Discussion: How Do You Judge People?

I try not to judge people. I learned a long time ago to NEVER judge anyone by their clothes. A good example of this .. I used to work sales in a furniture store. This man cam in all dingy and dirty with junky clothes. Not know to all of us he just got out of work. No one wanted to help the guy .. so I volunteered. They figured by the way he looked he could not afford furniture. I helped him. He bought $10,000 worth of furniture and while talking to him he gave me some cards for one of his bussiness's. He owned a car repair shop. The other people I worked with were kicking themselves in the butt considering we work on straight commission!

As a child ... I always hated the little school 'clicks' the ones who went based on your clothes and looks. My friends were a variety. I looked beyond the outward appearence and always have .... I would never judge anyone for fear of my myself being judged!

The way I see it is unless your god you have no right to judge. You have not walked in my shoes nor I in yours .. Normally those who judge are unhappy with their own lives and this is why they have to nit pick at yours ..

Good question. Unfortunately we do "judge" I prefer to call it profiling....as I don't really judge people per sey. Judging goes deeper and more personal then called for...profiling is natural and sometimes needed and often helpful...not always but the general rule of thumb is if it walks like a duck and looks like a duck then guess what....yup it's a duck. Judging goes into the actual persona of an indiviual and not alway correct actually more so then not it generally is about 98% INCORRECT. Unless you REALLY know the person PERSONALLY then you can say you are 100% correct but even then that is arbratrary based on personal differences and personalities....but to judge a person all you have to do is be blind, deaf, and dumb and careless or care less about the human species as a whole....it's very easy to do which is why so many do it.....but we really shouldn't judge unless ye be judged by the same measure as you judge others. A ten for you. :0)

I try my best not to judge people based on the way they look. I look more toward their actions, and still do not judge unless it comes down to a safety issue.

Being over 50 and from the South, most people assume I am a racist - I am not and I always was fascinated by the racists of the world. When I was teaching, I once told a class I was prejudiced and when the hubbub died down, I qualified it by saying I id not like stupid people. Ignorant people can learn, uneducated peole can learn but stupid people CHOOSE to remain stupid regardless of how much we work to help them. They thought about what I said and I had long and meaningful conversations with many of those I told I was prejudiced because they wanted to know when stupid ends if you want to end it. I notice a smile first and if no smile, is the situation not befitting a smile? If not, adapt. I always hated the tense overwhelmingly silent moment when no one steps forward or takes the floor so I used to crack a joke or say something like, "I guess you all wonder why I have called you here today..." I forget my nervousness when I share the tension with others so I want to be comfortable and make others comfortable too. I never assume that ragged clothes or cheaper accessories mean uneducated or poor because some people love to put on different looks so they can navigate through the world without running into many people because they avoid them as beneath their notice. I don't rush to hug and become "best friends" after five minutes but I don't let most red flag things keep me away either. We were in a movie theatre to see TERMINATOR 2 in Pittsburg several years ago. We sat down and then a bunch of young Hispanic people came in dressed like gang members and loud. My mom was instantly scared to death that we were all going to be attacked. Another group of young people came in who were African-American and they had a few words with the Hispanic youth and everybody finally sat down. My mom could not see because the African-American man who sat in front of her was blessed with a big 'fro and she was afraid to move. The guy sitting in front of me was about 6'8 and maybe 400 pounds and he turned around when he saw my mom moving around trying to see the screen. he asked if he was in my way and I said no and then he asked about my mom and I told him she was having trouble with the guy's afro. He told the guy to move over another seat which he did and he asked my mom if she could now see. She could barely answer "yes" because she had already put him in the gang killer category and he was actually very nice.

Excellent example Donna...........good for you. And you're correct in that some people will PUR[POSFULLY put on clothes and "costumes" [I call them] to walk and see how they are treated by others, some for the real reactions and some for reporting or just to keep others from haggling them or eyeballing them [something I do often] etc....

