First Day at Daycare - Your Thoughts?

I don't think you should stay the first day - it gives the child the impression that you will always stay. Stay for a bit to introduce her to her new surroundings, but not the whole day!

I say drop them off and leave. You can call and check, but do not let her know. It will take WAY longer for her to adjust if she knows that mom will be there if she cries. Really, she will be fine. She will probably cry for a short time, then stop once she determines it won't do her any good. The children that have continual problems are those that the parents linger. Those that drop them and leave adjust within a few minutes usually.

I never stayed with my kids....just dropped them off and left. I've never had problems with either of my kids adjusting to day care either.

Don't know. My children have never gone to a daycare because I don't trust outsiders. But I do know many people who drop and run. does that mean the child gets used to the idea, I can't say.

sorry to be of no help!

Josie, I can completely understand. When the parent stays the child will continue to cry. If they just leave, the child will adjust better. I have ONLY seen children cry continuously when the parents don't just drop them and leave. If you start in the beginning they will think the more they cry eventually the parent will show up. You could ask about seeing it on a camera (some have online systems), but I think being there will cause problems.

I'm afraid I have no suggestions. I stay at home with Gideon, so I'm his day care. :)

My grandson is lucky enough to be at the best day care center around. Yes, he cried the first couple of days when his parents left, but they said within 5 minutes he was interacting with the other children and having a great time. He call it his "work" and has literally blossomed the last three months. His vocabulary and verbal skills have improved 100 percent and his social skills are terrific. As an only child, living in a neighborhood with mostly retired folks, there weren't many other children to play with, so it was scary for the first few minutes each day. Now he knows how to play well and share with others.

If it is a good center, then they will be able to steer your little one in the right direction. Often, it is much harder for parents/grandparents to cope than for the child. Put on a brave face for a couple of days and everything will be o.k. Good Luck!

I do know when I worked in a daycare for schooling we had a little room that we could observe the daycare from behind a 2 way mirror. If they have that USE IT! You can watch her and know you are there for her, but she won't keep crying for you and refuse to adjust to the workers and other kids there.

Daycares are not all good or all bad. You just have to be selective and visit unannounced sometimes. It will be tougher since she is older then most kids that start but she will be fine. Good luck and update us.

I nevered stayed. But, I would make selective and unannouced visits, like Lynn said. I did that with AMber

I never used a daycare with any of our 6 kids. I didn't work outside my home and didn't trust non-family members with my kids. I did do home daycare for 2 years with 2 other kids the same ages as 2 of my kids, so my kids had someone to play with at home.

I agree completely with Josie's comments. At your daughter's age, to have a sudden traumatic change like that - well, it just doesn't seem this center is well attuned to young child development or compassionate and intelligent enough about the emotional well being of a child if they think that is a good idea. Giving your child time to get to know the new people, in a way she feels is safe because you're there with her, seems absolutely the right thing to do if you have to start using one. I would definitely listen to my gut, too, if I were feeling hesitant about using this center, as you indicate you are. The cost of ignoring that instinct, when it comes to our children, is just too high.

When Kyle went at 2 and 1/2 I did not stay but I stopped at the window to see him and he saw me so from then on we "met" at the window and that helped him out! Also, before he even started, I took him there and stayed with him before he went on his own-that helped too!

Here it is. In all honesty, stay home and take care of the child you gave birth to. She needs you more than you need the money. I stayed home and took care of mine, and people would say how lucky I was to be able to. That's not true. I never had the finer things, vacations, and dinners out. My life was to care for my children, and if that meant poverty, we'd be together and nobody would molest my children. I don't mean to be hateful: I just care about your baby who needs you so.

I think it is best if you drop her off and make sure they will call you if her stress levels are too high. You can keep an open schedule the first day or two and call them in case, or have your mom go see her to calm her down if she is that upset... but let her at least try to manage and figure out there is nothing to be afriad of on her own, first.

As for the daycare "not allowing" you to be there.... that would make me VERY uncomfortable. There is no way they can expect a parent not to be curious and want to see how things go at the place where their little ones (who can not talk to tell you things yet) spend a large part of their life if the parents are working full time. I personally prefer an open door policy with parents and daycares. Did they give you a reason for not allowing you to spend the first day with her?

Before I left my son at daycare I asked if I could bring him with me for an hour to observe. They agreed. The second day I left him and it all went well.

I have no experience with daycare, but I wanted to wish you the best with it.

I don't have kids, but if I did and had to put them in daycare, it would make me very uncomfortable with a place that didn't allow me to stay if I wanted to. Whether you SHOULD stay is another thing.. I can't say, having no experience with it, but it seems that the majority of replies say it's better to drop and run. Maybe, since she's so young, and if you're nervous, try to arrange it so the first day or two you only have to leave her there for a short time..maybe just a couple hours. Either way, I'd definitely do unscheduled visits and calls.

Pick another day care. If they're not flexible enough to accomodate your staying, I would have serious concerns.

I worked in a day care center . . . I had both my kids in day care at various times . . . Don't leave your child somewhere you don't feel completely comfortable about.

I wouldn't stay. My son went through a little separation anxiety for about a month or so when I went off to work, but after about 2 minutes, he was off and playing and breaking things without a care in the world. She'll be fine. I recommend prozac, vodka and chocolate for you though! LOL

I have 4 kids.. and i would never stay the first day.. ever...

you ask why?..

