I'm About to Get My Mind Back.

"I think I've been depressed."  I told my sister, Kathryn,
"Oh, I could've told you that."  She informed me.
I swerved my head to read her eyes.  "How'd you know?"
"You tell me why you think you're depressed and I'll tell you."  (Kathryn always was one for extreme caution)
"Well, I wear my gown all day.  I don't feel like taking a bath.  I can't sleep.  I don't call and talk to my best friend.  I have to force myself to get up in the mornings.  I don't even feel like going to church.   You know something's wrong when I don't want to go to church."
"That's why I knew you were depressed.  I wanted to tell you, but..."  Her voice trailed off and she shrugged eloquently.  (Some people, mostly siblings and my grown children, seem to be under the impression that I'm hardheaded and difficult to talk to.)
I nodded, allowing this sibling misunderstanding of my kind nature to roll off of my back like a duck.  You get used to these things with five siblings.
"I guess it's because of Dad."  I said.  Tomorrow will be three weeks ago that we brought my Dad to a nursing home to stay. 
"You need to get you some medicine."  She said.  She with her good insurance for health care.
Me, the person who knows I would have to go and sit up at the Charity Hospital for a minimum of five or six hours just to talk to a doctor, who would then schedule me to see a specialist in several months (who might prescribe me medicine I couldn't afford), said.
"I'll be all right.  It's just like a death of sorts, you know.  I'm taking my St. John's Wort every day.  You know how a death is.  It's really bad at first, then you get better."
That was a couple of days ago.  After she left, I thought, I hope I really don't have to go get some medicine.  This is pretty rough.  Imagine sitting up there in a crowded room full of strangers and waiting around for hours in this condition.
Suddenly, I realized.  I hadn't been listening to my gospel music, praising the Lord.  And I'd barely been praying.  No wonder it was so easy for me to get depressed!  I started making more of an effort to keep up on both of those things.
Then yesterday, my other sister, Nancy, called and asked me to help her with my niece's homeschooling for a couple of hours.  I helped her, then stayed a while longer.  We talked about the Lord (which always heals my soul) and I ate with them.   David was at a doctor's appointment. (He has insurance because of his disability.)  So he didn't miss me.
With three small children running around, giggling, laughing, telling silly jokes, I started feeling a bit of sunshine seep into the gloom and doom of my world.
It must have helped.  Today, I woke up and didn't think, God, just let me die, now.
Oh, I still had the chronic toothache that's been troubling me in the last few days.  But how I felt about dealing with it was different.  I'm gonna make it.  I thought.
Amazingly, I can imagine beauty and goodness once again.  It's still a bit of a stretch, but I can imagine it.  I think I'm about to get my mind back.