Undercover reporters do that very often...more so then we're aware and so you never know who you are dealing with on a one to one level so it's best to be open to all.....reminds me of that episode on Sienfeld where the grandma gets lost going to the bank and ends up in an alley with a gruff looking Mexican man, headband and all cleaning his nails with a switchblade knife......we all think it's the end for grandma, and so does she at first, then he casually offers her help in finding the actual bank she's looking for.....so he was nothing like what he appeared which was the message Seinfeld was trying to convey......although in reality had that happened he probably was a gang-banger but on the look out for OTHER gang bangers not little lost old ladies.

My son learned that lesson very quickly in LA last week....he lives in a condo and the next door neighbor is never seen, but last weekend as he [my son] was sitting on his deck with his room-mate [a Virginia boy], out came the neighbor and both were shocked to see him dressed in his do-rag and scruffy jeans and holding a beer bottle.....the guy was Mexican, tattoos and all......and simply walked over to his railing and glanced downward and then kept glancing at them....the room-mate was about to pee his pants in fear and whispered that they were about to become "dog meat" to my son....[who is use to dealing with Mexican's in his jobs as a waiter and resturant help]......laughed and looked at the guy and said "Hey, How's it going?!"

The roomate about fell over in shock and had this look of frozen fear and was like "geesh I can not believe you're actual talking to him" look on his poor face.

And the guy simply lowered his sunglasses down and looked over them at my son and said "pretty good, how about you?" and they started talking and my son told him about how his room-mate was having trouble passing the ozone level inspection they have in CA, and the guy simply said "really-here I have a guy who can help you" gave them a card and said "tell them Paco sent you and he'll fix you up." and they shook hands and the guy said he had to get ready for work and that it was nice talking to them...maybe they can get together and have a cook-out some weekend......

Turns out the guy is a Shift NURSE and works nights....so much for judging huh.
Now they're good friends and neighbors.

I try not to judge either but sad to say, I'm always judged by the color of my skin!

I've learned the hard way about being judgmental. Whenever I catch myself starting to pass judgment, I take a deep breath and am so glad I do.

This is a good article, sparked some excellent comments. BTW, thanks for commenting on my Attitude article. Glad you enjoyed it.

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people tend to act the way they are treated, I try to treat eveyone the same, at first. Then when I get to know them better decide if they deserve more or less from me :)

Never judge a book by it's cover.

I tend to judge a person by how they treat me. If they are rude and condescending then I tend to be a bit snippy and defensive.

It's hard to not judge. I think judging can be a mechanism we once had to protect ourselves. Unfortunately the things people are judged on don't fit into the catagory of protection.

People judge me by the sounds I produce (I have a trach and make odd sounds). Some people pull away out of fear of "getting something". It doesn't feel good.

I struggle when I hear people who need money not being willing to do any legal job. I don't get it and I think it's maybe worse for me because I would give anything to be able to hold down a full time job again.

First off, VERY good question and its getting some good anwers. Everyone nowadays seems to say that they either A: Don't judge people or B: Try not to judge people. But I think that it is human nature to judge. Be it people, situations, ideas, anything. It's just the way humans are. Just like some have black hair and some blonde - you can try and change it or cover it up, but in the end your roots are your roots.

Now, on to the real answer ;). How do I judge people? Well, to start off, I've worked in retail for about 5 years. Cashier, sales floor, service desk, and now photo/eatery departments. I've dealt with a lot of people and I've come to realize that I judge them mostly by looks and a the way they deal with whats going on around them. For instance, I've had customers complete and entire 2 or 3 minute (or longer) transaction with me, while they're on the phone with someone else! I am polite (even though it feels that they aren't showing me the same respect) and get them on their way. Then I tell myself that they are rude and whatever. I'd never tell them what I think, that would be wrong. It's almost just a way to pass the time sometimes. Just a game of guess how the other person's life goes.

Is that an answer to your question? ;) Again, very good and thought provoking question!

good article..judge not..lest ye be judged

I try not to consciously judge people, but alas I find that unwittingly i am judging people all the time(not neccesarily negatively, but nonetheless judging) as a part of our survival kit from primative times when judging was part of being one step ahead of death. However, I will try not to judge people negatively, always look for their good points(dig deep) and hope people will not judge me negatively in return.