I Kind of Stole This Recipe

Maybe saying I stole the idea for this recipe would be better.  We had something similar to this at the Cheesecake Factory.  I don't know all the stuff they used or seasonings and everything, so I improvised. They get credit for the premise.  I get credit for bastardizing their recipe and making it something that even I can't screw up too badly.  They have some fancy name for it.  I call it:

                                         THOSE LETTUCE WRAP THINGIES

First, you have to go to the grocery store and buy some stuff.  I'd usually have Kevin do this, but since I was trying to surprise him by actually cooking, I figured I'd better take the hit and do the actual shoppinig, too.  Here's the stuff you have to buy:

This is the lettuce.  It's that real small head kind of stuff.  I don't know what it's called, so I put a can of Coke beside it for comparison.  You don't have to buy the Coke, just the lettuce.  It's kind of a firm, curly edged lettuce.  You can do it.  I know you can.

These are two very tiny cukes.  You can use regular cukes.  I just used these because they were in the frig.

Some already chopped up matchstick carrots.  Martha would have grown her own and chopped them, but I ain't her.

I buy the chicken for this in an already pre-cooked and pre-sliced package.  You can be fancy and cook your own chicken, but if I did that, I'm sure I would burn it.  I do have to use fire later in this recipe.  I don't like to tempt fate.


I bought the prewashed kind of sprouts and washed them anyhow, because I didn't read the package that said they were ready to use.  You can use bean sprouts or any kind of sprout.  I just buy whatever is in the store.


Martha would grow her own peanuts, then shell and salt them.  Or whatever order the salting process takes.  I just buy a can of peanuts.  You can shell your own if you feel like Martha.



Yes, Ramen noodles.  That's only because I can't find rice noodles and that's what I suspect the real recipe calls for.


Some peanut sauce.  This was hard to find in Mayberry, so I had to go to Sandusky.  The Cheesecake Factory offered three different dipping sauces, but I have no idea what they were outside of the one our server identified as peanut sauce, so that's the only one that will ever be used by me.  You can do whatever you want with your sauce choices.

This next step is mandatory.  This must be done or the results will not be the same:


Yes, you must don a ruffled and flowery apron and wear your pearls.  When your significant other walks into the room, greet him/her as "Ward".  If you're more of the male persuasion and making this, you can leave out the pearls, but the ruffled apron is mandatory.  Greet your significant other as "June".  You may then discuss what the Beav did at school today while preparing dinner.

Now that the shopping and pearls are taken care of, it starts to get a little tricky.  This is the first encounter with fire for this recipe. Now, you must cook the Ramen according to package directions. 


The only direction you don't have to follow is the one that tells you to add that little flavoring packet.  You can throw that away or add it to your mac and cheese someday.  I've never tried that, so it might be gross.  Rinse them in one of those rinser thingies in the sink until they're cold.  This would be done after cooking them.

Next, you have to use a knife.  Cut your cukes up into quarters and slice them.  Or slice them, then cut them into quarters.  Whatever works for you.


The Cheesecake Factory marinates theirs in some kind of marinating stuff, but I don't know what it is, so I just use them plain.

Next, crush your nuts.
I will avoid the easy joke that comes with this innuendo.  Yes, that's still me, actually using a rolling pin!

Now, you must use more fire.  This will involve using a frying pan.  If you're like me, you shouldn't leave the vicinity or you will risk the destruction of your meal.  Warm some of the peanut sauce in the pan with the crushed peanuts.


Then put your chicken in and cook that, too.  You can cook it until it's warm, or you can be fancy and cook it until it has brown spots on it.  Let your imagination run.


Next, you get to serve it.  The Cheesecake Factory puts all the goodies in cute, little bowls on a marvelous serving platter.  I put it on the counter.  Some of it, like the carrots, are still in the bags.  This saves on clean up.

Take your lettuce leaf and fill it with the stuff.  I start with the Ramen noodles, then go to the sprouts, carrots, cukes and then chicken.  I cover it with more crushed nuts and a dash more peanut sauce.  It should look something like this when you're done:


Yours shouldn't be as blurry, though.

Then you roll them up like a burrito and eat it.  That should look like this:


Make sure you wear your apron until the dishes are done.