I'm sure this won't be the last time I ask my illustrious Gather family for parenting advice. I know that some of you must have dealt with a similar situation at some point in your lives.
I have a beautiful six-year-old daughter. She really is quite a joy. She loves to sing, play, and clean around the house. Well, she likes to clean when she wants to, not when she's told. I guess that's like most children though.
What's really bothering me lately though, is the spite which she directs mainly at her older brother. I've studied just about every possible cause that I can think of. We show her just as much love and attention as we do the boys. Sometimes, we give her more attention than any of them. Still the problem remains. She can dish out the jokes and puns with the best of them, but when her older brother gives it back to her, she tends to retaliate in a very spiteful and sometimes hurtful manner. Today her method was physical violence. She decided to grab fingers and start twisting. My oldest boy, being the good boy that he was raised to be, knows to never retaliate against a girl. He won't hit her back at all.
The question is this, how do I teach her a lesson about her actions? I've tried every reasonable punishment I can think of. I don't want to tell her brother to retaliate, because I don't want him to learn it's okay to hit girls. It's about all I can think of though. If I turn him loose to handle the situation, I'm afraid he'll hurt her.
HELP PLEASE!!!!
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Comments: 18
when mine were young, it would likely have been something along the lines of your sister (I only had girls) gets to do something fun and sorry, but you can't because.... which would not only reward the one for GOOD behaviour but also provide a consequence for she who behaved inappropriately
if there wasn't something ~fun~ in the offing I would invent something to suit ... I allays was ~mean~ that way .... oh shucks darn... and here I thought we would go rent a new nintendo game to try today .... oh well...so sorry that you can't be in there ....
It's all a learning process. We as parents can only do the best we can and hope it sinks in. Some things, children just learn on their own through trial and error. It's good and bad. Bad that a child has to learn the hard way sometimes, but good in that they will remember it and think twice the next time they think about doing something.
Hang on for the ride. Wait until they're teenagers. Hubby and I are parents of 2 teens and sometimes our 16 y/o son makes me feel like the biggest failure because all the things we have tried to teach him, he seems like he's forgotten. It's just a phase, but I swear I could just choke him sometimes.
Being a mother of a teen.....I now know why some animals eat their young. :-/
What I do is tell the boys to tell me and I will handle it. Or scream real loud to let me know to come as fast as I can hobble to them. That way I can catch her in the act. Under no circumstance do you let your boys do something back. You are right to be concerned about your daughter getting hurt. Growing boys really don't understand the strength they have. Espically against annoying little sisters. It is good your daughter has learned to fight back. But you need to intervene each time. Even if it means placing her in her room by herself til she calms down even to talk about it. Remember she is little yet and has a hard time expressing her feelings or trying to say what she wants.
Good luck.
It is right to tell a boy not to hit a girl but if she is hurting him he has to stop her. I suggest in a manner that just restrains her and not actually hitting her. Maybe a wrestling move or just get behind her and hold her arms down....Just suggestions.
It does look like you have some great advice here.
Check out some of the links below. Send me an e-mail if you have any other thoughts or questions or if you've already found out a solution that works.
http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/index.html
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/birthord.htm
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/dealing.htm
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/adult.htm
http://www.adleriansociety.co.uk/phdi/p3.nsf/supppages/0939?opendocument∂=7