I've been on Gather everyday, But I just can't think of anything to write aboout. Since I lost my twin boys, my life has felt so empty. I should still be pregnant, damn it. Never in my life had I ever thought that I'd loose a pregnancy, especially so far into it. They were real babies that I had to bring into this world and let die. Well, technically I felt one die before hand, but baby B was alive. I just am taking it one day at a time, but it's so hard with the questions from my older kids, and having to explain to everyone what happened. And every one and thier mamas wants to know what happened with fierce detail. And I've been keeping a brave face, but nights like tonight, I just fall apart after keeping it together all day.
I just want my babies back. I'm a good mom, and I deserved to have them. I joked that 6 kids was going to drive me crazy, but I didn't mean it. And I think to myself that I shouldn't have done so much. I should've protected them better. Theres nothing I can do to bring them back.