NEW YORK. Embattled New York Governor Eliot Spitzer today named an independent, bi-partisan panel of three babelicious sex industry representatives to investigate charges that threaten to end a political career many observers thought would one day lead to the White House.
"Hmm--I suppose we should have at least one redhead."
"I'm not going to answer any more embarassing questions," Spitzer told reporters as he emerged from his Manhattan apartment building to buy a copy of Sports Illustrated magazine's annual swimsuit issue. "It's in the hands of the ladies, and I eagerly await their decision."
Named to the panel were "Tiffany", a petite blond who likes long walks on the beach and cats; "Krystal", a brunette from upstate New York who is fond of candlelight dinners and smooth jazz; and "Misty", a Long Island redhead whose saxophone-playing cat likes candlelight dinners on the beach.
Republican Party leaders in Albany questioned the qualifications of panel members, and criticized Spitzer for not reaching beyond party lines in making his selections. "These girls may know how to party, but have they read 'Ethics in State Government: A Guide for New York State Employees'? I don't think so."
Panel members said they would weigh the evidence against Spitzer along with any extenuating circumstances. "There may be mitigating factors," said Misty. "Like was he under a lot of pressure at work, did he hold veto-proof majorities in the legislature, and how much did he tip?"
Copyright 2008, Con Chapman
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Comments: 8
Mel Brooks in the 2000 year-old man, referring to an ex-president who was fooling around: "The man had needs. You gotta let him do it. If you don't, he'll do it to the country."