Slowly, Slowly

Slowly, slowly the snow is melting, there is more ground to see and more room to park.  The days more often than not are warmer than they were the week before.  Mud season is approaching and it is time to buy some new toddler sized rain boats so that my daughter can delight in the puddles and the mud.  I will be doing a whole lot of laundry I know, but there is nothing better than being able to play in the mud during mud season.

Slowly, slowly I am getting excited about baseball season.  I no longer have the time to keep up on who is new to the team this year, or what the stats are for the new first baseman/shortstop/pitcher.  I do know that I enjoy watching the games and following the scores.  I also know that I am looking forward to watching the games for the most part with my daughter and sometimes with my friends, especially now that Ed and I have found a new favorite beer.  The Red Sox will always be a part of spring and summer for me.

Slowly, slowly I am getting back to books.  I was remembering how much of my life used to be devoted to reading, but then TV reappeared in my life and the books faded away.  I missed them, and knew that if I didn't rekindle my love of reading than my child would probably not have a love of reading.  And so this morning she and I lay in bed and read together, she doesn't like me to read to her most of the time, we usually get through 2-3 books and then it is "all myself" and so we lay there and she reads her books and I read mine.  Maybe even someday I will get a subscription to the New Yorker again.

Slowly, slowly I am growing as a person, as a partner and as a lover.  I am working on my irrational fear that Ed is going to find something better and leave me.  I know he isn't, but sometimes it still keeps me up at night.  He isn't perfect but then neither am I – what is important is that our faults are accepted by each other and for the most part we can overlook them.  Our relationship is getting stronger, not weaker.

And today.  Slowly, slowly, I am waking up.