete in God is the reality of a life walking with God.
The very first thing Jesus teaches us in the beatitudes ( NLT Mathew 5:3 ) is "God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them" very powerful words indeed.
May God be with you!
My prayers are with you!