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March 4, 2007

Don't Go Near the Water - 100 WORD STORIES Week 4 - CHALLENGE

March 02, 2008 10:30 PM EST (Updated: March 09, 2008 05:54 PM EDT)

views: 136 | rating: 10/10 (55 votes) | comments: 79

"There was music, the kind that never went away: the Stones and the Doors, Janis Joplin, very early Pink Floyd. It was one of those evenings."

The music soaked into the deck, tickling my bare feet. I breathed salt air and sighed. Dennis wiggled out of my embrace, danced over to the rail, and dove into dark water, laughing.

A splash. A scream.

Moonlight glinted on silver skin. I wanted to help. I also wanted to live.

Mick's voice boomed from the speakers: "You can't always get what you want."

Dennis disappeared.

Mick again: "But you get what you need."

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Tags: 100 word stories, drabble, challenge

To Groups: Gather Writing Essential, Things my mother should have told me.

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Comments: 79

Gretchen Lee Bourquin Mar 2, 2008, 10:34pm EST

How horrible! (in a good way) Makes me want more

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penni d. Mar 2, 2008, 10:36pm EST

wow, kate!! loved it!

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Regina L. Mar 2, 2008, 10:45pm EST

I liked it to

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William Dotani Mar 2, 2008, 10:47pm EST

So Dennis disappearing means you get what you need. The was a delightful read, but the ending seems like some Black humor from a Monty Python sketch.

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Jim Ross Mar 2, 2008, 10:48pm EST

Slick as ice, Kate. You slipped me through romance's door, slapped me with horror, then left me rocking with Mick as a chaser! I loved every word of your 100 worder.

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Terry M. Mar 2, 2008, 10:48pm EST

I love short-short fiction.

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dianne j. Mar 2, 2008, 10:54pm EST

Whoa! Amazing how you sucked me in with the romantic setting, followed it with tragedy, then finished me off with the lyrics.

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Tom C. Mar 2, 2008, 10:58pm EST

Kate - I never would have guessed your sinister side. Very clever.

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Vicky Duggins Mar 2, 2008, 11:46pm EST

Mick can hit the nail on the head, hey. Good one!

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Bob C. Mar 2, 2008, 11:52pm EST

Excellent expression Kate in so few words! Dennis went on the "Stairway to Heaven" I am guessing and he is now "Knock, knock, knocking on Heaven's door"! Good thing too, because I don't think he would have gotten much "sympathy from (for) the devil"!

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Chelsea R. Mar 3, 2008, 12:09am EST

great job!

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Dave D. Mar 3, 2008, 12:09am EST

Great Job Kate.
I think Jim Ross and Dianne J. said it best.
Thanks

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Patricia F. Mar 3, 2008, 12:33am EST

Wow, Kate! Love it...self preservation and gettin' shet of an old lover! You rock, Kate...go see my post. I put in something funny about you...

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KC Klein Mar 3, 2008, 6:32am EST

Hello Kate.

I like the line: the music soaked into the deck, tickling my feet.

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Wanda H. Mar 3, 2008, 6:41am EST

great way to suck ya in and then ice water all over the place. whew! great drabble. big 10 4 U

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*Holly *. Mar 3, 2008, 8:04am EST

Loved it Kate!

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Becky Powell Mar 3, 2008, 8:31am EST

Creepy--and fun!

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Autumn Farrington Mar 3, 2008, 10:08am EST

Great metaphors that saturate the reader's mind with powerful imagery; and the moonlight glinting "on silver skin" was a significant line to me because it narrowed the incident down to a 'flash'.

Very good writing!!

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Doug M. Mar 3, 2008, 10:17am EST

Hi Kate,

Nice. Did you read "The Dive From Clausen's Pier"?

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Marianne M. Mar 3, 2008, 11:18am EST

Wow! Really powerful. Goes right for the juggler ... very effective drabble!!!!

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Ruthe M. Mar 3, 2008, 11:19am EST

Whoa! This was a great drabble. Loved the line:...I wanted to help. I also wanted to live. I guess that made it clear!

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Steph-in-NE ..... Mar 3, 2008, 11:42am EST

i use that saying of you cant alway get what you want to my kids all the time,, they hated it,,,

love your work though it was neat....

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Kay M. Mar 3, 2008, 1:45pm EST

Great job

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Barbra L. Mar 3, 2008, 4:27pm EST

Kate: You really have some great magnet lines with:

"The music soaked into the deck, tickling my bare feet."--and
"Dennis wiggled out of my embrace,"

These lines could take writing anywhere; even to the depths of the sea, which is apparently where they took Dennis! Just a great write and an even greater read!!!

