I love this Kate! Especially how you so neatly contrast chaos and order in a full circle, not only in the overall theme of lining up and breaking out, but in some of your word choices. Where words like "pledge", "list", "commanding beat", and "neat line" are used in contrast to the more chaotic image of "breaking", which to me represents the scattering of children on the playground. And the "lost sandcastles" because the bell rings and they can't finish. There might be more here too that I haven't captured yet too, or maybe not. But that is what I like about it. I really enjoy intriguing poetry.
Sorry for the multiple attempts at posting this comment. For some reason the formatting was off. I kept having big gaps between words even though they weren't there when I typed the comment. So then I tryed retyping the comment on my email and posted it from there and it worked.
The melody of dawn is fresh and compelling, Kate, and demands attention to its efforts--by oh-so-willing afficionados. We wait, we watch, we shiver and wonder why; we admire the show completely, as we enjoy your celebratory rictameter.
Breaking is such an aching word, yet dawn is beginning, and beginning. Your middle line seems to be the dictate on how to meet life; look out windows Saturdays, in particular, seems to say "meditate" or take time and look beyond the place you occupy. I read the bells mentioned as calling, as a wake-up call to attend to this place and space and life. Obvioiusly, a poem that makes me think. Exceptional and fine.
This is rather deep. It seems like your saying we mindlessly follow whatever our political leaders say and this has caused us damage as our country is breaking apart.
Thank you all for your comments. I love all the different perspectives. One of the things that intrigues me about poetry is that it can reach into our own lives and speak to us.
I don't really understand what a rictameter is, though I've been seeing these posted around. Even without understanding, I do really like this piece. It tends to bring things back full circle.
Really great, Kate. For me I come away with an inspiration to mediate my sense of allegiance to norms with a celebration of beauty and individuality. All the school references imply so much form and structure, but no matter the rules, each dawn breaks, and the rules can be addressed again.
Wow Kate. This seems incredibly deep to me. It is a poem that, in days past, I would have printed and read several times over days as I pondered the deeper meanings in each word.
oh my..what a butterfly..some feelings of anxiety your poem awoke in the pit of my seven year old stomach...and that was a while ago.. I like the reference to the school day starting..the new dawn....while at the same time there exists patriotic thread throughout.
Came back to enjoy your poem again, and enjoyed the comments too. Being English, we didn't have pledges at school - felt very strange coming here with kids, but we all built lost castles.
Ahh, the beautiful soldier drones, see how they dream of freedom...Our children, gazing into fantasy to escape the drumbeat and bells. I read this and somehow hear Pink Floyd. Another Great poem, Kate. ;)
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Comments: 49
Especially how you so neatly contrast chaos and order in a full circle, not only in the overall theme of lining up and breaking out, but in some of your word choices. Where words like "pledge", "list", "commanding beat", and "neat line" are used in contrast to the more chaotic image of "breaking", which to me represents the scattering of children on the playground. And the "lost sandcastles" because the bell rings and they can't finish. There might be more here too that I haven't captured yet too, or maybe not. But that is what I like about it. I really enjoy intriguing poetry.
Wonderful rictameter.
Thanks for teaching me about this difficult poetry form. Making words comply with ricameter is about as easy as making kids behave at school?
"Castles built in recesses lost" suggests that creativity is sacrificed in the interest of discipline.
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for posting to =Sky Shots=!
Wonderful.
I like the reference to the school day starting..the new dawn....while at the same time there exists patriotic thread throughout.
Beautiful imagery.