That Thing Has to Go--a Manifesto

Nippy Katz, one of my humans, posted a slanderous article yesterday.  It included an egregious forgery,  a note purported to be in my handwriting.  Nippy is pretty good with the wet food and providing massage on demand but he has an active fantasy life.  It makes me wonder about his committment to Service to Cats. 

It's true, the other humans brought a small animal with them.  I knew it wanted to bite me and steal my food and that the humans would take its side.  I did the only thing a sane cat could have done under the circumstances.  I hid.   

Humans don't understand how things are for a small animal.  We're at the mercy of most everything.  Nippy is nearly 9 times taller than I am.  He weighs an unimaginably huge amount, probably more than ten times what I do. I weigh less than 8 pounds. It's hard for cats to visualize numbers that large.   Felines have survived for millions of years because we're stealthy.  We have sharp fangs and claws but when you're not even an entire mouthful for a predator you need some stealth on your side too. 

I hid till I was sure that that thing was gone.  I was very careful.  I know that the humans were making fun of me.  I needed to be sure.   

Nippy made fun of my spelling and pencatship.  He forged that note.  Here's a facsimile in my own paw.  Writing is not easy for a cat.  I like the keyboard a lot better.  Precision batting is something cats are good at.  My spelling is good.  I do know the difference between "loser" and "looser."  I proofread a lot of Nippy's stuff.  I think I'm going to have to start sabotaging it.

That thing that the other humans brought over is no Friend to Cats. It wants to hurt us and steal our food.  Please help Otis and me in our crusade to keep it out of our house.