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Linda K. Mar 3, 2008, 11:57pm EST

Whew, woman! You know how to push us over the edge! Never a predictable moment with you...

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Amy D. Mar 4, 2008, 12:18am EST

Wow. Great visual and this one leaves the reader thinking. Very interesting.

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Tara T. Mar 4, 2008, 2:27am EST

Sounds like treacherous waters! great story!

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Madame 'X' Mar 4, 2008, 3:30am EST

This story is truly a brilliant, compact gem !!! BRAVA !!!

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Apryl Just Apryl Mar 4, 2008, 8:57am EST

Everything Jim said!! I'll just say it, WOW!!

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Ann R. Mar 4, 2008, 12:55pm EST

If Dennis thought you were jumping in to he had another guess coming. He got what he needed.

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Anita R. Mar 4, 2008, 1:00pm EST

Kate - great drabble!

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sheila h. Mar 4, 2008, 6:23pm EST

Riveting and saturated with mystery...I loved it and would keep reading on if you started your MS with this..Great!

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Marge H. Mar 4, 2008, 7:25pm EST

I also loved it. It could go in so many different directions. It would be a very powerful beginning paragraph if you chose to enlarge on it.

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Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Mar 4, 2008, 10:21pm EST

I feel like I am hungry , i ened more..Well, wel-knitted and apt for the prompt..

Beautiful Drabble

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Parul S. Mar 4, 2008, 10:33pm EST

wow.......sad...but deep...

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Sherwood M. Mar 5, 2008, 11:59am EST

WOW...this connects on so many levels for me. Fabulous imaging on every front.

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Sarah Honenberger Mar 5, 2008, 6:56pm EST

Dark and cold, a shocker.

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Tanya P. Mar 5, 2008, 7:30pm EST

Shoot, this one is going to haunt me. Great writing!

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Charli Mills Mar 5, 2008, 11:56pm EST

Tying the story into the music we know gives it life (and death). Great short.

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Mary (diet dr pepper junkie) T. Mar 6, 2008, 10:30am EST

definitely haunting...interesting drabble

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Jimmie (Hey! Let's Gather!) Harris Mar 6, 2008, 1:36pm EST

Oh my gosh! Wow! You got me! Good job!

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Mary Z. Mar 6, 2008, 1:37pm EST

Excellent twist, Kate. Loved this tale from beginning to end. Brava!!!!

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Sheila Deeth Mar 6, 2008, 3:58pm EST

Ouch. Beautiful take on the prompt.

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Alison Pearce Mar 6, 2008, 6:11pm EST

Excellent drabble!

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elizabeth e. Mar 6, 2008, 9:20pm EST

Whoa! Really sick! But I like it!

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Lyn Owen Mar 7, 2008, 10:48am EST

Yikes, poor Dennis.

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Amanda C. Mar 7, 2008, 11:21am EST

Great job!

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June B. Mar 7, 2008, 8:03pm EST

I have goosebumps. Wow. This is excellent.

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Beth H. Mar 7, 2008, 10:13pm EST

Yes. Great writing and marvelous completion to the challenge. I really like this one.

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Lisa J Mar 7, 2008, 11:22pm EST

Wow.

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Marianne M. Mar 9, 2008, 8:47am EDT

Congratulations on winning Honorable Mention for this great drabble, Kate!

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Kate Keeley Mar 9, 2008, 10:40am EDT

Thanks, everyone, for all the kind comments and the Honorable Mention. I'm honored! This puts a smile on my day.

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Dee - Nature Babe! Mar 9, 2008, 11:33am EDT

This was so good!

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Jim Ross Mar 9, 2008, 11:54am EDT

CONGRATULATIONS on Your Honorable Mention Award, Kate! I just reread Don't Go Near the Water again and hurtled along with your characters, the night, and the music. Again, this is SO smooth. The second read is every bit as exciting as the first.

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Susan B. Mar 9, 2008, 12:13pm EDT

Yikes! Congrats :)

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Autumn Farrington Mar 9, 2008, 12:38pm EDT

Congratulations, Kate! Great 'flash' fiction!

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Kay M. Mar 9, 2008, 1:52pm EDT

Congrats Kate!

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Lisa J Mar 9, 2008, 2:01pm EDT

Congratulations, Kate!

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Marge H. Mar 9, 2008, 2:31pm EDT

Congratulations Kate!

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Mary Z. Mar 9, 2008, 2:48pm EDT

Congratulations, Kate, on your well-deserved win!

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lynn a. Mar 9, 2008, 6:25pm EDT

Wow, Kate. A rather poignant ending that hit with a big whallop. I'm still taken back by it. Very good. Chilling in a way. Well, we can't be angels all the time.

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