"Kicked Out 'cuz I can't Walk"...homeless and disabled at 20

Life started off bad for me, but I've always believed that things could get worse. After spending most of my life depressed as a child, unwilling to accept my disability, I've gotten use to the pain. I've become accustomed to the embarassment and humiliation of having to allow others to help me with even the most personal of things, although greatful I've been. I've even grown comfortable with the constant discomfort that comes with not being able to get comfortable, or walk or even go to the bathroom when I feel like my bladder is going to explode and my pride won't let it. But I just cannot get use to being homeless.....

 Moving out on my own was a big step, but  I was determined to take it regardless of everything that was against me. My first several months in my adorable apartment went great. I had my lover whom helped me with what I needed and worked, and I handled the financial aspects of everything that came with being a "house wife" so to speak. It was all perfect except for one little thing.... my heart did not belong to my lover, and over time the cracks and holes in our relationship started to become evident. I had everything I wanted... almost. But I still wasn't happy.

 Finally, I met someone new, someone that swept me off of my feet in every way possible. The passion was forceful, the sex was great, and she made me laugh, something I hadn't done in months. But the happiness would soon be envaded by the fury of my ex. After battling with her for weeks, my ex finally succeeded; she had all of us evicted, and myself put on the street.

 At first I thought "fine, I'll live off of love with my new lover and somehow things will work out." Well, it's 7 months later and Im just realizing that maybe faith and love don't always work out.

Family members refused to help, we spent endless amounts of money on hotels making it impossible for us to save up for a home, and now...in my last days of sanity, I cry out for help. Within 4 days, two hotels have kicked us out giving me the cold and straight up reason that it's because I'm in a wheelchair. Of course this is illegal, but what does it do to stop me from being homeless NOW? To top everything off, the second time I was kicked out, it was during a powerful thunderstorm. I struggled to fight the stinging rain and waves of water to get to my grandmother's for temporary shelter but my electrical wheelchair died in the flooding waters. I was led by ambulance to safety, but now my wheelchair is broken and I have no means for transportation.

 I would hate to jinx myself for one second or even go against my own beliefs, but what could possibly get worse?

Of course, one should never hold their breath. In the midsts of all of the chaos, a strain has been put on the relationship with my lover and I. Dangling by a thread, it struggles to hold on, but with every blow of the wind becomes looser. Will I be alone after all of this? Is this my final demise after 7 months of pain, love, agony, happiness, and disaster? Will I be alone and homeless at the age of 20?

With no where to go, limited money, and no one to turn to, what is to become of us? My beloved and I have endured so much and we are nearing our bitter end. I am ashamed to say I feel as if karma has something to do with all of it. I now suffer as my ex has suffered. Still, to what extent does my misery extend? How much more can one soul take? One heart that is already stitched and resown, detatching piece by piece... one mind that slowly crumbles with all the wisdom that hath been past on.... If I do survive, to what is the use of an empty soul?