Marge: The Clear and Present Danger

'Marge, Marge,' I said trying to use my well known reasonable sanity. but Marge replied, 'You should have notified me of this.' I said, 'Of what?' Marge had Flickertail spit in her hands while she put on her flying goggles and gloves and just ignored me as she spun the propeller to start her bi-plane. I said, 'Marge, please tell me what you're talking about?' She said, 'You stole the UP from us and then in 1926 got the Supreme Court to give you Merryman Island. After that all the Wisconsin men turned from being merry men and became cheese heads.' I said, 'Notify you, that happened before you or I were born, For the love of...' Before I could finish my sentence, she said, 'So Paula Love had a hand in this too. I'll teach her' and she loaded red hair dye on the plane, which I could tell was making Flickertail, sitting in the backseat, quite nervous. Marge then said, 'How do you expect me to make a comment without notifications?' and she flew off into the clouds to seed them with red hair dye. I must admit I somewhat lost my cool and sat down and wrote a letter to Marge.

Dear Marge,

I am totally crushed, quite despondent and have started a crusade against eating Wisconsin cheese (actually against extra sharp cheddar only, since many think this reasonable) because of your response without giving me prior notification. I'm now eating fudgesicles instead of popsicles because I'm so upset and of course this has caused me to give up beer and become addicted to Pepto Bismol. No no, don't even try to act innocent. I heard Bret Favre retired because you did not knit him a llama wool ski cap this year accusing him of being a cheese head. I heard him on ESPN telling this woeful yarn. Then it was reported you used a divining rod to send cloud dandruff to Indiana and put red dye in the clouds causing Paula Love's hair to turn pink. Photographs don't lie. The Michigan State Legislature finally finished their 8 year siesta and bean soup eating contests and has declared you a clear and present danger and is now putting up an electric fence down the middle of Lake Michigan powered by electric eels, so it is environmentally friendly, will save tax dollars and lessen the dependence on Brylcreem. All of this was caused by you and still you haven't responded to stop my posturing. My patience is running out, or maybe I just have the runs. Who knows?

                                                                                                                             With warm regards, Bill

The latest rumor I heard, from Deb in the middle of the thumb with her ear to the snow shovel, was that Marge had assembled an armada of row boats on the Lake Michigan shore to attack and take Muskegon for Wisconsin. I contacted my state rep, but he said, 'As long as our UP border is secure and she does not bring in extra sharp cheddar cheese, there is nothing I can or want to do beyond the steps we have already taken. I just want to rest and eat bean soup, so we can be merry men with an island to prove it.'Since Marge's only response to my letter was in some sort of code, I can only assume she is now in a rowboat in Lake Michigan.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the etymology of the word Wisconsin. The 'Wi' means they like to play games where they can act out actions with physical gestures. The 'S' means they own many of these games, which probably caused a Christmas shortage. The 'Con' is self explanatory, so hide your Popsicles and fudgesicles and the 'Sin' is in that of attacking Michigan. I think most of you will agree with me that Marge is a clear and present danger.