by Tracey W.
Member since:
April 21, 2007

Liar - 100 WORD STORIES WEEK 6 - CHALLENGE

March 17, 2008 10:42 AM EDT (Updated: March 17, 2008 05:58 PM EDT)
views: 97 | rating: 10/10 (26 votes) | comments: 32
 

"Liar", I screamed.  Michael rushed in.  "What is it, Babe?!"  "He's lying", I wailed, jabbing the TV screen.  "How can you know that, you weren't at that hearing?"  Michael frowned. 

"Come with me."  We drove to the police station - Michael was a detective.

All day I sat behind the glass pointing out the lies as prisoner after prisoner was brought in for questioning.  For a deal, a murderer promised to reveal the body.  He smiled straight at me-a promise, and then told the truth.  A silent scream formed on my lips as my heart hitched.  He would get the deal!

©TSW 2008

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Comments: 32

lynn a. Mar 17, 2008, 10:45am EDT
Whoa. My stomach clutched reading this. Excellent drabble, Tracey. Now I need to go calm down. Wow.
Susan B. Mar 17, 2008, 11:03am EDT
Bravo!! Well done drabble Tracey :)
Jim Ross Mar 17, 2008, 11:06am EDT
Good one, Tracey. Powerful and well written. The insight in this case is wonderfully painful since no proof is available and we know it will be ignored (sadly!)
penni d. Mar 17, 2008, 11:18am EDT
too much "truth" in that last sentence, sadly...but your story was GREAT, tracey! :)
Lynn Doiron Mar 17, 2008, 11:21am EDT
I like this Tracy. I miss the "the" before "deal" in last line. Maybe put in the "the" and take out the "us" in "Michael drove [us] to the police station - he was a detective."

Good 'un. Thanks.
Kate Keeley Mar 17, 2008, 11:35am EDT
You certainly touch a nerve with this one--how we all have those silent screams gurgling in our throats when see this kind of injustice. I always enjoy the fast pace and tension you create in your stories.
Sujata (funnily 'Suji' ) S. Mar 17, 2008, 11:44am EDT
A good style of saying a story !!!
Mary Beth Magee Mar 17, 2008, 12:30pm EDT
Powerful story, Tracey. So much in such a small space - rather like dynamite, isn't it?
Tracey W. Mar 17, 2008, 12:58pm EDT
Lynn you are so right, I never meant to leave out the "the", thanks for pointing that out!
Marianne M. Mar 17, 2008, 1:25pm EDT
Good story, Tracey. Well-written, with lots of PIZZAZZ!!!
Marge H. Mar 17, 2008, 4:49pm EDT
Very well written Tracey. I especially love the ending.
Austin Cushing Mar 17, 2008, 5:19pm EDT
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
David S. Mar 17, 2008, 6:37pm EDT
Very effective, urgent tone, Tracey! Nice work!
Alison Pearce Mar 17, 2008, 6:49pm EDT
Fabulous drabble Tracey!
Anita R. Mar 17, 2008, 7:53pm EDT
Wow Tracey, this is perfect. Well-done!
Kay M. Mar 17, 2008, 7:58pm EDT
Well done Tracey
Sheila Deeth Mar 17, 2008, 11:21pm EDT
Intense. Very good.
Ann R. Mar 17, 2008, 11:47pm EDT
A silent scream is perfect in the context of injustice. Good job.
elizabeth e. Mar 18, 2008, 6:06am EDT
Dynamite, it tis!
Ruthe M. Mar 19, 2008, 4:01pm EDT
Chilling, Tracey! Well done drabble.
Susan Budig Mar 19, 2008, 7:31pm EDT
Very eerie, Tracey.
Vicky Duggins Mar 20, 2008, 10:12am EDT
Oh really good! I don't think I'd want that power.
Barbra L. Mar 20, 2008, 10:17am EDT
I could feel my emotions surging, Tracey, after I read your introductory lines. I am eerily intrigued by the lines [below] regarding your drabble.

"For a deal, a murderer promised to reveal the body. He smiled straight at me-a promise, and then told the truth."

Eek! I'm thinking that the 'special power' was inferred here--because if you were behind the glass, he could not have seen you. So, if he promised to reveal the body for a deal AND he's smiling at you... you're the body, right? :(

Please say it ain't so, and that I have misinterpreted those lines!!!! :(
Jonathan S. Mar 20, 2008, 10:43am EDT
Very sinister. I like how you bring home to someone who isn't a policeman the reality of having to make deals with murderers.
Mary Z. Mar 21, 2008, 1:22pm EDT
Brilliant, Tracey! Wouldn't this be a better world if we all had the truth vision and real criminals could be put where they do no harm. Well done!
Granny Janny H. Mar 21, 2008, 6:39pm EDT
Silent scream indeed. Yikes!
Charli Mills Mar 22, 2008, 12:30am EDT
Intense! A great mystery unfolding in 100 words. Got my attention!

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