Discussion Question: Is the Divorce Rate in America A Problem?

It's not a problem for ME! Today is my 9th anniversary!

While I have never been divorced, I am married to a man who had an early marriage and one son from that marriage. So I have a personal perspective on this.

I think divorce is often a problem, very painful, especially for children. I am NOT judging parents who get divorced. Some marriages just aren't workable, for whatever reasons. However, I wish all children were in families where divorce did not occur.

The reality is that some marriages HAVE to end. Some marriages are life-threatening for one or the other spouse. Some are emotionally battering or shattering. I do understand divorce, even though neither my husband or his ex-wife were violent. I wouldn't have married a man who was. Just my take.

I know that divorce creates problems when children are involved. Even without children, it can leave longterm emotional or physical scars. There are ways to minimize this. My husband had the most civilized divorce I've ever witnessed, very polite if not exactly warm and fuzzy (understandably). Neither adult ever dissed the other parent. His ex-wife is one of the nicest people I know, although we don't see her much, rarely. Both exes simply grew apart and no amount of counseling could change things.

The child was put first after the divorce....and still it hurt him (I believe) to know his parents were apart. But the marriage simply couldn't be "fixed"( I know some people believe nearly every marriage can be fixed, but I do not). Too young, too soon, people too different. That is my take. Of course, I was not a part of that marriage so my take is just that. I'm offering it up as part of the discussion on divorce.

Yes , I do agree.

Sarah - I did want to add that I agree with you about many people bailing out of marriages too easily these days. It is not a decision to be made lightly. I know very few long-term marriages that haven't had rough years or patches and mine is no exception. The year I gave birth and several family members died was a doozy. But rough years come - and go.

There are times, however, when people do need to divorce. When a child's life is in danger due to abuse or neglect or the drug addiction or mental illness of one parent or when there is domestic violence. Also, sometimes people grow apart and decide they need to move on. Life is short and children grow up and I know plenty of people who divorce after that, quietly, with peace and compassion on both sides. Just a thought.

LOL .. congrats bridget!!! :)

I do not think it is just the divorce rate ... to be honest. A lot of people are not even bothering to marry anymore. So then we have more and more kids born out of marriage and no legal ties or bonds to hold the parents around or together for the kids or what not. (I don't think that came out how I meant it .. hmm) This is what a majority or the problem is .. so then you have kids raised in single parent homes. boys who had no male figures in their lives .. and also girls who never grew up with a father or around a 'healthy' relationship. I can say this .. I am a divorced single mother of four. I did have children during my marriage and out of my marriage. I am raising all four kids on my own .. by myself with no husband .. no boyfriend .. no male figure in my kids lives. Their fathers are NOT involved. I see this being a problem in society today. My boys are getting older and they have no positive male to guide them into man hood and teach them how to be a man. My girls have no male to teach them how a man should treat a daughter ... mother... ect ect. I have a LOT of male friends who have grown up without a father in their lives and it does show a great deal in their lives to this day. I mean some of them will admit they know nothing about being a husband or father .. or how to have a successful relationship ... this is what a single parent home has to deal with when a parent is absent.

On the other hand ... just because someone is married does not mean the relationship is a good one or they should remain married. For example .. my ex husband was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. For mine and my kids safety I had to leave him. Then another good point .. some married couples stay together out of convenience or thinking its the right thing to do or how they were raised and make the childrens lives a living hell! I know .. I have been one of those children!!!

So I don't think the divorce rate is the problem it is the lack or commitment that is ..

I would have to say that the rate of mariage is the cause of the divorce rate. People enter into a commitment that it is not likely they will follow through with. They are still wearing rose colored glasses walking down isles before they no the truth in being a couple and making compramises.

Many people get married not realizing how much they will have to commit to the marriage. I have never been divorced or married, so I am not an expert on that subject.

I have been divorced for twenty years. I will never get married again.

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Divorce rate is a problem in America because we don't know how to go through anything, we'll rather end a relationship instead of trying to make it work. I've heard that Americans are the laziest people and it's true, we give up so easily.

I feel bad for the children too.

good article

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Krissy - It is a nice change of pace seeing those words come from you instead of Austin even if your icon is..a..shoe? Or what is it?

Divorce is an ugly thing. My perspective is that if you can't offer commitment to your spouse and kids, why do you marry in first place. I am not encouraging having relationships and kids out of bondage here. I am merely saying that the main reason why more and more relationships are failing today is due to the fact that we are afraid to offer commitment.

I think it is too easy for people just to walk away,most people these days just get mad once and walk away with no talking.The rate is high.

I'm not sure if it's a problem, but I think rather the nature of family changes through time. A symbolic interactionist sociologist's point of view would be that the symbols of marriage, women, etc has changed. For example, women were traditionally subjugated and thought of as useless in the absence of a husband or children. Therefore, a divorced woman would be viewed as damaged goods. As this has changed, and women were seen as having value with or without a male counterpart, divorce has become more socially acceptable. Also, as the nature of the family has changed symbolically, so too has the views towards divorce. A divorce can be viewed as more justifiable (for numerous reasons including the aforementioned), and a family does not have to me mother, father, 2.5 children. A family can be a single mother, a single father, 2 mothers or 2 fathers, etc. Therefore, divorce becomes more socially acceptable. I'm not qualifying it one way or the other, but just offering a sociological perspective on the matter (I teach history and sociology on the secondary level).