I would rather watch from afar to see how the child truly adjusts instead of just hte moments i walk out the door... the best time to watch is the time you come back ... stand back and watch before you actually peek your head through the door...

I agree with Mary somewhat.. in this day and age you have to be very careful.. there are nutso's our there ... but on the other hand.. you do need to give your child that chance to adjust on her own.. I have been known to stop by at lunch time.. ( i breast fed my last 3 kids.. 2 of them i worked fulltime and still breastfed full time.. )... and although i realize that you should be able to just walk in a home that your child is in.. a locked door also prevents someone from taking your child and kidnapping them... or another one walking out without being noticed...

I usually stayed at least 15 minutes to help them adjust.. watch how the provider interacted with the other kids.. not talking to me... and then went.. if i cam early.. i did not announce an early arrival...

and if you get any feelings that something is just not right.. follow your instincts and find another provider immediately..

Thanks SO MUCH! You guys are great.

Shawnee - The assistant director did tell me the reason. She said it was the best for the child because Kyleigh would adjust better if I weren't around. That's pretty much the same reason everyone here who suggested "drop off and run" has said. She also said it would not be fair to other children because their mothers were not there (although, to be honest, I can care less about that).

I am planning on calling another day care center on Monday to see if they have any opening. I am also not completely set on going to this place. But I have to pick a place before Friday next week.

I will keep you updated. And thanks again for the valuable input.

Take some kleenex...the large, giant size

I am glad when my children, were younger I did not have to, put them in daycare, but I realize sometimes there is no choice in the matter.
I believe that the child will be, fine providing that the daycare center is, run properly. I would ask questions such as, how long the staff has been working at this particular facility, and what are their credentials. Also Im sure you can get some imput from other mothers who have children there as well. Good luck!

i think a day care should let you introduce your child around and check on him/her during the day even if she doesnt see you you can know things are finne I would also let her go for a one hour visit the first day and 2 hours the next couple days so she knows when you leave youll be back

Don't stay because she has to get use to her new surroundings.

I didnt read any of the other comment, so if im reposting something someone else said sorry.
I would not stay the whole day, but I would stay until you know she is ok with things, then try slipping out.
As for this day care or any others. I would NEVER use one that did not have a open door policy. You should be able to walk in and out of there anytime you feel the need too. I personally do not believe in anything else. I also dont trust day cares, sorry if that does not help your fears, but just my thoughts on them.
Im going off my sons first day of preschool. The same goes for my childrens schools, if they do not have an open door policy my children will not be going there. Its our job as parents to take care of them. Make sure they are safe and that they are being cared for properly. If they dont have an open door policy then you are not going to know this or be able to check on her. I would say find another one, one that does have an open door policy, where you are free to walk in at any given point in time that feel you want too and stay as long as you like.
I wish you the best of luck on finding the right one for your daughter, you, and your family. I can only imagen how hard it is.

I wish I could offer some advice but I can't on this topic. Sorry. I wish you luck though.

I never stayed with mine however I will say if a daycare told me I couldn't after I explained I would be concerned. Thats like a school saying you can't come in and sit during a class.

I don't know much about this, myself, but I tend to agree with Suze P.
And, if they don't allow unannounced or unscheduled parental drop-ins, something is wrong.

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I only had my son in daycare when he was very young and it was private. We didn't stay the day but we were always allowed to drop in anytime he was there. I would be concerned about a place that didn't allow you to drop in. Staying would probably be too difficult for the child and the handling of the child by the workers which may be why they don't allow you staying the day.

I think you should be allowed to stay for the first few days. If you want to make sure your child is in good hands why shouldnt you be allowed to observe as long as you are paying them! I honestly cant even stomach the thought of having to leave my child at a day care and thinking about them crying because they miss me and wondering if they are ok. I pray I never have to know what its like. Eventually I think kids always come to love day care because they get to play with other kids so much but to me them being home with me is so much better:) You do what you have to do and if you want to wait until you find somewhere you like then do it! You need to feel completely at ease leaving your child under someone elses care. If you dont feel right about the place then dont let them watch your children!

Thanks everyone!

I am considering other day cares. I feel more comfortable with the other places that either doesn't mind me staying, or encourage me to stay.

I am about to have my oldest child go to daycare as well (12 weeks, 1 year old) and from my experience and children, there was never a statement saying - stay the whole day, but you could stay with staff for a few hours and play with your child and that staff member, showing the child s/he can trust that adult.

I am a daycare provider myself, and from what i ahve seen and have done myself in the past is have the parent come with their child/children one day or two if they would like just so they can talk to me about what activities i do, or routines i do thru the day and that way i get to meet the child and they get to meet me. Then the very first day they actually come to stay i have them drop off the child and just leave, it really is much easier this way, and it gets them to realize that mommy or daddy always comes back and it is a much smoother transition for them in the long run.

I wouldn't stay. I never did when my kids went to daycare. Sure, he/she might be a little or a lot scrared, but children adapt so quickly. It will be no time before he/she is comfortable and fitting in.

Besides....there are going to be a lot of 'first times' your child will experience. The first night without a passie. First day without a bottle....The first day of kindergarten....First day of Junior High...High school. You can't baby them while they go through these natural phases. It'll only encourage them to cling to you in naturally stressful times and not learn how to cope with change.

I know it's heart breaking and stressful for a parent to see your child stressed out like that, but they have to learn to cope. Even at such a young and tender age. You can always call later and see how your child is doing.

Good luck!

grandma is sad